15 m/o used to being held to sleep

[Gabi1023]

Hi,

We are trying to teach our 15 m/o daughter to sleep without having to be held, which is a bad habit we have created for her.  I have read on here that we need to put her in her crib and walk out of the room.  Then we are supposed to let her cry for a few minutes and then go in to her, but not pick her up.  Then we are supposed to walk out and let her cry for a bit longer and then go in to her, not pick her up and then repeat for as long as it takes, I guess??  Can someone please let me know if this is the preferred method of BW? So far when we have done this, she cries and screams until she is gasping for air, it's obviously very hard not to pick her up and comfort her. 

[Gabi1023]

...I also should add that our LO has always woken up at night and we have always given her a bottle and then put her back to sleep.  We are trying to break her of this habit of eating at night as well as the habit of having to be held to sleep.  Could it be too much for her if we try to break both habits at the same time?  We are thinking it may be best to break her of her bottle first, and give that a week or so and then begin trying to break her of her need to be held to sleep.  Does that sound like the right way to do it?  Thank you

[*Becky*]

Hi,
Yes I would tackle one problem at a time if it were me so your plan of getting rid of the bottle first seems like a good one.
The method you are talking about is Controlled Crying and on BW we don't advocate this as Tracy Hogg, the original BW'er did not believe in either CC or CIO as she believed it broke trust between parent and child. There is a method called WIWO which you may have read about here and that differs in that yes you do leave the child once you have done your usual bedtime routine but it is not time based i..e you do not leave them for a set time which then increases each time you leave them. If doing WIWO you listen to the lo's cry and base your return on that so if lo is very distressed you go straight back but if they are mantra crying or stop start crying you leave them...hope that helps. Any questions let me know. x

[Gabi1023]

Ok, thank you.  I walked in and she was crying, so I laid her down in her crib and walked out, but she went right back to crying.  What should I do when I walk in?  If she wakes in the middle of the night and she is not crying but more stop start crying but it's lasting for a long time like over 30 minutes, what should I do?  As long as she is crying she is missing out on sleep, so how long do I allow her to stay awake and cry?  Is there a thread anywhere dedicated to WI/WO that I can read?  Can you please explain how WI/WO works.  Thank you

[Gabi1023]

...Also, if she wakes up from her nap and is start stop crying, how long do I allow that to continue before either going in to her or just cancelling the rest of her nap?  I am sure she is still sleepy but if we allow the crying to continue and try to get her back to sleep, her nap will run too close to her bed time.  Thank you

[*Becky*]

I can't link atm but if you go to the FAQ section at the top of the TS page you will see a thread about the difference between WIWO and GW and it gives you some good info.

When I walk in I just replace DD's lovey or say sssh and stroke her head before leaving again. If it is stop start crying I would leave her tbh, if she needs you she will let you know. She needs to be able to learn to self soothe and if we jump in all the time she will find it harder. Only you can tell if she needs you, I know with mine they can do on/off cries/moans but they don't need me, I know that type of distressed 'mummy' cry.

Re the nap I usually suggest to try for 45 mins and then just get her up so if she is not settling then get her up and do an early BT.