'Cot Terror': anyone with experience with this one?

[LittleM]

My 22 mo has slept through since 12 weeks (aside from when teething and ill). She woke up cold at 3 am two weeks ago and I couldn't get her to settle.  We have never let her CIO, and were doing a half hearted PU/PD to try and get her back to sleep.  An hour and a half later we were still at it, she was getting more hysterical and I put her down and walked out, and she lunged for me and fell out of the cot. 
Since then we have had a major sleep regression and when I read up in my Baby Whisperer book, it appears that she is now scared of her cot.  I have been following Tracy's suggestions and am wondering if anyone has been through this and can offer any advice.
Where we are now:
I have dropped the sides of the cot so that she can get in and out (I think that a bed might be a transition too far at this stage - or am I wrong?)
She will go to sleep knowing that I am in the room, standing at the door (progress from having to sit on the chair next to her bed).
She is waking up during the night and screaming blue murder until I go in and then it's taking me over an hour to settle her (standing at the door, ignoring her, but doing PD if she climbs out of the cot).  She is pretty calm throughout though - no crying etc once I am in the room with her.
I put a mattress in one night and slept there, and reassured her that I was there when she woke up during the night.. she went back to sleep right away.  Last night she didn't want the mattress in her room and I was up from 2 - 4:30 with her.  She wasn't crying or upset, she was just lying in her cot trying to put herself back to sleep.
So tonight I have made a big deal about putting the mattress back and sleeping in her room with her.

So my question is: does this ever come right - two weeks of very little sleep seems unending!
Does it really only take three nights of sleeping in her room (per Tracy's suggestion in her book)?
What else can I do to help her overcome this fear?
Any thoughts / advice / suggestions would be appreciated
Having glanced through some of the other topics - we may be dealing with a few different things:  Have had to cut her DTS to an hour as we have had EW and refusal to go to sleep at night, plus she has just had a language explosion) - but it doesn't seem congruent with the waking up screaming and crying - it's just not like her)
Thanks

[HenaV]

Hi!

Big ((hugs)) we went through a similiar thing at around this age re: SR - from what I've e seen it's fairly common. R also started climbing out if her cot at age or a tad older and so just before her 2nd birthday we took the side down.

You know best as you are there but dobyou think there is a chance you are interpreting a SR as fear of her cot. I know when R went through this it was like she was scared of her bed and that I was offering her up for sacrifice as I put her into bed. I've never quite seen anything like it from her. It then went on to DTS. It was pretty hideous.

In the end I had stick as closely to her routine as she would allow, EBT if the nap was short or non existent and basically get tough with her. She too has always been a IS, so I would offer the reassurances I needed to and do Wi/WO. I got tired of crawling out of her room like a camando veteran and so had to change things up.

It's hard to see your LO like that I know, but with R I found 'feeding' it and permitting it to grow wasn't helping. Hence the toughing up approach.

Can you post your LOs day in EAS format in any event just in case? Also any sign of teeth?

Hena x

[LittleM]

hi Hena
Definitely got me thinking... there has definitely been some manipulation going on for the last few days!
When it started happening, we initially thought it was a sleep regression. 
Up until a month ago, her routine was
wake: 6am
eat: 7am
(activity: 6 hours)
eat: 11:30
Sleep 12 - 2 / 2:30
(Activity: 5 hours)
dinner 6pm
Bedtime: 7pm
 And for the last few weeks we've been waking earlier - around 5, and starting to refuse the nap and bedtime.
so it looks like:
wake: 5am
sleep 12:30 or 1 - 2 (I try to keep it to an hour)
bedtime: down at 7, but a fair amount of faffing til 7:30.

I have been having to put her back in her cot at least 10 - 15 times per sleep session.  It's now becoming a game to her. 
So do you suggest we do WI/ WO (presume in this instance, I would walk in, put her back in her cot and walk out, without talking to her to much?) and keep doing it every time she gets out her cot?  at the moment, I have an agreement with her that I will stand at the door til she falls asleep, and if I do step outside the door, all hell breaks lose. 
And move the mattress out and do the same during the night when she wakes up?
Definitely no sign of teeth - but the incisors did aggravate her for months before they finally came through.  But I can't put everything down to teeth!!

