My 8 months old

[farn1985]

My son is 8 months old. He can't sleep by himself. When he was 7 months I tried to put him on his crib, said sweet dream, closed the doors and he cried and scream for 2 hours. I did it for 3 days. The third day he cried about 5 minutes and fall sleep but when he wake up around midnight my husband doesn't want to see he cried then he picked him up, hold him and took him so sleep with the same bed. After that day he wasn't want to sleep on his crib. He act seem like he scare for his crib. Now he is sleeping with us and like me to cuddle him. I feel so tried. I decides to take my son to my auntie's house. And I will try to train him again and I brought a new crib for him, but I don't know how to start. What should I have to do. Anyone can help me? Please.

[farn1985]

Oh I forgot to tell something. He won't me to put him down to his crib. When I put him down he is crying and screaming. Help me!!!! Please

[katie80]

Hi there, welcome to BW! I'm so glad you found us.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your DS has been a bit traumatized by his cry it out experience.  We don't in any way support CIO on the forum as it can break the bond of trust between your baby and you.  But, we'll be happy to support you and help you train him to sleep independently using other methods!

Here are some links on why we don't believe in CIO...
Cry it out (CIO): 10 reasons why it is not for us
Research on why 'cry it out' and 'controlled crying' is NOT recommended!

And here's one on how you can work to regain his trust...
Regaining Trust of Your Child

Oh shoot, my baby is awake and needs a feed... I'll be back with more advice on where to go from here, or maybe someone will beat me to it. 

[farn1985]

Thank you to respond me. If I can put him down to the crib. What is the next step to train him sleep by him self?

[katie80]

Yes, he will probably fight you and cry when you put him in the crib... the key is to stay with him and reassure him that you are there to help him fall asleep. You might want to think about staying in the room for the whole sleep time for the first few days and then gradually work your way out.

With a baby this age, you'll want to do PUPD (Pick Up/Put Down) to teach him how to sleep. I'll paste a link below to help you with that. Also, in order to achieve good sleep habits, you want to make sure you're trying for an appropriate routine. I've pasted a link for some samples as well.

How to PU/PD (inc age adaptations)
chronological EASY samples, 7-9 months

Have a read through those and let me know if you have any questions. We'll be happy to help you through the process! It can be done!

[katie80]

Thank you to help me. Now I know how to put my son in his crib and how to train him to sleep by himself. I start the process today. And I just found his bad habit it comes from me. When my son want to sleep I always give him breastfeeding until he sleep then put him on the floor like you tell me to do because he doesn't want me to put him in his crib. And for the first nap his eyes closed. He star to cried and turn his face to my breast, but I gave him a pacifier after 3 minutes he fall sleep without any sound. I am observing his routine for 4 days. He change routine.what should I do about stop to feed him when he fall sleep. And any suggestion about his routine. Here his old routine and new routine.

Old
7:00 gets up and bf
7:30 play
8:30 breakfast
9:00 play
10:00 nap #1
11:30 snack time #1(fruit)
12:00 bf
12:30 play
2:00 nap#2
3:00 snack time#2(cereal)
3:30 bf
4:00 play
6:30 dinner
7:00 bath time
7:15 bf, music, book
7:45 sleep time

New
6:00 gets up and bf
6:30 play
8:00 breakfast
9:00 bf
9:30 nap#1
11:00 snack time#1
11:30 play
1:00 bf
1:30 nap#2
2:30 snack time#2
3:00 play
4:00 bf
4:30 play
6:00 nap#3
7:00 dinner
7:30 bath and bf
8:00 play
8:30 music, book
9:00 sleep time

I have pasted your message here, so we can keep it all together. To stop BFing to sleep, you can do a couple things. One, a more gradual method, is to pull the nipple out of his mouth earlier and earlier, so that eventually he doesn't feed all the way to sleep. That method is described here: PANTLEY'S GENTLE REMOVAL PLAN. The other option you have is to remove the BF itself farther and farther from sleep time. So, you BF 15min before you normally would and don't let LO fall asleep at the breast. After a couple days move it 30min earlier, etc etc. The final option would be to just not offer the breast and use PUPD to get him to sleep.

Looking at your routines, I think the old one (first one listed) is actually more approrpriate for an 8mo old. You want to be aiming for two solid naps and an 11-12hr night. Tracy did however advise that BF should always come before solids until around age 1, as milk is more important. So, a routine might look something like this...

7am Wake and BF
8am solid breakfast
10/10:15am Nap #1
11:30/45am wake and BF
12:30pm solid lunch
2:30/45pm Nap #2
4/4:15pm wake and BF
5pm solid dinner
7pm BF
7:30ish BT

Does that seem doable for your DS?

[katie80]

I try to put my son in his crib today. He isn't scare any more. May be because I change a new crib that different from the old one. The first time I took him on his crib with his toys he didn't cry he play with his toys about 5minutes. Then he made a sound like he boring. I pick him up and put him on play mat play with him and stayed close to him. I still put him on my bed when he fall asleep. When he woke up I said my phase and let him on the bed about 5minutes. After that I put him to his crib with his toys. I did the same for 2 days. I can't follow your advice that put him on the pillow, because my son doesn't want it. Now I can put him on his crib after he fall sleep in my arms. I say my phase then put him down gentle. He can sleep in his crib longer. Sometime he wake up and cry a little bit and he can sleep by himself. Sometimes he can he cry and I pick him up immediately. Hold him until he fall sleep, say my phase and put him down gently. So do I can keep doing like this or not?

Posting here again... It sounds like you've definitely made some progress, that's great! Yes, he's too old for the pillow thing that link talks about. Sorry, I should've mentioned that earlier!

The next step will be to start putting him down when he's drowsy, not all the way asleep. If he fights it, try to soothe him in the crib using shh/pat or something similar. If he keeps fighting, then pick him up to reassure him, but again don't hold him until he's all the way asleep. Put him down again drowsy, repeat if needed, and finally let him drift off on his own. Then, you'll gradually keep putting him down more and more awake, until you can just put him down and leave the room. This whole process may still take a week or two, depending on his temperament and trust.

Hope that helps... keep me posted!

[katie80]

I am following your suggestion, but when my son drowsy then I put him in his crib. He is crying. I pick him up and put him back when he clam down. It isn't work. He still cry. I try to do it again and again for 1hours. So I gave up and let him fall asleep and then put him down. Can you give me some advice? Or Do you have another process that can use with my son? Thanks

Have you read this link? ... How to PU/PD (inc age adaptations)

For his age, you actually don't want to hold him til he's all the way calm. Try to settle him in the crib as much as possible, pick him up if you feel he needs the reassurance, and then put him back down right away and continue trying to settle in the crib. He may cry for 45min to an hr the first day or two every time you try, but if you are consistent, he will get it. Unfortunately, that means you shouldn't let him fall asleep on you at the end of that time.

How's it going now... any improvement?