At what age can a baby be expected to resettle themselves at night?

[LovelyLilyandJack]

My son is 4 and a half weeks old and still waking every 2 to 2.5 hours in the night to feed which i know is quite normal.  Last night he seemed to be resettling when i put my hand on him but when he started crying I got him up to feed him anyway cos i wasn't convinced he'd be able to settle himself yet and it had been a couple of hours since his last feed. But within 5 / 10 minutes of him feeding he was fast asleep and i really struggled to wake him again so after half a feed i just put him back down rather than be up for hours.  It made me wonder if I'd been a bit more persistent with trying to settle him without a feed whether it would have worked cos he didn't seem that hungry?  Same thing 2 hours later when he woke with a leaky nappy

Is it worth me trying to teach him to resettle now or is he too young? I'd been planning on leaving it another month before making any serious efforts with teaching independent sleep (he'll already get himself off to sleep for some naps and sometimes after night feeds). But if it gets me more sleep to try it sooner AND he's capable of learning I'll start earlier.

[jessmum46]

I'd say he's too little at the moment - you're likely to have more success with independent sleep closer to 3-4 months of age when he will be more capable of learning self-soothing skills.  As you've said, frequent night feeds at this tiny age are pretty normal, especially for breastfed babies so if it were me I would just feed and get you both back to sleep if it has been 2.5-3h or so since the last feed.

Just to bear in mind - if over the next few weeks he continues to wake every 1-2h at night, I would think about whether there is anything causing him discomfort e.g. gas or reflux as generally you would expect those night feeds to start stretching out.

Hope that helps

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Thanks, I thought he was too young. I guess i just expected him to be starting to lengthen the time between feeds at night by now. My daughter was a good sleeper from birth and was sleeping 5 hour stretches by 7 weeks. I can't remember what she was doing at 4 weeks but 5 hours between feeds seems a very long way off at the moment and I'm just wary of making things harder than they need to be!

I do think wind often wakes jack which could be contributing (I cannot hear it gurgling)  but i guess that generally improves by 3 months too.  I'm already using infacol and winding 3 times during a feed. I'm not sure if there's anything else i can use.  Have heard of gripe water and colief - don't know if either of these are meant to help wind?

[jessmum46]

I think some mums have found gripe water quite helpful - might be worth a go?

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Yeah I might try it just in case.

He definitely won't settle at night without a boob He was awake when I finished his bedtime feed tonight but would not entertain going down without being fed to sleep.  Less than an hour later and he's awake again and won't settle without a feed. I can tell he expects it as soon as he's swaddled cos he goes from being wide awake and refusing the breast to rooting as soon as he's swaddled and within a few minutes of feeding is asleep.  It's the same in the night - he feeds for 10 minutes (usually needs 30-40 minutes) and falls asleep so deeply i can't wake him and he won't have any more. My daughter did this too but at 3 months. I hate not being able to tackle it now and saving the problem up, knowing I'm reinforcing it all the time

I had been planning on teaching him to sleep without me at bedtime after his 6-8 week growth spurt as this is the age my daughter started going to sleep without me.  Do you think that'll be too early as well?

[jessmum46]

If its any reassurance I fed to sleep at bedtime for the first 3-4 months, and then fed to extremely sleepy for several more months afterwards.  I always fed to sleep at night feeds too, though didn't feed at every NW.  It never became a prop for us here.  Honestly he is so so tiny at the moment it's not surprising he wants the comfort of sucking to go to sleep.  Give him time   you can start using shh pat to help teach him to settle independently whenever you feel ready, but don't expect him to be able to self-settle consistently until nearer to 3-4 months.  Good luck x

[creations]

I had been planning on teaching him to sleep without me at bedtime after his 6-8 week growth spurt

I personally don't think it is too early however (and a big however) it is vital to keep expectations low and to see it as a gradual teaching/learning/reassuring process that takes time - days, weeks, months - not hours.

My DS was independently falling to sleep (put down tried and awake or drowsy and awake, fell asleep alone without any crying) younger than 10 weeks old and for the majority of naps and nights several weeks earlier than that. At 10 weeks he was so independent he refused to sleep in the living room travel cot and wanted to be left in his night bed to go to sleep.  I heard about BW when he was 4.5 wks old and started EASY and a gradual teaching of independent sleep then.
That isn't to say it is always smooth sailing from there on in, routine changes, developmental leaps so on so on, there are always tricky times coming and going.
I think if you are comfortable to begin the gradual process then go for it, always taking care of yourself and not putting yourself under pressure to 'achieve' though.
wish you well whenever you begin.

[twogirlsmommy]

I'm going to honest here dd2 is 3 weeks today and if she wakes at night before 3 hours I do try and resettle but only b/c she is half formula fed/half breast milk so techincally if her last feed was 3 ounces of formula then I try and see if is discomfort or true hunger.  DD is still up every 3/4 hours to eat and its killing me lol. 

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Thanks everyone for yourself replies.  I think I'll try for increasing the number of naps he self settles for after 6-8 weeks and see how we go with bedtime and night wakings. He's actually ot by bedtime i think which is unavoidable at the moment and that's why he can't put himself to sleep at bedtime but he can in the night so I'll have to wait til he can handle more A time i think before expecting himself to put himself to sleep reliably.

I think it's going to be hard to see if the feeding to sleep is becoming an issue much before that 3rd month anyway.  It did with my daughter but not til she was just over 3 months and i think I'd recognise it again if it happened.  We fixed it in one night for her so not a big deal.  I'm just finding it hard to step away from independent sleep at the moment i think!