Dad taking over for few nights - how to go about it.

[emmacatterall]

Hi. My lb is 18 months old and is up at least 2-3 times most nights. He co-sleeps with me and is still breastfed. We have managed to drop the midnight feed but he is still waking at this point for a cuddle instead. He is then up for a feed between 3 and 4 and is pretty restless from then onwards. Bedtime is about 7 and he is nursed, then has a cuddle and then usually lies next to me with my arm across his tummy.
We have decided to try me not being in the room with him and dad seeing to him at night for a few days to see if this helps. Should dad sleep in my bed in place of me, should lb sleep in dads bed with dad or should lb sleep in my bed alone and dad have baby monitor? Lb does nap alone in my bed but he is nursed down for naps and resettled during them.
Thanks in advance
Emma

[*Becky*]

Are you wanting to stop co-sleeping ideally?
What is your aim - for him to sleep independently?

[emmacatterall]

I'm not bothered about stopping co-sleeping. My aim is for him to sstn.

[becj86]

I presume you're moving him back into your bed with you when this few nights is over? Sleep can be disrupted just because of a change in sleep environments...

Keep in mind I have zero experience with co-sleeping, as my LO doesn't sleep if he's in our bed... here's some reasoning for each of your proposed methods:

Should dad sleep in my bed in place of me

That would be the most similar sleeping environment for LO - least change. He may wonder why you're not there though and be quite confused when you're back in the bed with him in a few days' time.

should lb sleep in dads bed with dad

LO may not expect you to be there if he's in Dad's bed... but its a different place to sleep, so he'd have to get used to that too and get used to sleeping in your bed again after the few days are over.

should lb sleep in my bed alone and dad have baby monitor

If you're going to do this, why not work on having him in his own bed permanently?

All in all, I guess my thought is that your LO may well sleep through with Dad there but that doesn't mean he's necessarily going to sleep through with you there. It could be worth a try though. What's his level of understanding? Can you explain to him what you're doing?

[Shiv52]

Hi Emma

I'll be honest and say at this age and given all the props you've got that the only way to get your LO to STTN is to teach him sleep independently. The issue is when he wakes he just doesn't know how
To get back to sleep without your help. Truly thiugh to get results youd need him to have his own place to sleep. Does he have his own room. It's great your OH is on board if he does the first few nights it should move things in the right direction.

How does that sound to you? Something you guys want to do? It does mean tackling naps too and cutting feeding to sleep
And the co sleeping.

[*Kara*]

Agree with Shiv 100%.  He may sleep through fine with dad, but as soon as you are back, so will be the NWing

If you want to co-sleep and have him STTN, you have to be there for it hun.  You won't get much advice here as BW does focus on teaching independent sleep for LOs though you may have some luck with Dr Sears methodology.  I do know that he does address co-sleeping and night weaning.

If you do want to move LO to his own bed, we are more than happy to help you get things sorted

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

[Bryony's mum]

Hi Emma

Not sure how I got to this point (given three kids who were all taught to sleep independently) but my 21 mth old cosleeps with me most of the night and feeds to sleep during that time.  I don't have all the answers for you, but I'll tell you what I'm planning to do, in case it helps.  I have just noticed that my next door neighbour has gone away, so really that means I should get on with it tonight in case it's noisy!

Eliot has a cotbed in the corner of our room, and he does go to sleep in it in the evenings with me in the room, but then wakes around ten or eleven and that's usually when I end up taking him into bed with me.  Last week he started screaming hysterically at bedtime when I put him in the cot, so we've decided we might as well take the side off and make it a bed, as he's the same age as the other boys were when they went into a bed.  So far no screaming, but plenty of jumping!  I have been sitting by the bed waiting for him to calm down and lie down, and then lying next to him with my arm round him while he goes to sleep. 

The next stage of my plan is to do the same each time he wakes up.  I think my initial goal is to keep him in his bed all night, preferably without feeding him, although I might feed for a few nights while we're getting used to the idea of his bed.  It's as much about me getting my head round not having him in my bed!  Then once he's going back to sleep without feeding, I suppose I will move to sitting on the end of his bed with my hand on his back while he settles, then next to the bed etc. 

[emmacatterall]

Thank you all for your advice. I have decided that I am not ready to put him in his own room yet. We are planning on waiting until the summer and then getting bunk beds for him and his brother (we need to wait until his brother is off school). I therefore decided to do something similar to Alisa and gradually reduce my contact at sleep times. Over the past week or so we have pretty much eliminated night feeds before 5am. He is still waking but is having a cuddle and then lying next to me twiddling my hair.

[*Kara*]

Great plan hun and great progress!  Minimizing any interaction with him should help him fall back to sleep quicker when he does wake (he will learn you are fairly boring in the middle of the night and stop waking with any luck)... if not, a snuggle isn't such a terrible thing