Hysterical 7 week old

[leeeleee]

Hi all, first time poster :-). I don't know all the acronyms so bear with me!

I'm a first time mum of a healthy 7 week old girl. She is pretty unsettled, and during the day (from about midday onwards and especially from 3pm til around 11, it takes me hours to settle her. I start putting her down after feed and play time and I see tired signs. But the only way she settles is on my breast. But doing this is resulting in me overfeeding her, causing wind and impacting subsequent feeds as I don't have enough milk to give her a full feed as she snacks so much, nor am I sure she needs a full feed as I am feeding her so frequently.

I had a lady out from Whispers Cottage yesterday, and on their advice we are settling her in her bassinet, ssh - patting and leaving the room when she's calm (re-enteting to settle when she cries).

My issue is she screamed hysterically for 45 mins while I was patting her last night (about 8pm), so I couldn't leave the room. But it seemed my presence was prolonging the hysterical crying. I picked her up a couple of times to try to calm her, she stopped crying when she saw the fan and stared at it, but when I moved her out of eyesight of anything stimulating and just cuddled and ssh-patted her, hysterical again.

Is it ok for me to leave her crying in her bassinet for short periods? I can't get her calm enough to ever leave so I think I need to leave while she's crying to see what happens?

I know she's very young but I'm getting 2.5-3 hours sleep a night and it's not healthy. She is continuously getting over tired and hysterical in the evenings as I can't settle her. The day before I started this she was up for 8 hours, despite hours of rocking and patting and singing. This was the norm.

She may have a bit of wind and shows some signs of reflux which we are investigating (going to see if mylanta makes any difference) but I think she just wants to be fed to sleep, which i can't continue doing as can't leave the house really as she gets so upset and I end up feeding her everywhere - side of the road, disabled toilet, park. Not so much an issue for me but it's not good for her i don't think, she's never full enough to sleep and as I said it's causing wind.

Sorry for the long post, but essentially wanting to know if it's appropriate to leave her hysterically crying (patting her) for up to 90 mins? It's incredibly distressing. :-(

[katie80]

Hi there and welcome to BW! Many (((hugs))) for what sounds like an exhausting time with your LO.

To be perfectly frank, no you should not leave her to cry for any period of time at this age (or really any). Doing that will cause her undue stress and likely break the bond of trust you are working to build with her. She is so, so young and needs a lot of help to get to sleep and stay that way (unfortunately it's not always as easy as just doing a bit of shh/pat). And, if you suspect discomfort/reflux, you really can't expect to get her sleeping well until you know she's not uncomfortable. It's possible some of her reflux symptoms you are noticing are from over feeding. I think as you trial the meds, it would be a good idea to try to stick to a 2-2.5hr feeding routine (unless you know for sure she's hungry) to give her tummy a little time to settle in between. It's also possible the struggles you are having to get her to go to sleep are down to her being overtired. Can you post an example of what a day might look like for you, i.e. how long she's awake before you start trying to get her to sleep, etc? It's totally normal to not really have an EASY routine at this point, but knowing how long she's awake can help.

I know all of these things aren't probably what you hoped to hear, but I can assure you if you make sure she is well and use gentle methods, she will one day sleep well. For the time being, I would start by getting her to sleep however necessary. Does she sleep in a sling/wrap or swing? Lots of moms start by trying to work on one crib nap per day at this age. And, if she isn't settling after 20-30min of shh/pat, I'd just pick her up and cuddle her to sleep. I know it seems counterintuitive, but honestly I'd rather as well-rested baby as possible right now, as there will be plenty of time to work on getting her to sleep independently.

Here's a good link on shh/pat, if it helps: Shush-pat - How to But again, I'd try to get the possible discomfort/feeding issues solved first and then focus more on independent sleep. (((Hugs)))

Here are a few more links on why we don't support leaving a LO to cry on her own...
Cry it out (CIO): 10 reasons why it is not for us
Research on why 'cry it out' and 'controlled crying' is NOT recommended!
Kara & Alexandra's Story