I am definitely in the market for a toughening up approach
thanks again xx

[Littleboyblue]

I am tagging along here as we are going through the exact same off the last 4 weeks, all shattered in my house house and hoping the 2 year regression end soon.



You have my sympathy x

[HenaV]

Hi again,

Her routine before the shenagans kicked in to me looked good. I wouldn't cap her sleep too much. I don't think 2h atbthis age is excessive. I would however keep gone day to 13h max if the nap is 1.5h plus and consider a shorter day / EBT If the nap is shorter.

If your lo was previously an IS then yep I'd Definately toughen up and do Wi/ WO.


I've always followed the following rules when I have had to do Wi/WO:

(1) BT as normal
(2)Get the 'don't go, I need you mummy' patter from R. My response: No R is time for night nights (or whatever your sleepy phrase is), lay her down and leave shutting the door behind me (she sleeps in the dark with the door closed) ... And let the games begin!!
(3)R will kick off the minute I walk away- stand back and assess. Is the cry upset/distress OR temper/frustration. If it's the latter, do not go in. Hold back. There is a difference IMO between upset and angry cries - don't jump in! If it is the former, implement (4)
(4) go in - put back into bed/ lay down and again say sssh, it time for night nights now - and again leave
(5) again stand back and assess and do not rush in. Only go in if you LO is upset not just angry / frustrated. If you need to go back in, say NOTHiNG - simply put back into bed/lay down and leave
(6) rinse and repeat (5) until he gives in - HE WILL. It may take hours the 1st time, it will take less time the 2nd time and so on until he decides it's just not worth the effort 

Top tip: make sure you have something to occupy you waiting on the landing - Phone, book, game - something that can distract you and stop you rushing in/ going in prematurely. You will be there for a while so be prepared to stay the course and I promise you will crack it - he will relent before you do.


What do you think?

[LittleM]

Hena
thanks so much for the advice and support. 
On Night 1 - it took about 30 minutes, and we had a 4 am wake up, where we rehashed the exercise
Night 2 - it took 20 minutes and she slept through  (pity mum didn't, as I kept waking expecting her to wake me at any second!!).. and she slept til 6 - which was a lie in for us!
Night 3 - tonight - just took me 30 minutes, but she was pretty calm.  Just kept waking herself up to check I was still outside the door.  Only went in when she was crying and upset.    She didn't sleep for long at lunchtime so I think she was overtired too.
I think that it is working and I just wanted to say thank you for helping with the method and for giving me the confidence to take charge.
Couple of Q's: She tends to get out of her cot and wander around a bit before she starts crying etc.  Presume I ignore all of that until she starts getting upset... ie - I don't go in just to put her back in her cot?
If I need to do an EBT due to short DTS - how early should I aim for? 

LittleBoyBlue - thanks for the hugs - and the same for you.  It's unbelievably stressful. Having had a little one who has basically slept through since 12 weeks, I had no appreciation for someone who struggles with sleep issues.  I do now.
I know that you will come right and that you will manage to find a way through this all.  You are doing a great job.

xx

[LittleM]

meant to say that on the first night, she accepted the negotiation that I would be standing OUTSIDE the door quite happily. Which I was quite surprised at.  That definitely worked in our favour as she knew what to expect.  And we discussed it at dinner time and through bath time so it wasn't a surprise at bed time
xx

[HenaV]

Couple of Q's: She tends to get out of her cot and wander around a bit before she starts crying etc.  Presume I ignore all of that until she starts getting upset... ie - I don't go in just to put her back in her cot?

I think you need to gauge how she will react. For instance if I went in and out R back in she would kick.off but outbound be more if an angry frustration Thing but when R did it, she'd go into her draws,  wardrobe, anything for a reaction. If you think it's working to just leave her, then keep w oily th it.

If I need to do an EBT due to short DTS - how early should I aim for?

I'd say go for a nap half an hour before normal BT with a short nap, so for you 6.30 and 6pm if NND

HTH xx