My "calming presence" makes baby 100x angrier

[arialvetica]

Whenever I try to pat-and-shush she FLIPS HER @#$%.  Before I come in she is intermittently crying, little yowls here and there.  I come in and gently serenely pat-and-shush her and acts like I'm abusing her.  :/  She's 7 months.  I thought we were through the woods but her sleep has been getting worse the past few days.

[becj86]

Could be a routine issue... Presume her A times are just over 3hr and she's actually tired when you put her down for a nap?

Are you sure she needs you? Sounds like that intermittent crying could be mantra?

[newkidontheblock]

Hi there,
Have you taken the BW know your baby quiz?
The BW "Know Your Baby Quiz"

With certain personality types, our presence can aggravate/stimulate more than help. I have found that my DD has a hard time settling if she can 'see' me/my face. DH's face doesn't seem to bother her but with me, she seems to get charged up and it angers her that I won't pick her up. Also, with older bubs, the shushing sound can actually be a bit annoying. Can you try patting and humming instead? Or just stroking/rubbing her back lightly? Around this age, it is important to use your voice to soothe also.

I think bec has raised a good point. Is it possible that she didn't need you yet? If she is fussing, I would suggest leaving her to it. As Tracy says, S.L.O.W down and listen to your baby - Stop, Listen, Observe, figure out What's up. Go in and help only when the cries go to a 'I need you' level.
Recognising a Baby's Cries

Would you like to post your routine for us to look at, hun?

[*Liz*]

If she is grumbling on and off it really is probably a mantra and she is trying to settle herself..... Then you come on in and start patting  .

7 month olds tend not to like shh/ptt unless they have been accustomed to it from birth. Some babies really don't like seeing mama if mama isn't going to pick them up and do whatever they think they want (eg BF, rock, etc).

[arialvetica]

Wish I could post an audio file! She'll be quiet for awhile, and then the crying is definitely a cry for help sound, but she takes 10-30 second breaks. Sometimes full minutes. I've been in here for 54 minutes and counting (started with a 5am waking). Standing close and shushing, patting, just holding a steady hand on her stomach, sitting in a chair on a dark corner, going back to my bed....it all has zero effect. Same results no matter what I do. Usually when my husband has a turn she goes back down within 1 minute, sometimes 5. Wish it could be his turn every night. I wonder if my turns are actually hindering progress.

[arialvetica]

Yes I took the quiz. I have an angel baby, aside from this crib crying. Seriously she aces the quiz. But the quiz doesn't have a question that matches what I'm describing.

[arialvetica]

Also...this is just night wakings. For naps she's an ang baby as well. I think she's legitimately hungry but I want to train her tummy to go all night. I believe she can do it but if I nurse during the night wakings, her tummy expects those meals a few minutes earlier every night until we are nursing every 30 minutes. I can't survive like that, especially not with my 3 year old who doesn't nap anymore.

[Martini~]

Honey - do you expect her going 12h at night without NW? Mine did it, but still I think it's rather an exception especially when BF!
Really it's difficult to train "their tummy" if she is not ready for that. What is her routine during day?  How much does she take? Is she taking any solids already?

Could you plaese let us know what is her routine for day and NW?

[newkidontheblock]

Oh, no no, honey. What Marta said ^^^ If you find that she is not settling unless she feeds, then please please feed her. She clearly needs it. It is very normal for babies to need 1 or even 2 feeds at that age. How about asking DH to offer her a bottle of expressed milk instead?

[becj86]

If she is legitimately hungry, she's not going to go back to sleep. Think about if you go to sleep hungry - it's not easy, right? It's even harder if you're a baby because you have no capacity to justify it, no concept of time - that you'll eat soon, all you know is you're hungry and you're communicating the best you can and you're not being provided what you need.

If she's sleeping til 5am, that's really pretty good for a baby her age.

Hugs xx the exhaustion is terrible but you will get more sleep if you feed her when she's genuinely hungry than if you try to hold out.