14 weeks with routine issues. Ugh

[ecb01js]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if im posting this in right place, I think I have routine issues which stem from allergy issues but if I start here I guess someone would bump me over to the right board if I'm not in the right place?!

Background- dd2 had awful reflux from the very start, had to feed and basically live in baby carrier as she couldn't be laid flat, even nappy changes were horrific as the acid was spilling out of her almost instantly- various meds and tests revealed that she has suspected milk protein allergy and now has neocate milk which she doesn't seem to like but has improved her symptoms.

She had no routine whatsoever until about three weeks ago when she started on neocate and could feed comfortably for the first time in her life (before was either comfort eating to keep the acid down or refusing to eat because of the pain) and she was taking 1-2oz every 3hrs but taking 90 minutes to drink it (it smells of potatoes  so understandably she wasn't too impressed at first!)

She is now taking more at her night feeds than she is during the day, she will take 4oz every 4hrsnat night but only 2-3 every 3hrs during the day. Should I try 4hr easy during the day?

Her naps are  shocking. Shocking. She only slept in baby Bjorne or wrap for 3months and was in serious pain in pram/car seat so she never slept or even sat there. She is now comfortable in both but I cannot keep her asleep in either for more than 30 (ot) or 45 minutes.  Cot naps are a rarity as dd1 needs entertaining and takeing out (our house is tiny) so staying in all morning to crack a nap is out -
Dd1 has already been shoved aside so much with all the feeding issues and constant carrying  of new bubs.

I also cannot read her cues. She doesn't seem to have any! She essentially screamed solidly for three months and now that she is comfortable she just seems so grateful, she just smiles and coos all the time! When I carry her or put her in the pram, she looks around, no distant staring, no yawning or eye rubbing, she just goes out like a light at some point. I've tried noting the a times that she falls asleep at to spot a pattern and work with it but I'm genuinely at a loss.
I feel like I do not know her at all routine wise.
I also have no idea what makes her comfortable- some nights she only settles when swaddled, other nights (or after a feed within that same night!) she only settles in the bag or on her side or on her tummy (Shh don't tell health visitor).

I'm finding this particularly stressful as dd1 was a total BW baby, perfect self settling  for naps from very early on, loved swaddle (still loves it now at 2.4 when she poorly or teething).


I guess I would like a bit of routine advice- should I press on with 4hr easy and just accept rubbish naps for a while? Vaguely remember dd1 just figured it out herself after a while?
Or should I focus on lengthening naps on our 3ish hr easy despite her not taking much milk?



Once again, not a particularly succinct post- apologies!

[Ima shel Alon]

Hi there and hugs, sounds like you had a rough beginning.

TBH I find it difficult to give a routine advice, because she has just started being better and probably needs a bit more time to get used to her new formula, feeding times and how to space them and the sleep without pain. On a "normal" case I would straight away jump into looking at A times, but she doesn't sound ready to me. What do you think?

If you find her sleepy cues too confusing and hard to read then I would rather go with looking more at the clock. At her age she should be doing around 1:20-1:30h A times (Average A times- BOOKMARK ME! ). What are her A times at the moment?

And as well re HOW she falls asleep, with such a refluxy baby I wouldn't do much yet other than trying to keep her as comfortable as possible and let her fall asleep as she is used to, if the wrap or carrier is working for you (especially with another LO at home) then I would continue with that.
If you want to change that then you can try for some of the naps to be in the cot and elevate the cot, that helps with the Reflux.

[ecb01js]

Thank you so much for the reply.

I think you are right, I do feel like we are starting over with her now she is more settled, I feel like I'm only just getting to know the real her which is madness given her age!

I went by the clock today and she napped better (in carrier) and when i tried a nap in pram it bombed and she was awake two hours before conking out for an ot 30 minutes.
Maybe I should stick with the carrier until her routine is more established (as long as my back holds up!!!)- fix naps and routine first then battle where the naps happen?!

Perhaps I'm worrying unnecessarily but I don't want to end up with her only being held
For naps- this is just not possible with a two year old who needs mummy's attention too.

Also, she has turned in feet and legs which  she has been referred about but the gp said I had made the problem worse by constantly carrying her!!! Helpful comment, thanks! So now I have that playing on my mind too!

Thanks again for your advice xx

[Ima shel Alon]

Hun, you are doing the best you can under the difficult circumstances.

I am visiting now my sister who gave birth 6 weeks ago and her DD has Reflux. It's the first time I look after a baby with Reflux and I am stunt. I am suddenly so full of admiration to parents of Reflux babies.
All parents, at one point or another, see their baby in pain or discomfort, but to see it every day? You are all, and I really really mean it, super parents.

IIWY I would do the same, tackle having some order in the day and then tackle the "where".
My LO had no Reflux, but I was queen of AP! Till 4.5m he had all his naps in his pram and there was no way he'd sleep anywhere else during the day. When we tried ST at 2-3m it was so hard and we dropped it because it was so much easier to let him sleep in the pram. But when he was 4.5m old and we decided to try again it was so much easier, it was like both him and us were ready, yk?
So if I could wean him from the pram you can wean him from the carrier later.

Which kind of carrier do you use? Does you GP has another suggestion of a carrier? Does he have ANY other suggestion about how to go about things?

[ecb01js]

Yeah it's been a steep learning curve that's for sure! Luckily our gp (not the judgemental locum who commented on the carrier) has been absolutely amazing. They refereed us the same day as an emergency and dd2 was kept overnight in children's hospital and have been generally brilliant and informative about something I genuinely had no clue about. Although the health visitor from the same practice told me reflux was 'made up by women who needed a label for a fussy baby they couldn't soothe' I won't type what I replied to her with, needless to say it was far from polite.

With regards routine, dh and I decided to take a pin in a map kind of approach.
We essentially have chosen to put her on a 3.5hr feeding routine with awake time of 1h45, starting all naps in car seat on the pram rocker with snooze shade on. We thought if we try this for a week then reasses then maybe we would have something to build on. So far she has settled in the car seat for each nap (Catnap still in carrier, don't want to push our luck too far!) but has woken between 30 and 40 minutes into sleep at which point we have noted the time and allowed her to finish napping in the carrier. Hopefully she will either grow into self settling past 45 or we will tinker with her routine to improve naps.

Feels good to have a plan!!!! Maybe I can see a chink of light at the end if this tunnel after all!!!!


Merry, sleep filled Christmas to you all xxxx

[Ima shel Alon]

Sounds like a good plan, I would just add that perhaps you shouldn't be stuck on the 3.5h gap between feeds because there can be days when she'll want to feed a bit earlier or a bit later.

Good luck!