NW consistently 13 months...tempted to let cry it out....please help!

[kohler14]

Our 13 month old has consistently been a night waker. Most of the time it is once per night, and sometimes he is able to settle himself, but there are many nights now that he is up every 30-45 minutes for 5 or so hours! I am home alone a lot with him so don't have a lot of help at night when my husband is gone. Last night was horrible so I decided to see if there is something I am doing wrong. I am becoming more and more tempted to let him cry it out. I have been a firm believer not to do so, but feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I have several friends that have let their babies cry it out and they are great night sleepers. It is definitely not something I ever thought I would consider but just don't know what to do anymore. Below is our schedule. He is a great napper and I often need to wake him up from naps to prevent him from being under tired at night. He uses a pacifier at night and with naps that he is able to replug himself. Aside from the NW he is a very calm baby. He can play independently and has met most milestones at about the right time, with the exception of walking. He has been mostly a textbook/angel baby. Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated. Also about a month ago we made the transition to 1 nap per day. The very long NW happens about 1-2 times per week.

8am wake and 6 oz bottle
9:30 breakfast
11am snack
12pm lunch
1pm-3:30pm Nap
4pm bottle 6 oz
5pm snack
6pm dinner
6:45 bath
7:15 bottle 6 oz
7:30-7:45 bed -we have been using an early bedtime to help with evening tiredness.

He has recently gotten a couple new teeth including 12 month molars. I feel like even without teething or major changes he is still waking at least once per night.  When my husband is in town he has a tendency to rush in, and has a difficult time knowing when the right time is to go in, so I am usually the one that has be awake every time he is up. Even if my husband goes in to settle him, I have to be awake to help him know when to do so. My husband is very helpful with the baby when he is home, which lately is not been a lot. I just feel like the baby is not learning to self soothe consistently. I don't know what I am doing wrong. Please help!

[Mattsmummy]

Hello
Hugs...I don't have much advice to offer as my DS is 14mo and not a great sleeper either. The only thing that maybe jumps out at my inexperienced eyes is that his nap is late in the day so perhaps he is OT? We transitioned to one nap at around 12.5 months and DS takes his nap at nursery at about 12:15-12:30. Just a thought.

Also, does he have all 4 molars already? If not, could definately be teeth that are waking him...

I'm sure the vets will have more advice to offer, but hang in there...I've been tempted to let DS CIO as well in times of desperation and exhaustion, but deep down I know I'd never do it and I am sure it would make things worse anyway...
 

[Shiv52]

I would say 4 hours A time really isn't a lot after a 2.5 hour night and he is not having a 12 hour day.  At that age we did a 13 hour day and 11 hour night.

Long NWs really are a sign of UT especially if he is happy and chatting.    Can you do bedtime an hour later and see does that help?  Or even start winddown at 8pm?

In terms of going in to resettle you shouldn't go in until he is doing an 'I need you cry' so he has a chance to resettle.  If you do have to go in make sure you are not replugging his dummy for him and make sure you are getting him to do it himself.

How does he go to sleep for naps and bedtime?  CaN you just put him down and walk out and he puts himself to sleep?

[Truly Blessed]

Hello Hun, first of all a (BIG HUG) for you, I know how hard multiple night waking's as we have BTDT. Please please never be tempted to do CC or CIO. Tracy the Baby Whisperer was completely against it and there is scientific proof that it can break trust between Mother/Parent and child. Don't think I don't understand how that desperation and feeling of helplessness can make you feel though. Please take the time to read this and it will help you understand

Kara & Alexandra's Story

So moving on, looking at his day there are some things that stick out. I agree with Shiv that his day is short.MY DS was doing 13 hour days with a 2 hour nap from 12 months and he is average sleep needs. IIWM I would definitely be looking at him having less day sleep. I'm thinking something like this:

8am WU

Nap 1 to 3

BT 8.30/9.00

What do you think  How's things 

x.

