3yr old - dropped naps, now terrible nights

[rootjoose1]

Our son is 3 yr 3 mon, and has always been a terrible sleeper (I received support from the BW forum when he was much younger). He's always suffered from constipation (eventually managed by Movicol) and was almost 2 yr old before we realised he was lactose-sensitive too. Until that point the poor fella was screaming for hours every night with stomach pains and we couldn't even think about sleep training (we comforted him in every way we could). Many months later I guess we are left with poor habits and a little boy who never seems to enter deep sleep- so whilst I'm confident he's no longer in pain, he wakes briefly once or twice and cries, before we jump straight into bed with him. We were ok with this, but starting to think about gradual withdrawal etc.
However, things have now taken a turn for the worse. Around 2 months ago, he refused to nap at the childminder's anymore (4 day/week, Mon-Thurs) and has become horrendously OT, I think. He happily still naps at home Fri-Sun, capped at 1h20min so that bedtime isn't too late. Night sleep deteriorates through the week- many NWs, nightmares etc. But by the end of the weekend we typically get back to a more normal night. Typical week:

Wed
0630 Wake
1900 Asleep
Bad night, many short wakings

Thurs
0620 Wake
1905 Asleep
Horrendous night - very unsettled

Fri
0500 Wake
1255-1415 Nap at home, 1h20 capped
2000 Asleep
Better night- only a couple of short wakings

Sat
0615 Wake
1250-1410 Nap
2015 Asleep
Brilliant night- few small stirrings. Slept on his own!

Sun
0740 Wake (!! Amazing for us)
1300-1420 Nap
2000 Asleep
Few short wakings but OK

Mon
0630 Wake
1840 Asleep
Very unsettled, many wakings

Tue
0700 Wake
1900 Asleep
Very unsettled, many wakings

I'd really appreciate some input as to whether there's anything I can do to break this awful pattern of terrible nights on his busy week days? I don't have much flexibility with timings Mon- Thurs, but Fri-Sun I could change the nap, perhaps? Seems hard to think about sleep training when things are like this, but perhaps we're the problem?

Thank you very much.

[ZacsMumme]

Hugs, your right, he is likely to come bt on nnd can you possibly get him to bed any earlier on the nnd? - it's really your best way to ward off the OT if he won't nap....but I understand it may not be possible. At 3yrs my DS could only handle 10.5-11hr days without a nap.

You could try an earlier nap with the childminder and see if he takes it. My DS was napping as late as 2-3.30 before nap dropping but once he was really dropping it he owls take an 1130-12 morning nap he was just so tired he took it when I gave him 'rest' time. Maybe it could work??? Or can the CM offer him quiet time?

[rootjoose1]

Thanks for the reply! (Sorry it was a lot to read).
We do have long days on NND, you're right. But with only a 10min snack and chat before we head up to bed (after getting home from work and the CM's), 7pm is about the earliest he can get to sleep.
But I will ask the CM to gently suggest an earlier nap- problem is they're almost always out all morning. It's like he refuses on principle now anyway, and CM and I agree on not leaving him to cry in bed. They do always have quiet time- all the LOs sit under a blanket on the sofa and watch quiet TV. DS always tells me if any of the others have dozed off that day-he's clearly feels they've let the side down!
He could handle this all so much better if the quality of sleep at night was better. But I guess we're stuck with this pattern for a while, until things 'click' and he's less OT all the time. I do really worry that after 3+ years of chronic sleep deprivation, this has taken a toll on his development, let alone the quality of his day, gosh I feel so bad for him.

thanks again x

[ZacsMumme]

I know, it's hard when it's a bit out of your control. ((Hugs)) you can't make a child nap, even if it's best for them - he will be fine hun.

When are his NW - typically at the same time at all? I'm wondering if a timely w2s on certain days could help you get a longer night

[Buntybear]

I have to say you are 'lucky' that he still sleeps with you - most kids will not nap at home when they drop the nap!

I would say whilst you are going through this it is not the nest time to sleep train though I do think that you do need to do this ASAP.. Unless you can get him to nap at the CM then I think he is getting the max amount of day sleep he can get during this transition. It might be a matter of just riding it out until his body adjusts x

[rootjoose1]

You're right Buntybear- at least he will still nap at home, and we can catch up just a little. I don't expect it to last for much longer though... We usually don't have too much going on at the weekends either, so can have lots of quieter, less-exhausting times (though still some fun I hope!).
The NWs are really random, usually within 3-4 hours of falling asleep onwards, but then in and off all night. W2S is a great approach- I used to to lengthen DS's naps when he was much younger, but not something I can use at night right now xx
With the summer holidays coming up, we'll have a few weeks at home and I'm hoping we can catch up on sleep, and then work towards slowly, slowly dropping the nap and having longer, good quality night sleep. And then we'll be in a good place to support DS in becoming an independent sleeper too!
Thanks for all the support  xx