Teaching Newborn to Sleep

[mmoats12]

Hi there

My LO is just two weeks old and we have started working on sleep right from the beginning. With my son we didn't discover baby whisperer until he was older and it worked eventually but was really hard.

As most newborns do, my LO just wants to sleep on me all the time. bedtime has been rough right from the beginning. Some nights it takes 2-3 hours of shh-pat to get her down. She seems like she is asleep, I wait the full 20 mins with my hands on her until her breathing slows into that deep sleep. And then I wait another few with hands off to make sure she is really asleep. But then 10-20 minutes later she wakes up crying. After hours of this, she gets overtired and hungry, so I feed her and we start all over again.

So my question is, is this normal for such a young baby? Has anyone out there started this young before? Should I wait until she's a bit older? I thought starting early would help us get to independent sleep sooner but it's been really painful and stressful on all of us and half the time wakes my son up too! 😡

I guess I'm just not sure what my expectations should be this early on?

Thanks for any help or reassurance! 😄

Here is my routine...it's a bit early to have really established much or a routine but the last three days have shown improvement.

8ish wake up, feed
9ish nap
10-10:30 wake up, feed
11:30 nap
12:30 wake up, feed
1:30 nap
4ish wake up, feed
5 nap
6ish feed
6:30-6:45 start bedtime routine, bath, book, Jammie's
7:00 feed
7:15-7:45 bed (once she has been asleep by 8, usually not till 9:30-10

[Katet]

If I'm reading it correctly you are feeding at 8, then 10/10.30, 12.30, 4 ish & 6ish & then cluster 7pom, then 9.30/10. & I assume some night time feeds

IMHO for a 2 week old if you are BF then it's not unreasonable to expect 12 feeds in 24hours & you are getting 2+ hours & a 3.5hour stretch from 12.30-4ish, so I'd say you are doing really well.

Newborns pretty much feed, nappy change & 5mins awake time, so it does look like you are having longer period of A time than that so maybe she's getting over tired & so short sleeps, but if you are BF it could well just be that's how long she needs between feeds & at 2 weeks old that's pretty normal. I don't know much about formula feeding, but I think it might be on the shorter side for how long they can last.

I have 3 friends who've all had their 4th baby (all are in their 40's with their eldest in their teens) & all of them have pretty much said they are finding because they are just "going with the flow" for the first few months, their babies are actually easier than the 3 previous ones. I do understand (from a BTDT) that having another child makes it hard, but really 2 weeks is so very young & independent sleep isn't going to happen this quickly.

[Shiv52]

Honestly Id wait until she is older. Spending 2/3 hours getting her to bed is too stressful for everyone. I'd try and relax and snuggle her. My DD3 did nothing but sleep in our arms for weeks and then I worked on one independent nap. She's 3.5 months now and is pretty good most times getting herself to sleep.  If she's OT she needs a bit of extra help but we're getting there.

Enjoy those newborn snuggles xxx

[creations]

Hi, I didn't discover BW until DS was 4wks old and I began right away with EASY but I'd pretty much been trying for gentle encouragement of independent sleep since day 1.  It's absolutely natural for a NB to want to be on you, even though I was gently trying I also went with the flow and had him sleep in arms or on our lap for naps and the early part of the night.  We did things like putting a blanket or pillow next to us on the sofa so we could watch TV and baby could sleep with our hands on him right next to us so that for a few sleeps he did not have the rhythmic breathing movement of being on a parent and was learning to sleep on a motionless surface but he still felt us right there with him.  A few times I set him on a blanket on the floor and gently had my toes on his swaddle.  I remember DP being more likely to keep DS on his lap but he would remove his hands so that there was not a constant 'hold' but could put a hand back on if needed.  Gradually I was able to put him on a flat mattress in a travel cot in the family room for naps and the first part of night sleep - but that doesn't mean every sleep was successful that way, it was a very gradual process.
We certainly experienced the "witching hour" (more like 3hrs!!) when he just wouldn't settle in the evening no matter how much holding, walking, rocking and patting we did.  Can't say I really enjoyed that part but just put up with it, it wasn't lack of holding because he screamed even in our arms.
by around 8 wks he was falling to sleep independently after the WD.  At 10 wks more struggles as he refused to sleep in the family room in that travel cot and I had to start him napping up in the bedroom where he was happy.
We also had undiagnosed silent reflux going on and had some big struggles with that and with the 4 month sleep regression when he started short napping even though he was an independent sleeper.  He didn't get meds for the reflux until about 5 months.  What I'm saying is, the whole thing was slow, gentle, and although he was self settling and had learned to sleep alone there were still lots of times he needed additional help.

