Hi there and welcome to BW forums
Sorry to hear you're having such rough nights, you must be exhausted! Not sure if this helps you feel better, but you're probably right in the middle of the 4mo sleep regression
it's a tricky time for most of us, and unlike the other SRs you'll go through with your DS, this one is where his sleep changes radically from what it used to be. I don't pretend to understand all the science but one of the classic effects of this is that LOs often find they need whatever circumstances they had at the beginning of their sleep to be recreated whenever they stir, or transition between sleep cycles (which is a partial awakening that adults also experience but don't usually remember, we just turn over and go back to sleep) - so in his case it may well be that if he falls asleep with a dummy at BT, he needs to have that dummy back again in order to transition between sleep cycles during the night. Do you feel this could be happening? There are two main approaches to dealing with this - one would be to continue doing what you're doing, reinserting the dummy when needed, and in the meantime trying to teach him to reinsert it himself, although he's probably still a bit young for that. The other would be to wean from the dummy, using shh pat and/or PUPD. Are you familiar with these methods from the BW books? There are good reasons for keeping a dummy so please don't feel I'm pushing you towards weaning it, it's probably something you'll want to discuss with your DH anyway.
In any case it may be that we'll be able to see an improvement in night sleep without having to wean the dummy, so we could start by looking at your routine and seeing if there are any tweaks that could be made...
Can I ask how many feeds he's having at night now? I couldn't work out whether it was just the dream feed or more? Do you always get him up at 7am no matter when he wakes? Or was it just that particular day?
I always moved BT depending on naps, sometimes not just on the last nap but also considering the day as a whole. Other parents prefer to keep BT fixed - I just knew if I pushed too hard after short naps then we'd end up with OT, so I always did as you do and move it about, but I liked to keep the 'WU' time consistent, even if that meant waking a sleeping baby or letting a happy, awake baby chatter to his/herself until it's time to get up.
Looking at your routine I think you've both done really well with those first two naps
You'll want to push out that first one at some point, but I know mine both preferred shorter first A times so I'll happily believe that yours does too
Your comment about cues being unreliable is actually pretty common by this age, most of us find that A times are a better guide by now.
I did wonder why the third A time was only 1h25mins, does he seem especially tired by that time? I'd actually be thinking about stretching that one longer in hope of getting a longer third nap. Some LOs at this age manage 2x 2h naps plus a CN, but if yours are more like 1.5h then you may well still need three decent length naps to get to BT without getting OT.
You're probably right about him thinking the fourth nap was his night's sleep - which is likely why he had to be woken and then struggled going down again. That night was then quite short overall, with the EW - that suggests OT to me. Can I suggest that if the third nap is short, you either try EBT (ie BT 11-11.5h after morning WU, or the time you got him up in the morning) or go for a really short CN, say between 10-30mins, and then pretty much straight into BT routine after that - well, depending on how long your BT routine takes - you could aim for sleep around 1h after a 10min nap or 1.5h after a 30min nap, for example - you'll find what your LO needs, they're all a bit different as you know
On a different note, are you able to work out ways of sharing the load with DH? Could he take on a night over the weekend for example, or help you have a lie in or early bedtime yourself? It's so hard functioning on little sleep, I'm terrible at it
so I get what you're saying about it affecting your relationships (((hugs))) Remember, this phase is hard but it will pass, and in the meantime please try and be kind to yourself and get any rest you can - perhaps a nap during the day if you can?
