whoops...accidental parenting!

[Raroo]

hey everyone! I guess its the toddler boards now that LO is 13 months. Here is our deal!
LO has always been a very tempremental baby- a touchy baby. She sttn at 9 weeks and then decided at about 3 months she was done with that and then was up and down for months and months. Sometimes sleeping great and sometimes not. From about 10 and half months though LO was a pretty good night sleeper again generally sleeping through but otherwise up for a quick feed once and then STRAIGHT back to bed no problems ever. Naps have always been great as LO was an independent sleeper, just put in her cot, she hugs her lovie and sucks her thumb and all is good. Then I came along and said 'hey things are going to good let me throw in some accidental parenting!'
Around the 12 month mark, we were staying at family for a week and I wanted to make sure LO didnt disturb anyone so anytime she cried I quickly fed her even just after a peep and also I gave her alot of bottles before naps and bed times- we generally bf but LO also takes formula. Unknown to me, LO learned that the bottle was needed to go to sleep! I didnt really pay attention to this and since then I just gave the bottle even straight after a feed to stop the crying but now its a prop. A big, annoying prop.
Firstly LO is up every night at either 3 or 5 crying hysterically. In the past, I would go in, she would instantly calm down, I would feed her and bye bye baby. But now I go in, some nights LO esca.ates the crying and tries to resist me picking her up and when I do, arches her back and screams and screams. Then the only way to calm her down is making her a bottle and leaving her with it. The other option is I go in and feed her and then as she finishes she looks up, says 'baaaa' and starts getting ready to play. If I try put her back in cot, she screams!! If I let her, she crawls all over the bed, happy as pie as if its the middle of the day! And then the only way to get back to sleep is of course the bottle! Naps have become impossible unless I give the bottle beforehand. Basically, after my whole rant, here is my point. How do I eliminate this NW? How do I wean off the prop? Whats with the wanting to play in the middle of the night!!??
Here is a sample EASY. We are on a late schedule
9: WU
1: nap
3: WU
8/8 30: Bed time
of course playing and eating in between.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read!

[katie80]

Hi and welcome to toddlerhood!

I think at this age the best way to get rid of a prop is to just do it and be super consistent about it. So, no more feeding to sleep at any sleep time or NW. She is able to understand so much of what you're saying now, I would use your words as much as possible, telling her 'no milk, it's time to sleep now'.  She will likely be furious and do all the screaming/kicking/crying possible (and it may last a good while the first couple days), but if you're consistent and firm with it, she should catch on quick. The good thing is that she has been an independent sleeper before and has a lovey and her thumb, so once she remembers how great those are, she should be back to settling herself. . You can do either WIWO or GW at this age. Here is a link on those options: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE). Check to see which one you think might work best for her.

As for the playing in the MOTN, it sounds developmental to me. I think if you get rid of the prop, you have a good chance of her not waking at all, but if she still does then she should be easier to settle. Is she working on walking or standing or just maybe likes to crawl? Your routine wouldn't cause an UT waking, which it sounds like that may be. In fact, I think to rule out OT, I'd start pushing the nap to more of the middle of her day, so toward 2ish. She may be only able to handle going to 1:30 at this point, but right now the afternoon is a good hr longer than the morning and there's a chance that could be playing a factor.  Most LOs with a 4hr first A are still taking a small pm CN to get them to BT.

Hope that helps some. I know it seems really daunting to try to get rid of a prop at this age, but it's totally doable.

[Raroo]

thanks for informative reply! She has been standing and taking a few steps for the past few weeks and this week started walking a bit also. Could that be a factor?
Ok so I will try a 4.5 hour stretch in the am and see how that goes!
I read over those 2 methods and LO will definitely not go for WI/WO method so I guess I would try the gradual withdrawel. How do I go about that in this case?
Some nights are good which gives me hope! Last night was great but todays routine ended up being that the am nap was after 3.45 hrs and was only 1 and a half hours because we had to go out after that to a family gathering. So then I kept her up for 5 and a half hours and then early bed time of 7 15. So we willl see what will be!

[katie80]

She has been standing and taking a few steps for the past few weeks and this week started walking a bit also. Could that be a factor?

Yes, for sure.  It does sound like more of a prop issue to me, but developmental stuff can have a big impact on sleep as well.

How do I go about that in this case?

You will do your wind down routine, sans milk (so give her a bottle or BF her before you go to the bedroom to wind down; or feed her in the room, but don't let her fall asleep).  Then, put her in the crib with your sleepy phrase and either take a step back or just sit next to the crib on the floor.  When she pulls up to stand, you can go to her and lay her down with your sleepy phrase again or you can just pat the mattress and have her lie down herself and say your sleepy phrase.  You can hand her her lovey and/or rub or pat her back once she lies down, but the more she does herself the quicker the whole process should go.  After a few days, when she starts to settle better, you will then start to move back toward the door every couple days so that in a week or two, you should be out.

odays routine ended up being that the am nap was after 3.45 hrs and was only 1 and a half hours because we had to go out after that to a family gathering. So then I kept her up for 5 and a half hours and then early bed time of 7 15.

Any chance you could get her to take a small CN on a day like that?  It's such a long afternoon A.

Keep us posted!

[Raroo]

I extended the morning A time to 4.45 hours and things really got better!! We had a couple of sttn nights. So thanks for that! Will try the gradual withdrawal if LO needs it! Also just spotted 2 molars came through today so that could be a reason we were having some trouble.
Another question is as follows. Friday was a good day, albeit only an hour nap in the day as we were travelling in the car out of town. Friday night though was a great night where LO went to sleep at 7 45 and slept in till 9 30am. Is an almost 14 hour night bad??? She had a great 2 hour nap in the pm after 5 hours A time but then played till latee Saturday night- Im talking 11! Is that because of the late lie in??

[katie80]

Sounds like progress!

Also just spotted 2 molars came through today so that could be a reason we were having some trouble.

For sure.

Is an almost 14 hour night bad??? She had a great 2 hour nap in the pm after 5 hours A time but then played till latee Saturday night- Im talking 11! Is that because of the late lie in??

No, a 14hr night is awesome!  It shows that she can really regulate herself and make up for the sleep she's lost with the proper bedtime.  The late night Saturday night was probably likely to the late nap more than the lie in. It seems as if the nap gets too late, it can start to cut in to night sleep a bit.  If you get another late morning like that, you might do the nap after just 4.5hr A and then cap it to a decent time (within 30-60min of her normal nap wake-up), so that BT doesn't get too off.  But, if it's not a regular thing, it's probably nothing to worry about.