5 months old and NW at 0030,0130,0300 and 0400. NEVER DONE IT BEFORE

[Marysmum]

I would really appreciate if someone could advice me.... I havent slept more than 2-3 hrs per night in a whole week...

Mary is 5m7d old. I have tried to put her on EASY since day one. It wasnt easy at all, but she has been quite on track with the schedule and she is a very happy baby that doesnt fuss or cry too much (almost never actually). Yet, she has always had hard times falling asleep. Even when she was 2m old it could take me two hrs to put her asleep at night time... two hrs of shhh-ing.. Also, she always woke up for her 3/4am feeding. Yet, she was able to sleep from 2230/2300 till her next feeding, and then back to sleep till 0700/0730.

Since she turned 4m things got harder... I slowly changed her schedule from 3 to 4 hrs and she has begun sleeping longer stretches without feeding, but also waking up a few times a night while being on a light sleep moment and needed my presence to fall asleep... and I KNOW I messed up at this point. I have probably been with her too long when she woke up and now she cant fall asleep without me shhh pattinig her every time she wakes up. Yet, it would usually take her 15 min to fall asleep, so it was not too bad... until a week ago...

she has started coming out of her deep sleep around 0030 and beging completely awake by 0130... i tried to wait .. and she usually doesnt cry for another 20 minutes in which she just talks to herself... at that point she is really tired and she calls for help. I went to her around 0200 and she didnt fall asleep until 0330... and was awake again at 0400... she simply cant fall asleep, and when she does she wakes herself up every 15/20 minutes...

I feel so bad, because she wants to sleep so bad, and she cant let herself go and becomes very frustrated and starts crying. During all of this I am right next to her, with the side of her crib all the way down, and my chest, head and arms just around her to confort her...

I have no idea why she wakes up at 0030/0130...  I can understand the 0400.0430 am, when she was having her night feed which i took away 3 weeks ago, but i tried feeding her and she turns her head.. so hunger should not be the problem here.. but i still cant explain the 0030/0130. Im clueless and desperate..

She is usually very good with her nap, but now she is cranky all the time after a week like this... cant blame her... 

This is a typical schedule for her:

0650-0715 Wake up
0850-0910 Nap which usually last 1.5 hr

1030/1045 she wakes up but I wait to feed her till 1100

1245/1300 nap again which usually last from 1.5 to 2.0 hrs

1500 feed her

1700 catnap
1900/1930 feed her
1930/2000 bed time....

 her routine is pretty good, but since she tured 4m the nightime has slowly become a nightmere.. and now she is awake 3/4 hrs every night... doesnt cry in pain or anything, but she cant fall back asleep and only starts crying when she has tried to fall 7/8 times but keep waking up...

does anybody have any suggestion? im quite desperate at this point

[jessmum46]

Hi and welcome to the forums . Hugs too for the sleep deprivation - that's the reason most of us found this place!  I hope you find it as supportive and helpful as I did when I arrived

It looks to me that besides the dependence on shh pat which you have identified yourself, your LO is showing signs of needing an increase in A time.  5/6 months is a common time for the 3-2 to start - All about the 3-2 transition- 5/6 months

I would suggest you start increasing your A times 5-10 mins every 3-4 days, working towards eventually dropping that catnap.  As you do this you will reach a point where there isn't enough time for a catnap, but it's too long to normal bedtime.  You have a couple of options in that scenario - either a very tiny power nap (even 10-15 mins can be enough for some) to make it through to bedtime, or (my preference) make use of early bedtime. 

There is lots of useful information in the link above.  You can also join other mums going through similar on our birth clubs - 3-6 months, Part 42 - why not pop in and introduce yourself and your LO?

Hope that helps, let me know if any more questions x

[jellyfur]

Hi there. I feel your pain as I'm currently going through something very similar with my little girl who is 5 1/2 months. She was always a fantastic sleeper and never woke during the night (been sleeping through from 6 weeks), then since turning 5 months has been stirring every hour / two hours during the night. If I don't catch her in time she wakes up fully and we get a full blown tear fest and re-settling her is a challenge.