[kohler14]

Thanks for the info so far. He does not have 4 molars yet, only 2 have cut through so far. The reason why we were doing an early BT was because I read so much about them getting OT when transitioning to 1 nap. He is usually so tired and falling asleep during his last bottle of the night after his bath. Because of this I was putting him down 15 minutes early.
He goes down really well for both naps and bedtime. We do wind down and then just put him in crib and he falls asleep quickly for both. His NW doesn't start until around midnight if it is a long one or 3:30-4 if it is a short one that he settles himself or settles easily. When his NW are long he usually is fussy and awakes crying every time. He will re-settle and then wake after 20-30 minutes. This has lasted for 4-5 hours. He has had NW in the past where he is wide awake and happy...playing in his crib and obviously UT. These recent ones have been different in that he is difficult to settle and wakes crying each time. Also they last so much longer than his previous UT NW which were usually 2 hours.
We put him down at 8pm tonight. He was tired but did pretty good with the extra 15 minutes. Will update tomorrow with tonight's sleep. Thanks for the support....feeling like I am drowning in exhaustion!

[Truly Blessed]

These recent ones have been different in that he is difficult to settle and wakes crying each time. Also they last so much longer than his previous UT NW which were usually 2 hours.

This sounds like classic 'Pain' NW to be honest Hun. I'd wager there are molars moving around in the gum and causing discomfort. Try giving meds as soon as he wakes as this will help you to figure out if I'm right or not.

The reason why we were doing an early BT was because I read so much about them getting OT when transitioning to 1 nap.

This is true Hun, and often a good idea, but usually is implemented when LO's are short napping during the transition, which you LO isn't...thank goodness 

x.

[kohler14]

He went to bed great at 8pm. He had one NW which was at 2:30. He stirred and then cried, which turned into an "I need you" cry (I think) so we went in to settle him. He settled relatively quickly and slept the rest of the night.  Today he has been chewing on his hands and started drooling a bit, which he hasn't had in a few days. I guess I am worried about "over medicating" him. I guess I feel like I don't want to give it to him if it isn't needed. I am relatively "holistic" but definitely want to relieve his pain and do not want him to suffer. Is there a way to tell if it really is teething? I feel like with a toddler this age it could realistically always be teething. I know his signs are usually drool, chewing his hands, and he grabs at the back of his neck. I think his neck gets really sore when teeth are moving.
Today he woke early from his nap, which is rare, so he slept 1.75 hours. He didn't wake crying just woke and started to play and talk in his crib. That's the update so far:)

[SILLYFACE]

Hi! I have a 13.5 month and your easy looks so similar to ours! The difference is we wake her between 3/3.15 or she is hyper at night or wakes early chatting. Perhaps try cutting the nap a bit - say 5/10 mins eery couple of days to see if it helps?
Personally id say it is teeth - my daughter now has all 4 first molars and is working on the back ones. Try medicating with ibruprofen as it is better for dental pain. You are doing such a great job and have promoted all the correct sleep associations if your lo is sleeping independently. Crying is a sign your lo needs something and cio will not help - in fact it could undo all your hard work if lo develops a fear of the cot.
Keep us posted good luck xxx

[Truly Blessed]

He stirred and then cried, which turned into an "I need you" cry (I think)

A good yard stick for this if you're unsure Hun, is that other cries tend to stop and start, stop and start, whereas an INYC is a consistent sobbing sound, usually more breathless. Trust your instinct.

Is there a way to tell if it really is teething?

Just the usual signs you mentioned Hun. Sometimes you can feel bulges in the gum and sometimes not. Sometimes they go up and down. My Cousin's LO just cut a molar that came through and went back in twice!!!

As he had a shorter nap and only 1 NW I'd say that's a good sign that capping the nap is a good idea. And like you say at this age they are sometimes teething all the time, so you still need to try and get the routine right but be flexible when ill etc.

Hope Today's a good one.

x.

[kohler14]

Tonight has been a bad night again. He woke up at 3am and it is 6am and he is still awake. I think he may just now be settled and falling asleep. We gave him another dose of advil when he woke up the first time. If he does fall asleep, should I let him sleep in past his normal WU time? Also he will be exhausted tomorrow, should I change his nap time or do a CN at all?

[Truly Blessed]

Oh my goodness Hun, 3 hours! that's rough. After a bad night when possible I allow a 'lie in' for DS. Then if his teeth are really bothering him an uncapped nap when he's ready. It's so hard to say without seeing him Hun, just go with your gut and get through the day as best you can.

x.