8.5 month old needs routine and help to sleep on own

[Nicolo12]

I had a hard time choosing a section to put my question under... what isn't the problem???
My 8.5 month old DD isn't on a routine, doesn't sleep on her own, won't take a bottle, and wont eat solids.
Where do I even start with all the stress I am having with everything being an issue. But I will not focus on the food issues, I'll just focus on the routine and sleeping help I need here...
(She is getting over an ear infection and is teething)
She will sometimes fall asleep on her own, after a little fussing, but it is rare. Do we try to get her to sleep on her own first or focus on the routine first?
Lately has been especially rough, because she will not go to bed until 11:30pm or later. Because we are up so late with her, we and her sleep in so it is only making it worse and worse. I plan on forcing myself to wake up early (for us) 7:30 or so and waking her up and going from there. So hopefully she is tired enough at bedtime. Her typical bedtime/bedtime goal is about 8-8:30pm.
I need help with getting a routine and getting her to sleep by herself.

Example for today... but it's always completely different from day to day... and I typically do not wake her from naps...
9:30 wake
BF- But she does not nurse a lot first thing in the morning... maybe because she wakes during the night to eat???
12:30 tried to put her to bed but she would not
If I remember right I nursed her a bit before nap... sometimes I do... sometimes not...she just seemed hungry (she does not eat solids)
1:30 was successful getting her to nap
3:30 woke her up
6:45 nap- even though this is a super late nap, she seemed really tired and I didn't think she would make it until bedtime 8:30pm
7:45 woke her from nap (did not want to be woken)
10:15 was super rubbing her eyes and seemed tired, so I nursed her and tried to put to bed but she would not
11:00- tried to put to bed again, she just cries and didn't look tired.
11:30- fell asleep nursing. Put her to bed

[Ima shel Alon]

Hi there,
Ok, yes, there are a few issues going on. Her first A time seems about right. If you have a look here: chronological EASY samples, 7-9 months you'll see that most babies her age are doing around 3h A time, so for now I would stick with that, till we sort out other things.
I think it's really really important you shift her day to an earlier start. TBH, I am a bit worried not just about her looking at your routine, but mostly on you - how long will you be able to deal with an 23:30 BT, sweety?
If you are aiming for BT to be at 20-20:30, then 7:30 sounds like a very good time to start the day.
So IIWY I would wake her up then, count 3h A time and then attempt the first nap. If I understand right she is not falling asleep independently, right? Because if she's not, then there is something she is dependent on to fall asleep... Do you want her to become more independent? If you do then you'd need to do some sleep training, which at her age would be PU/PD (or just PD if she already pulls herself in bed). Do you have Tracey's books? She gives a very detailed description on how to do PU/PD. And this can help as well: How not to give up....survival strategies!
How long will it take for PU/PD success?
How long do I do PU/PD?
I am not going to lie to you, you have a lot going on and it will take time for her to learn how to sleep ind. and self settle, and you will probably have some hard days and nights to deal with, but it will be then finished, yk? You will help your baby to sleep better and you as well will get your Y time and better sleep (which let's face it, is important for our babies health as well).
Ok, lets go on with the day - you are aiming for her to sleep 1.5-2h, so your next nap will be around 15:30-16:00 and then BT at your desired time.
About NW, you'd need to decide what you are doing - do you want to tackle the feeding or you want to leave it for now, it's all up to you.
HTH for now.

The most important thing - you can't start ST if she is not well yet, she needs to be 100% for you to be able to sleep train and tweak things in her routine.
Let me know how you are doing and if you have more questions .