baby Patricia won't sleep without dummy/pacifier but keeps losing it

[onemoresong]

Dear Mums and Dads!

Please help-our baby Patricia is now 6 weeks old and sooo sweet ! She is quite a happy and content baby, but the nights are a problem. I only discovered Tracy Hoggs book a few days ago, have read it and we want to start working with her tomorrow- my husband took off the day especially so we can do it together at the weekend(or at least start together) and he can support me. So if possible, we need your advice quickly...

So: Patricia is used to sleeping in our bed and falling asleep while breast feeding.Which problem should we tackle first? Or should we tackle both at the same time?
We tried taking her to bed in her own bed after I fed her the last two days which kind of worked. She was more restless though and woke up more often(when she falls asleep while breast-feeding she doesn`t usually wake up again(once she's asleep, that's it for 2-3 hours). So I guess the restlessness was due to the change.
She is very active and wakes herself up by kicking-only when we take her to bed, not in the night. Swaddling is not an option-that makes it worse until she manages to kick it away. Putting the dummy/pacifier in her mouth is actually what calms her down. Then her body calms down immediately.
So the problem is that she will only go to sleep with the dummy(I guess she needs that instead of the breast) but she keeps losing it and then starts to cry. So when we take her to bed we have to lie next to her and hold the dummy until she falls asleep(we take it out when she is asleep as Tracy Hogg advises so that the falling out won't wake her).

Help! What shall we do? Take the dummy away and stick through the rough times? Or is there a way to teach her to keep it in? By the way- putting something against the dummy to hold it I don't want to do because I find it too dangerous as she is alone and we can't see when she pulls things over her head. And it wouldn't work anyway as she moves so much and it wouldn't stay in place for long, anyway.
One more question: does she have to sleep in her bed every time? According to the book, I know the answer is yes and I understand why. The thing is that we are out a lot(sometimes for the whole day- sometimes it's not possible any other way due to doctors appointments and we live far out) and then she sleeps in her pram or in the car. Also, she seems so sleep quite well on the couch in the day with the life around her. I have tried taking her to her bed in the day,too(as I said-we only discovered the book a few days ago) but she doesn't like that. Or should we get through that and try to put her to sleep in her bed in the day,too? Or does going out with her catapult us back? But I mean- that can't be the solution to have to stay home all day just because she has to sleep in her bed- is it okay that when we are out she sleeps in the pram or in the car?
Have I forgotten anything? Maybe this: Patricia sleeps(as long as I'm breast-feeding)in a baby-bay on my side of the bed. Oh yes-and for the last ten days she woke up approx. twice a night- usually around 1am and 4am.

Right now she is actually next to me sucking her dummy without a problem. So I wonder if she only loses it in the night because she knows that will guarantee her that we stay with her?

I'm sorry if this post is a bit long, but it is my first post ever and I am not sure which information you need to help-that's why I described it so much.

Lots of love,

Carolyn and Patricia

[PaulsMom]

hi Carolyn,

Congrats on your LO.  Some one once told me to "proceed as you intend to move forward" so wrt co-sleeping, if this is how you want to sleep as a family, then by all means continue.  If you do not want to co-sleep, then I think I would stop the practice sooner rather than later.  The same goes for feeding to sleep, keeping in mind that sooner or later your LO will have to learn to sleep independently.  So to answer your question "which problem should we tackle first?" I think this is up to you but it sounds like you are leaning towards getting her to sleep in her own bed. 

WRT the dummy, I think at this age, it's really hard for them to learn to keep it in their mouths or to "re-plug" themselves.  Usually this won't happen until 6 months or so.  If you think that the dummy is a prop (which it sounds like to me), then I would wean it and use another technique (e.g. Shh-pat) to settle / soothe your LO so she can learn to fall asleep independently. 

Swaddling is not an option-that makes it worse until she manages to kick it away.

  At this age, I would prefer to swaddle but most swaddling cloths are not large enough.  Have you tried a swaddling sack like the woombie or the swaddle me swaddle or Miracle blanket?  I know lots of moms will swear by these and your LO won't be kicking loose blankets off of her (which could be potentially dangerous at this age).  Many LOs are calmed by being swaddled and this also prevents them from waking themselves with arms or legs. 

does she have to sleep in her bed every time?

  I don't think it's realistic to assume that all naps will occur in her bed.  As you say, you have appointments, etc so some will occur when you are out and about.  Plus I don't think it's healthy for anyone to be inside all the time.  however when teaching your LO to sleep, it might be a good idea to have a few days in where you can work on a routine that includes her sleeping in her own bed at night and for naps (if that's what you want).  Usually if I am out for a good part of one day or DD ends up napping in her car seat a lot one day, I try to stay in the next day so she can get some naps in her crib. 

she seems so sleep quite well on the couch in the day with the life around her

Ok, I have to be honest here, I wouldn't let my DD nap on a couch for fear that she could roll off and hurt herself or suffocate in the couch cushions.  You do raise a point however, newborns often sleep when there is noise which is way a lot of moms will also swear by using white noise to help soothe their LOs.  Currently I have a humidifier in our room so that makes a bit of noise that my DD falls sleep to.  Again consider long term how you want her to sleep, if you want her to sleep in the living room, then consider having a play yard or bassinet that she can sleep in and be safe. 

WRT night waking, I think that it's pretty age appropriate for her to be waking twice to feed at night.  just feed her, burp her and put down to sleep.  Regarding feeding to sleep, at this age, it might be hard to prevent them from falling asleep when feeding.  Both of my Los fell asleep feeding at 6 weeks.  Some moms will do this whereas others will not.  My DD will still (at 5 months) fall asleep feeding sometimes but I know she can transition between sleep cycles independently and can also fall asleep independently so I don't worry too much about the odd time that she does fall asleep when feeding. 

So I wonder if she only loses it in the night because she knows that will guarantee her that we stay with her?

  It may seem this way, but at this age, the dummy is just falling out of her mouth when she relaxes and then she wakes because she cant suck on it.  Basically it's falling out before she's in a deep sleep.

Hope this helps!

[jessmum46]

Fab advice from PaulsMom

I would only add that she is only six weeks old - don't put too much pressure on yourselves to get things 'right'.  Choose a way that works for you as a family, and if that's co-sleeping and feeding to sleep, many families around the world do just that and are happy with it.  It's only a problem if it's a problem for you, if you see what I mean.  Yes if that's not what you want to do longer-term, I would agree that changing it sooner rather than later is probably for the best, but many mums find that sleep training is easier once LO is a little older, say around 3 months. 

Good luck with whatever you choose to do

[onemoresong]

I wanted to thank you all and those who replied for your support. Patricia is now almost 12 weeks old and this is how things changed: she sleeps in her own bed(at least she goes to sleep in it), though when I feed her in the night we both fall asleep during breastfeeding, but I can live with that. We started an evening ritual for her by taking her to bed at the same time every day and reading her a story. And most of the time she goes to sleep easily in her bed. And if I don't fall asleep during feeding, she will sleep in her bed in the night,too. I just tried to put her in her bed one night and it worked . And apart from waking up twice for feeding, she usually sleeps for the rest of the night. She still can't hold the dummy herself, but we put a mullcloth in front in the evening and that works. When she's asleep we take it away.
So things have improved a lot here- thank you for all your support .

[jessmum46]

Fabulous . Thank you for coming back to update us!

[PaulsMom]

Great update!