I would suggest changing your approach if it is too stressful, it's hard enough looking after a NB without putting extra pressure on yourself.  Maybe do some naps in arms as pps have said, or try some of the close but a little bit hands-off methods I found helpful (but obviously never ever leave her on the sofa if you need to stand up or leave the room! We only had DS on the sofa if we were staying right there, if I needed to get up I moved him to the floor or travel cot and just risked him waking).

[mmoats12]

Ok thanks everyone! This has been helpful! I've been just going with the flow during the day with naps because I have to with a toddler running around. But I thought maybe starting with bedtime early would help with independent sleep sooner. While I'm still going to keep the routine of bedtime we have going I think lowering the expectations will help and just doing what I have to at this point. I just wasn't sure if anyone had actually been able to use these techniques at such a young age.

[creations]

I don't think it's so much a case of being or not being able to use the techniques at such a young age or that if you start early it is quicker at all. I think it's more to do with accepting that the methods are gradual and it takes a lot of time and effort (at any age).  Tracy did say EASY wasn't "easy".  I really do think things are different when you have another child to care for too and it's a compromise between what each individual in the family needs.

Good luck

[Katet]

Yes I agree with the PP it's more about parents getting their head around the fact that babies aren't born knowing how to sleep & they need help to learn the skill & like all the other skills they learn (talking, walking, reading, writing as they get older) that there is no set time line, some children can be read books to loads for years & still find it hard to learn to read, others can learn really quickly because they were read to loads or even if they were hardly read to at all... there is no sure fire pattern that works for all children, it's more loads of trial & error.

[LittleSplasherMum]

Just wanted to chime in as I have a toddler and a newborn too and we started EASY from day one with DS2. We too focused on bt more than naps and although it's been patchy he has been able to fall asleep independently quite early on. I think we are lucky he likes his bath just like DS1 always did and has helped them both at bt from a young age. Now at 9 weeks finally we get all naps in the crib as well (if at home obviously) and things are so much easier. So, I personally think it's totally worth the effort and like all the ladies advised on this forum, maybe just focus on one or two naps a day. That's what we did. Good luck and well done! x

ETA: when we were struggling with bt, instead of keeping going up and down to settle him we decided to just bring him downstairs and take it in turns to hold him until the next feed. This way he got some sleep and we didn't go mad!

[mmoats12]

Thanks Little Splasher! It's nice to know that someone else is starting this early too! Thing have been a bit hit and miss but we have had some success getting her to bed some nights without too much of a fuss!! So there is progress and I can see the benefit of starting early! Haven't started tackling naps yet! But I'm hoping that once bedtime is smooth, naps will be easier. My son had no problems with naps once he was able to fall asleep on his own at bedtime.

Happy sleeping everyone!!

[needasleepingangel]

I also have a toddler DS and a 9-week old DD. We started EASY when DD was 13 days old. To follow the EASY routine is not too hard, but the shh-pat is very hard. We didn't successfully use this method to help her sleep until very recently at BT. But we never actually spent 2 hours doing that. It was too stressful for me to listen to her crying a long time. For the naps we just hold her or use baby carrier.

Now she is able to sleep almost independently at BT. We put her down very drowsy and do shh-pat until she is in deep sleep. And she is able to self-sooth when DS was laughing or talking very loudly in the next room and also between her sleep cycles. But the naps are still very hard. Obviously, every baby is different. As littlesplashermum's DS2 is able to sleep independently at all naps at 9-week old, my similar age DD can not. (I wonder when I would have that  )

But even if DD sleeps almost independently at BT, things are not always smooth. I do notice sometime during her 6th week and 8th week, there were 2-3 nights that we spend 3 or 4 hours settling her. She just kept waking up once we put her back to crib.

I totally understand how much you want your LO to sleep independently. But as a 2-week old, I think it is still very young to be able to sleep independently and she needs a lot of cuddling time. Hope things will be better for you (and for me) very soon!