11 week only naps for 45 mins, is still tired but won't go back to sleep

[chocolatebuttons]

Hi there,

I'm new here so hope I'm not posting in the wrong place.

My 11 week old boy really loves his sleep but during the day he will only sleep for 45 mins then is inconsolable. He doesn't want to be up and active and shows signs of being tired so I try to get him to go back to sleep for what i call his second sleep cycle. If he doesn't get this second sleep he's miserable so I end up struggling to get him to sleep for sometimes half an hour, by which time it's usually time to feed him! If he hasn't slept he is then so tired he falls straight to sleep after his feed.

While our EASY isn't exactly the same times every day it sort of runs as follows. We're on a three but sometimes 3.5 hour EASY BTW

E 30/40 mins
A 15/20 mins
S 45 mins
A (otherwise known as screaming time!) 15/20 mins but can be 30
S 30/45 mins
E as above

I am suffering from a little PND and the screaming sessions really wear me down and I don't know if I'm doing something wrong. I watch for his cues to see if perhaps he's not tired and I'm forcing him to sleep but he yawns and just cries if I try to entertain him. The only thing that stops him crying is me holding him over my shoulder, which I don't want to keep having to do.

He's a fantastic sleeper at night, going from 7pm to 7am with a dream feed at 10.30 so I sort of feel like I should just suck it up but it seems like such a battle during the day and I'm really struggling.

If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much x

[*Becky*]

Hi there,
Could you post the times for me so the time he wakes in the morning and then the times he sleeps so it might look like...
A - 7am
Nap - ?
That will give me a better idea of what is going on.
Do you use white noise? Blackouts?
45 min naps can be developmental but are also a sign of UT. If we can take a look at the routine it will help us to work it out.
Thanks

[chocolatebuttons]

Hi Becky,
Thanks so much for any help you can give. I've never kept an exact track of all my times but will do so tomorrow and get back to you if that ok, thank you!!
X

[*Becky*]

great

[chocolatebuttons]

Ok, so have been keeping track over the past few days and it seems we're all over the place!

E 6.40
A 7.10
S 7.50
A 9.30
S 10.00
E 10.30
A 11.05
S 11.30
A 12.35
S 12.50
E 1.55
A 2.20
S 3.20
A 4.05
S 5.00
E 5.55
A 6.25
S 7.30
E 10.30
S 11

E 6.30
A 6.50
S 7.55
A 8.25 (wriggling and jolting awake)
S 9.35
E 9.50 (ate very little, fussed and cried as tired)
S 10.30 (with 20 mind settling)
E 11.10 (again, ate very little and fussed)
A 11.40
S 12.15
A 1.10
S 2.10
E 3.40
A 4.05
S 5.00
A 5.35
E 5.50
A 6.30
S 7.15
E 10.30
S 10.45

E 7.00
A 7.30
S 8.25
A 8.55
S 9.40
E 10.10
A 10.30
S 11.10
A 11.50
S 1.05
E 2.00
A 2.30
S 3.10
A 3.55
S 5.40
E 6.10
A 6.30
S 7.15
E 10.30
S 10.50

So some days we get a longer sleep but then most of the time it's 30/40 mins naps only. I don't swaddled him during the day because we do it at night and I want him to understand the difference. Am I making problems for myself?! I've watched him trying to get to sleep and he startles awake and appears to have restless legs and arms. When I swaddled him a few days ago he still only slept 40 mins a I don't bother again, plus it was much harder to settle him.

Should I just suck it up?!

Thanks so much x

[*Becky*]

re the swaddling I would do what works for you atm. At this age we did swaddle day and night as DD had such restless legs but it is totally up to you, if it does not help then don't do it.
What I would say is that it will drive you crazy putting him down for this many sleeps a day and basically being in a dark room so make sure that at least one nap is out and about, in the sling, car or push chair. YOU need to get out and think of yourself too, he is still very young and as long as you are trying to put him down in his cot once or twice a day you are doing great
I am a bit confused on the first day as it seems from your EASY that he slept 7.50-9.30am but he went back down at 10am? That was a great nap so he could have handled the full A time.
The average at this age is 1.20-1.30 but if he did a good one on 1.10 then stick with that for the first nap and then try to add 10 mins on for the next A time so maybe 1.20. A lot of lo's like a shorter A time as their first one.
Also - this is nothing you are doing wrong hun, babies have to learn how to sleep. Some people are lucky and their lo's are angel sleepers from the get go but most are not. Make sure you get out and about as this will keep you happy and tbh if they short nap in their cot then you might as well be out and about having some fun or fresh air. There will always be more naps

[chocolatebuttons]

Hey, thanks so much for the speedy reply. My understanding of EASY at his age is to basically do 1.5hrs awake and 1.5hrs asleep. Is that right? If so his 1.5hrs asleep should essentially be two sleep cycles and be done four times a day? Well he only seems to do one then fights going back to sleep for his second and so I end up putting him down nearly 8 times a day which seems insane!! Am I getting fixated on this?!

We get out at least once a day for a walk and he loves his pram so goes straight to sleep but again, only for about 30/40 mins. Today his eyes bobbed open and shut for an hour! No idea where he gets his stubborn streak from!  But if finally went to sleepy town and he's been asleep for nearly an hour so I think I'm trying to turn him into a robot!

So should I just be aiming for one long nap and 2/3 shorter naps a day? I don't mind the up and down too much but he definitely complains of being tired if he only does a short nap...

[*Becky*]

Ideally you would aim for 2 long naps and then you would be able to manage with 2 a little shorter.
For now I would work on trying to get a good first nap as that makes the rest of the day SO much easier even if they do short nap after it. So let's try and figure out a good A time to begin with. Shall we start with 1.20 A time and see how it goes?
How are you settling him when he wakes? Are you using ssh pat?

[chocolatebuttons]

Ok cool. Thanks so much. I'll see what I can do! He seems to do one longer nap during the day recently so I'll try a longer first A and see what difference that makes. 

When he wakes I leave him in his cot and put his dummy back in. I then try to calm his thrashing arms and shh him but still in his cot. He appears really awake and really fights going backs to sleep so I tend to just get him up. If I continue trying to sooth him he just keeps crying. If I get him up and shh pat him he grizzled but then calms. When I then put him down again (usually after about five mins) he just screams so I tend to give in and get him up!

I always go straight to him when he wakes because he just won't settle himself. I've tried leaving him for about five mins but he keeps crying. I figure that if I get to him quickly he'll be less awake and won't work himself up into a frenzy so will be easier to settle but I'm not sure it makes much difference. I'm not adverse to letting him cry it out for a little bit but our flat is so small I can't bear it. Would it help if I did shhh pat for a bit longer do you think? He's so easy to go down initially, it literally takes no more than ten mins, sometimes less so perhaps I need to spend longer trying to settle him when he wakes? He just seems to alert and awake that I can't help feeling I'm forcing him to sleep! But then his a little grot bag ten mins later so I'm at a loss to know what's right!

[*Becky*]

I would spend a bit longer trying to resettle tbh....it is a pain but once he can do it with help he 'should' find it easier to transition by himself. It is def worth a try. If he is very hard to resettle then it is likely he is more UT than OT.

[chocolatebuttons]

Ok, will do. Thanks

Just when you think you're making progress he's been all over the shop today! Has wanted to sleep pretty much after only one hour and been really off his food. Right little grump! Ho hum... Every day is a new day!

Thanks for all your help xx