Tantrums in the middle of the night please help!

[Sarsheep]

We had awful NT and they would calm and then start again 20/30min later, OT def to blame and I also used wts to help-it just disturbed the sleep pattern enough to help. Big hugs x

[timmysmommy]

Liz- that sounds like what we've got going on here.  The other night she seemed to want water, so I brought her down for a glass, and she snuggled right into me and once I got her upstairs, she lunged into her bed and went right back to sleep.

Sarsheep- yes we had that one of the nights.  It was awful!


ENM- I have some rescue remedy.  I'll try it!

Bec- I wouldn't say your advice was ineffective!  It was greatly appreciated.  Looking back I think she was just overstimulated, and a light sleeper.  Not much I could do to ratchet down her stimulation with her crazy big brother running around!

I definitely think OT is a big part of it- and stress!  I'm stressed, she's having Sep anxiety big time when ex leaves.  And there is no consistancy between houses.  Not in schedule, or anything else.  She has a hybrid here, crib there, no paci here, paci there, no diapers here, diapers ther, and on and on.  I'm wondering if I should give her the paci back, or drop potty training for awhile, or put the side back up in her crib? 

I really don't feel like any of these things have been dramatic for her- but it has been tough that they all occurred around the same timeframe.  She slept in the pack n play while we lived in the hotel this summer since she could climb out of the crib.  I set up a bgb in the new apartment.  She's been very interested in the potty, so I jumped on it, and she is inconsistent.  Some days she goes, other days we have lots of accidents.  I can't help but think the inconsistencies between our houses is making this harder than it has to be.  I have days with her self initiating and no accidents, then she comes home from his house and we have a full day of accidents.  With the paci, I had stopped giving to her at sleep times unless she asked for it.  Then a few weeks after we moved in, I just told her it was gone.  She only asked a few more times, and then was fine.  But H let's her have it all day every day with no limit.    He is limiting it now, because I haven't seen it except in a picture he showed me of the kids sleeping. 

Thoughts on these issues appreciated.  And if I should post this elsewhere, please let me know!

Last night she cried out briefly but often.  Around 3 I went in, recovered her with her blanket and gave her another backrub.  She finally fell into a deep sleep and slept soundly for a few hours.  Unfortunately I couldn't get back to sleep, so I've been up since then.

H has the kids tonight,Friday, and Saturday night.  So I'll post more next week.

I have a doctor's appointment coming up.  If it's not resolved I'll bring it up and see what she says.

[We Three]

Poor you guys.  ((((((hugs))))))

 Yes, this definitely sounds like NTs/confusional arousal.  She may wake because of the urge to pee or because she is hot or whatever, but then gets 'stuck' in a state between sleep and wake.  Visiting the potty is a phenomenon that works for many parents, (us included!) as it seems it can 'reset' them.
 For us, big changes, OT and OS were triggers. She had them when she started preschool, and again when she started kindy. Long wind downs, a cool room with a lighter blanket, and no high stimulus in the 90 minutes before bed, (no tv, no rough play....just talking, reading, quiet things) all of that helped.  NTs are hereditary too, so the fact that you had them also points that way.

 IIWM, I would give up PTing and any other big changes until she settles into her new home, new bed, and new routine of having 2 homes. I might just leave everyhting for 6 months and just give her time to acclimate, kwim?

[*Liz*]

It really is so very strange, it is almost like she is sleeping talking/tantruming isn't it??

I think I would be as consistent as you can even if that means letting things like the PT go for now. Kids can adapt to having more complicated lives (mine have a very complex routine due to our work commitments), but it does just take them longer to get the rules and patterns.

(((hugs)))

[becj86]

Last night she cried out briefly but often.

This is what L does when he's dreaming and sorting his way through things in his sleep. He goes from the NT's to this and of course I'm up at every little sound but have to hold myself back and just listen to check if he actually needs me. Often I'll find after a few days of this, he'll be like a new kid. Not sure what effect going to XH's place for a few days would do to that process though...

Not sure on the inconsistency... Part of me thinks reduce her confusion/stress about that and it may help/part of me thinks she's getting closer to working out the differences (from the changes in her sleeping) and it may be worth sticking with it. FWIW, PT is a farce in this house and the dummy is still around, so well worth listening to Liz & Anne on that front as they've actually BTDT

Hugs xx

[timmysmommy]

Lol Bec! . Good to hear that crying out may be the end of a night terror session.

I think I'll reassess next week after their weekend at XH's.  I just feel so bad for her.  On top of everything, she came down with a new rash yesterday- on top of her existing rash.  Not sure what's causing either rash.  I have always used I scented everything for my kids.  And I can't think of any new foods.

I spoke with Ex about all these issues tonight at pick up and he said she had been having tantrums at night at his house.  It just dawned on me that I didn't ask how he dealt with it- probably CIO! . Anyways, he of course remembers mine- hard to forget your wife wanting to beat you up- or running off the edge of the bed.  And I reminded him it was due to stress and OT.

He plans on heading out to a social get together at T's preschool, and hopes they fall asleep on the way home which would be a good BT for tonight.  I also suggested he drive to his afternoon destinations with the kids at 1, and she can just catch her nap in the car. 

Fingers crossed!

[Katet]

ditched the paci,

Can you bring it back, my thought is that with her being able to have it with her Dad, then she still has it & it may just help the transitional time, she is already struggling with her sleep?

[becj86]

probably CIO!

If it is confusional arousal - which it seems it is, this is actually one of the main recommendations - LO doesn't know you're you when you're there trying to comfort and so you're just prolonging the confusion and they do actually pass a lot quicker if you don't interfere (done both enough times to say this is true, at least for L). This is especially so for when OT/stress is the trigger - less so if its heat or something else physical that you can control.

FX the outing and subsequent earlier sleep time in the car will help and that she gets a nap of some description with that suggestion.

[Joy-filled]

Hugs to you.  My LO is younger and I don't have any experience to draw on but I was really moved by your thread and my heart goes out to you and your family.  I can't imagine the pain and stress for all of you at this time.  Your little girl seems to be communicating the effect it's having on her and it's clear she's struggling.  What a great mom she has, though, as you clearly care so much about her and what best for her. 

I'm not sure how old she is and I'm sure you've done this, but do you daily talk to her about her feelings and give her lots of opportunity to express how she feels and what effect this is having on her?  Even if she's barely talking, I wonder if it might make a difference for her to hear you affirm and help her put into words that it's hard for her to leave Daddy, this is confusing, she feels angry, etc.?  Perhaps a child counselor may even be a help?  They often have ideas about how to help little ones express and work out their feelings through means other than talking.  I'm not assuming you haven't tried any of these but in case you hadn't, perhaps it might help a bit?