12 month old started nursery - sleep nightmare!

[kreamtee]

Hi all,

I posted some time ago about our little boy (then 11 months old, now 12 months old), as we were having nap refusal/crying before bedtime problems... and with thanks to the support provided through this forum, we managed to shorten his a.m. nap to about 40-50 mins (at 9:30am after get up at 6-6:30am), and then with an afternoon nap of 1hr 20 - 1hr 30 mins (at 1:30 pm), we had some lovely bedtimes (at 7pm)! He was able to fall asleep independently.

This was my previous post:
Re: 11 month old crying before going to sleep at night (and to some extent naps)

Even managed to cut out the night feeds too!

However, huge change recently as I went back to work 2 days ago (4 days a week) - having Wednesdays off. Our little boy (who definitely has a touchy temperament) had quite a few settling in sessions (twice a week for 3 hours or so each time, for 4 weeks), and he really did not settle in the nursery cot at all (just completely missed out on naps), so they tried him in these little crib things on the floor in the main baby room (where all the other babies play/sleep!).. and rub his back and sing to him to get him to sleep. Unsurprisingly he doesn't get more than -30-40 minutes sleep twice a day and so is exhausted at bedtime therefore much crying : (.

I asked if they would try him back in their cots (in a separate room off the main play room), thinking that perhaps when he gets used to it, he is more likely to extend his nap (he only ever really does more than 40 mins when he is in his cot at home - only has catnaps if in the car or in the buggy, or carrier) than if he is in the main room...

However, he only had a 15 minute nap in the cot this afternoon at nursery... and therefore we have just had 3 and a half hours worth of settling this evening (literally the worst we have ever had!). Although I know that some of this will be due to the huge change that has occurred, I still think that overtiredness played a huge part....

So, I just wondered if anyone had any tips/experience with this sort of thing?

My main questions are:

1) Should I ask if they would try to persist with the cot (rather than the cribs) and gradually start reducing the amount they rub his back and then stop rubbing back and just shhhh, with a view to just putting him down and him happily falling asleep? You see, I am a bit worried that the back rubbing is becoming a prop, as he seemed to want it this evening to drop off (only to wake up 15 mins later crying)... and am worried that he will never do a longer nap if he is constantly stroked to sleep.... (he has never really been stroked to sleep before - rocked when he was little, but then from 8 months onwards he was settled in his cot with sssshhing, as he hated being touched when upset and trying to go to sleep). Not even sure they would have the capacity to do this at nursery, as they have so many little ones to look after...

2) Should we try to stroke him (and shush him) to sleep at night, whilst they are still doing it at nursery, otherwise it must very confusing for him - if we just try to put him down as usual....? And then we gradually reduce the stroking etc. as they do ?

3) Any other ideas?

Many thanks from a sad and tired mummy....   

[Mama2Athena]

Both my kids started daycare full time before they even turned 4 months, so I don't any experience with an older child starting daycare.  But I do know they have adjustment periods and what goes on at daycare doesn't necessary translate to what happens at home (at least with my kids anyway).  Looks like your LO just started?  I was told it can take a few weeks to get sorted out.  I know when my kiddos first started, naps were very short and often they would fall asleep on the way home.  Depending on how much/little they slept earlier, I would allow a catnap of 20-40 minutes to ward off the OT.

After the adjustment period, my older DS (a heavier sleeper) managed to nap in a pack n play in the middle of the playroom (there was no separate sleeping area).  My DD, on the other hand, is a light sleeper and only managed 40 minute naps at daycare until she transitioned to one nap.  In the infant room, she was in a "darkened" room with 8 cribs/babies all on different schedules, so babies were constantly crying.  Once she transitioned, they put her down on a mat for naps with all the other toddlers in a separate area farther away from the crying babies.  She started napping longer, partly because when she woke at the 40 minute mark (and this still happens frequently), they would pat her back down to finish out her nap (1.5-2 hours).  I was a little worried about all the "patting" at daycare, but was reassured that what happens at daycare usually stays (i.e. LO's know that their routine there is different than at home).  I've hardly ever have to pat my DD back down during naps at home.

Does your daycare have a separate sleeping areas for toddlers who have transitioned to one nap?  This helps a lot, for us and other parents at our daycare.  I was also told by my daycare that they often "help" babies get back to sleep as best as they can.  They rather spend a few minutes doing that, than to deal with an OT crying baby all afternoon.

If it were me, I'd probably keep your routine at home best as you can and not adapt to nursery's methods.  Hopefully your LO will be able to distinguish the difference between home and daycare.  Good luck - give it a week or two more for LO to adjust :-)