Like Jessmum46 said, you could try extending the A time and aim to cut down, then phase out the 5pm catnap. I have been doing this now for the last 10 days and am starting to see some small improvement (although having a bit of a battle with nap time length). Some of the signs that they are ready to drop the catnap are:

- Early waking
- Waking in the early hours of the morning for a ‘cot party’. Usually your LO is happy and ready to play!
- Fighting bed time: Your LO can become a nightmare to get to sleep- lots of crying and fussing- sometimes leading to missing the window and an OT baby!
- Fighting the cat nap: The last nap of the day is getting later and later- and your LO is harder and harder to get to sleep for this final nap

See this thread: All about the 3-2 transition- 5/6 months

It might also be worth getting The Wonder Weeks app for your phone. It's great and lets you know when your baby is having a development leap and what signs to look for. Funnily enough, around 23 weeks they go through a pretty big leap and according to the app they will become more fussy, eat less, sleep less and generally be a little more upset. So hopefully it's just a phase and normal service will resume for us both soon 

Good luck. As I said, I'm already seeing some improvement from increasing A time and cutting the cat nap out.
xx

[Marysmum]

Jellyfur/Jessmum46, thank you so much for your replies and support, you made me look at this whole situation with a different perspective.

I am a first time mom and the pregnancy/delivery and first weeks adjustment time have really had a big impact on me. I was so sick during my pregnancy I had to take a 1 year of leave without pay from work, and then decided to quit my job to spend time with my daughter, at least until she is 1/1.5 yr old. I am breastfeeding, but I just produce enough milk to feed her during the day, so I have no way to store my milk, and I am forced to always be present at breastfeeding time, or to supplement with formula if I need to go somewhere. Also, my husband is often gone for work, so the whole "raising our daughter" thing falls on my shoulder. But, she is an amazing girl  SHe is a textbook baby which I might have made a bit grumpy on the sleeping side with my accidental parenting... Hopefully I will get things better from now on..

In order to prove me that she is clearly going through the 3-2 transition, yesterday she went back to a 45 minutes afternoon nap followed by an hour of playing on the couch and then by another 45 minutes nap... all of this pushed the evening catnap at 1815.... she usually take it at 1700... and she went to bed at 2000 and fell asleep at 2030/45.

We did the dream feed at 2330 to see if it would get rid of the 0030 NW, which it did, but she still woke up at 0130... 0350.... and 0500... at this point she wanted to be fed.. which I did, and she was awake till 0630... but then she fell asleep till 0800... I know I was supposed to wake her up at 0700, but we were both exhausted... Hope it is not a big issue...

The only thing I am worried about is to have her overstimulated while trying to extend her A time. The main issue is that since she is awake for so long at night time, she is very cranky and tired during the day. Once she is overstimulated she is a nightmere to put asleep, even on her nap time when she usually fall asleep almost on her own.

What would you recommend?

Thank you so much for all your help.

[jessmum46]

Hugs lovely, being a mum is a huge adjustment and it is HARD.  Nobody really tells you that, and even if they did I don't think you can truly understand until you do it for yourself.  I can say with certainty that some things do get easier as they get older, particularly the being tied to mummy all the time thing.  Breastfeeding is a wonderful gift you have given your DD, it can be quite a sacrifice but honestly, I bf my DD for a year and really it seems such a short time now I look back on it.  My DS is still bf at nearly 11 months and has never had a bottle or formula, but again knowing this is such a short time in his life means I haven't really regretted not being able to do things.  It is much easier once solids are in the mix too - if I need to head out somewhere he can always have a snack and I'll BF when I get back.  So hang in there, you are doing a great job

When extending A times just add 5-10 mins very low key A time every few days.  This will give her chance to get used to it and hopefully avoid overstimulation.  It could be as simple as an extra 5 mins on your wind down, looking in a mirror together, a walk in the sling/your arms round the garden pointing out flowers etc.  it may feel like it's getting worse before it gets better, but stick with it and we will be here to support you x

[jellyfur]

Absolutely agree, having a new baby is a massive adjustment and one that you don't really fully understand until you're in that position (despite how often other parents tell you) haha. Sounds like you're doing a great job! Unfortunately I wasn't able to breastfeed (my DD had a severe tongue tie which was not checked / picked up on) so I can't give any advice on how this may be impacting on the routine and NW.

I agree with Jessmum46 though, just add 5-10 minutes to A times every few days. You'll probably notice your LO getting tired and she'll no doubt do the usual 'cues' for sleep but these can be a little unreliable at her age so try and truck on and for those extra minutes just walk around with her, doing a wind down as Jessmum46 suggested.

Good luck - hopefully you'll see a difference soon