Meltdown at bedtime and with night wakings - 1 year old

[MummyInRio]

Hi!  I need help with my little one and I am starting to run out of ideas.  He is two weeks away from his 1st birthday and I can count the number of times he has slept through on my fingers, although it has been much better lately and averages at 2 times.  I have two problems:
i) putting him down to sleep a battle.  Unfortunately I work and don't get back home until 6.15pm but then we have a strict bedtime routine, walk around the house, put on music, bath, pj's, breastfeed, sleeping bag then bed by 7-7.15.   Quite often by the time I get to pj's he is clawing at my top and going into meltdown.  He then either falls asleep on my breast and barely stirs as I put him into the sleeping bag (even when I am trying to get him to bed awake) or he goes into hyperactive mode and there is no way I can get him into bed without holding him and juggling until he is nodding off.  I then get him into his cot when he is still just about awake and he will fall asleep quickly.    The concept of being able to put him into his cot awake and him drifting off feels a million miles away.  If he is not completely calm when I put him into bed he will be up on his feet, jumping on the mattress within seconds.  Books are his favourite thing so bedtime stories don't calm him down.    I have tried PU/PD for weeks but it never got to the stage of him learning to put himself to sleep on his own and now it just results in a tantrum.  He still suffers from mild jolts as he is nodding off....he used to have a very strong moro reflex. 
ii) wake-ups in the night can trigger a full-scale meltdown within less than a minute.  There is no way of soothing him in his cot (our normal method) but when he is picked up he bucks and writhes and screams and screams.  Most of the time I need to bounce and jiggle him for up to 45minutes to sooth him.  My husband can sooth him quickly by hugging him tightly but I struggle to get my arms around him and his 12kilos!   

He has been teething recently and this could still be the problem although during the day he is pretty happy.  He has never been ill either....touch wood.  He has one nap at 9.30 for approx. 20-30minutes and a second nap at approx. 1pm for 1hr15-1hr 30mins.  He was sleeping for up to 2hrs at midday but this was causing him to wake in the middle of the night. 
Any help or ideas would be much appreciated! 
Thank you in advance,
Sarah

[cath~]

Hi there

What time is he getting up in the morning?  Your routine doesn't look bad TBH but he could be a little OT at BT.  Have you tried pushing that 2nd nap a bit later to see if it lengthens?  Or at least it would be a shorter A time until BT which might help if he's OT. 

Have you tried medicating in the evening to see if that helps BT and the troubles are caused by teeth?  Do you medicate at NWs?  It does sound like a lot could be teething-related TBH..

What would you say his temperament is?  Eg. is he spirited/touchy??

How was he settling/being settled at BT before these troubles started?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get the whole picture.

[MummyInRio]

Hi! Thanks so much for your reply.

His wake up is variable....today it was 5am but normally it is 5.45-6.15.  We try to keep him in his cot as long as possible but he is normally up on his feet shouting or crying for attention so it is not like we can leave him 'chatting to himself'. 

As you might have guessed, he is a spirited baby....he never stops moving or being active in some way.....which is amazing.....except for the sleep part

I do think he is overtired by bedtime and I would love to wind him down earlier but struggle to leave the office any earlier.  At weekends I push his 2nd nap back but it doesn't help the bedtime meltdowns unfortunately.....if anything, he has even more energy!

We aren't medicating for teeth.  I have tried teething granules (natural) but haven't noticed a difference.  We are trying to avoid meds in general....I would be happy to use some paracetamol but I am never 100per cent sure whether it is teething or not.....

Thanks for your help!

[cath~]

Hi,

sorry for coming back to you so late.

Spirited babies can be really tricky (I know from experience ) as it's so hard to tell if they're UT, OT or just excited!

Lots of what you said suggests OT but then this:

At weekends I push his 2nd nap back but it doesn't help the bedtime meltdowns unfortunately.....if anything, he has even more energy!

sounds like maybe UT...

If his WUs are gradually getting earlier too (are they?  or was the other day a one off?), then that does suggest he might be ready for moving more towards 1 nap.  You could try capping the am nap a bit more (e.g. to 20 mins), keeping the pm nap at the same time.  You might find he takes a longer pm nap that way too.  Has he been on his current nap routine for a while?

I'd also try something else to help him winddown and relax at BT.  Have you tried any essential oils and/or baby massage?  I know some ppl who say that a good back rub helps their LO relax at BT.  Lavender, for example, is a nice relaxing scent too, but there are also others.  Do you use any white noise?  That can help spirited babies relax too.  Is his room really dark at BT?

We are trying to avoid meds in general....I would be happy to use some paracetamol but I am never 100per cent sure whether it is teething or not.....

Maybe give it a go one evening and see if you notice any difference?  That way at least you can rule it out if you don't see a difference.  Totally up to you though.

It might be a case of trying a few different things and seeing what helps.

I think there's also a Wonder Week around about birthday time isn't there?  WWs always meant my LOs had more trouble settling, esp my more spirited DD1.