Nap failure - desperate for help

[bluebell568]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and a first time mum. My dd is 6 months now and I feel like I have spent the last 26 weeks constantly trying to get her to nap. I've only got 8 more weeks before returning to work and I'm really worried that her inability to nap will lead to problems at childcare and I hate to think of her crying and getting distressed because I haven't helped her learn to nap.

At the moment, I can get her to sleep in one of four ways. She will sleep in the pram when we walk the dogs; she will sleep in the car while we are driving; she will sleep on my husband if he walks round and rocks her for 10 or 15 minutes first and she will fall asleep on the breast. In all of these situations she sleeps for exactly 30 minutes even if she is in the pram or the car and you are still moving. She also always wakes up when you stop walking  even if it's just a brief pause.

We have a good bedtime routine (bath, pjs, sleeping bag, dark room, soft music, breast feed) and she goes to sleep in her cot well and used to sleep through the night but for the last few weeks has been waking 2 or 3 times a night. I have tried to set up a nap routine (clean nappy, read 2 books, dark, music, sleeping bag) but she either cries straight away or goes into her cot awake and starts to cry after a few minutes.

I have spent so much tiime trying to work out a routine to try and get dd into but I just get so confused about how what time to try to get her to nap. The routine I tried to use is

7am breast feed
8am breakfast
9.30am nap (currently 30 mins in pram)
11am breast feed
11.45 lunch
12.30 nap (30 mins only happens if daddy can rock her to sleep or we go out in car or pram)
3.00 breast feed
4.00 nap (30 mins usually falls asleep on breast after feed)
5.00 breast feed
5.30 dinner
6.15 bath
6.30 breast feed
7.15 asleep

That was what I was aiming for today but what I got was

7.15 breast feed
8.15 breakfast
9.00 in pram to walk dogs, fell asleep at 9.20 woke up at 9.45 as soon as pram stopped at front door.
10.45 seemed tired, daddy tried rocking to sleep but cried and cried
11.00 breast feed to help stop crying. Fed for 45 mins but although feeding was definately snoozing at same time and seemed cheerful after
1.15 tried to do nap routine but cried and cried took back downstairs. Played on mat but restless
2.30 unhappy. Tired or hungry??? Decided to breadth feed. Fed for 1 hour until asleep then slept for 10 more minutes.
Tried to interest her in toys but whining, wanting to be held and carried round. I'm exhausted and don't know what to do with her.
4.40 decided to put her in pram and walk dogs again (in rain!) She falls asleep at 4.50 and sleeps for 25 mins until pram stops at front door.
5.30 breast feed (didn't want much)
6.30 bath. Really happy, smiling, giggling, full of beans
7.00 breast feed but too busy being wide awake and chatting to feed. Eventually settled to feed at 7.30
8.30 asleep (few)

by the way we are doing baby led weaning so when I say breakfast, lunch etc they are really just opportunities for her to handle, play with and taste a variety of foods, not a lot gets eaten yet.

I am sorry this is such a mamouth long post but I really need help with this. Please can anyone help me? I would desperately love to be able to help her to nap without the tears (from either of us).

[Miamamma]

Just wanted to send you hugs.
 I'm not able to offer any advice really as I'm still very wet behind the ears myself, but I'm sure the more experienced ladies will help you onto a happy napping path. When I'm finding things tough, I try to remind myself that I won't be obsessing about my bubs sleep forever....although it can feel like it at times, I know.

[*Kara*]

First thing I notice is how long she feeds and how frequently... at 6 months, most babies nurse effectively in 10 mins or less (maybe a bit longer for a double sided feed at BT).  Her BF's should be about 4 hrs apart as well.  By allowing her to nurse more frequently, she is not actually eating for hunger, but rather for comfort - hence the 45-1 hr feeds.

This suckling may have become a prop and has led to the NWing.

Also, her first A time seems a bit on the short side for her age - have you tried holding her out for 2 hrs 45 mins then try for a nap?

What do you think?

[bluebell568]

Thanks. She has always had really long feeds but I think that because she doesn't nap she drifts into a comfort sucking / dozing rhythm and tries to get her rest while feeding. I'll work on that today and see if she can go 4 hours between feeds. I think with the timing of the awake time, I worry that I am missing her sleepy signs and she will get over tired but if 2 hours 45 seems suitable for her age i'll see how we get on and let you know. I really appreciate any advice.

[gloworm18]

Hi, first of all I must say that reading your post was like reading an exact description of me and my DS! Soooo similar it's scary. I'm going through the exact same thing..we're extending the first A time to see if that helps... The only way I've been getting him to sleep in his cot is by leaning over him with my cheek touching his so he can pull and suck at my hair (no idea why this helps him but it does seem to) and this seems to be working. I stay with him til he's asleep. My next challenge is to gradually start withdrawing before he's fully asleep. I don't know if that's any help to you at all or the right advice but thought I'd share as our LOs sound so similar you never know!! Good luck and know you're not alone! 

[bluebell568]

Hi, today we have concentrated on spacing out the feeds and shortening them and it has gone well. She fed at 7.15am; 11am; 3pm and 6.45pm  They first 3 lasted about 15 mins and the last one 40 mins (she has always had 30 mins on each side before bed so I cut it to 20 as a first step). I always tried to get 5 feeds in during the day so she would be tanked up to sleep through the night (which she did until recently). Obviously she has only had 4 feeds today. Should she be having a dream feed or is she too old for that? Would that help stop her waking in the night?

Thanks for your reassurance Gloworm18. What are your naptimes?

Today dd slept for 30 minutes at 9:30, 30 minutes at 1:30 and then got tired at 4.30 but couldn't get off to sleep. She finally fell asleep in daddy's arms at 5.30 for 30 minutes which wasn't ideal as it was almost bedtime. But one step at a time. Now I'm more confident about what time she should feed I'll try tackling the nap times. 

[gloworm18]

Good work on spacing out the feeding, one step at a time!

Naps are 25 - 30 minutes at the moment! Depending on what time he wakes, they are roughly at 10 and 1..(today went completely wrong after a hideous night, he's started waking every two hours again, aaaaaaaagh!) At the moment I consider it a success just getting him to sleep in his cot, one day I might be brave enough to tackle the length but for now I'm just happy if he's in his cot and I have 30 minutes to myself without having to push/drive him about (although I failed today and resorted to the pram, was just too damned tired to try after last night!)

Keep us posted on how you get on 

[bluebell568]

Hi gloworm. Things are going very well. I think I have reached the same point as you. DD will now nap in her cot without me having to push or drive her about. We still only get 30 minutes so I am now looking for suggestions to lengthen the naps. See my other post "How long for wind down times". I also need to start trying to get her into her cot awake as at the moment I am still holding her until she is asleep before putting her into her cot. I tried to put her down drowsy but slightly awake today and she woke up, gave me a big grin and started chatting. You can't be cross with them when they are so cute :-)