1yr old never had a routine-is it too late?

[rachaelcole]

Hi-I used to be a seasoned BWer with my first, but when my son was born with severe food allergies through breastmilk we spent a very long 8 months controlling things. He never had s routine as he was so poorly-we just got by. He couldn't sleep in long stretches as he was always in pain etc.

Now he is 13 months & clear of all health issues...still no routine to speak of, a terrible sleeper, nap fighter & very early riser (4.45am).

He is breastfed on demand (2-4 times per day & averaging img 2-3 mini feeds at night). He eats a good varied diet & his meals tend to sit at 6.30/7am breakfast, 9.30/10am snack 11.45ish/12 lunch, 2.30ish snack, 5pm tea & bed 7-7.30pm.

Rough day looks like this:

Wu 4.45/5am
BF upon waking
Breakfast 06.30/7
Nap 8/8.30am (BF if me rocked if Hubby in arms 45mins; sometime up to 1.5hrs. Wakes if set down)
Snack 9.30/10am
Might BF in this time
Lunch 11.45/12pm
Nap 12.30/1ish (as above 45 mins)
Snack 2.30pm ish
Might BF in this time
Tea 5pm
Bath 6pm
BF & to bed by 7pm usually (set down in his own bed at start of each night. ℅-sleeps after waking in night so I can get some sleep!)
Usually wakes anywhere between 10.30pm-midnight & then a few times after, always needing boob back to sleep.
Wakes 4.45/5am ish

The refit of having an older baby is I know why he responds to & what he doesn't. Sssh pat makes him angry, as does any form of pick up put down. He isn't the kind of baby who will give in & he just continues to get more & more angry.

Is there any hope or should I just roll with it now??

Thanks 😊

[~*Nicole*~]

I don't think it's too late! It's been a tough road and survival us the best way to get through that. So happy you've made it to the other side. I think it might be tough going at first but there's hope.

I guess my first thoughts are whether you'd want to tackle everything at once or go slowly and do one thing at a time. And if one thing at a time, whether the getting to  sleep independently or creating a more typical routine. I'm thinking that the early waking and shorter naps need to be worked out which might help those NWs but the naps and early waking won't improve much if you don't get the independent sleep worked out because every sleep cycle change probably he looks for nursing or rocking and had to almost start all over? What do you think?

[Lindsay27]

I am going to move this over to Sleeping for Toddlers as your LO is over 1yr . I agree with pp though and once that naps are worked out the nights might follow.  The first thing I would do is push that first nap out as much as possible, a 3hr A time is more appropriate for a 5/6 month old so that early nap is perpetuating that EW.  There will be lots of OT and it will be a struggle to push it because she's likely using that nap as an extension of night sleep, but do whatever you can to move it as late in the morning as possible and after a few days that EW should move. 

[rachaelcole]

Thank you for your replies 😊 I didn't even think to post in sleep for toddlers...I still see him as a 3 month old 🙈🙈🙈

I have no idea what to tackle first to be honest. I know his A time *should* be longer but the sever over tiredness has just got us in to this cycle I think! I wonder if I should just push out the A time straight away rather than incremental increase? Harsher but we would be doing small increments for such a long time to catch up!!

I have no idea how to break the feed/rocking to sleep association. It is so ingrained. As I say pick up put down is not something that works for him-he just gets so angry to the point of sweating & is clearly distressed.

My 2.5yr old is waking early too so I'm wondering if it's time to drop her nap completely (only has 45min-1hr after lunch)

Thanks 😊

[Lindsay27]

Yes I would do a big A time push all at once, it will be a rough few days with OT, so be prepared for that, but literally do whatever you can to keep her awake as long as possible in the morning. 

I also rocked my DS to sleep and PU/PD was too stimulating for him, what I essentially did was rock him until he was drowsy and then put him down and hold my hand on him until he was asleep, and eventually rocked less and less.  Lots of crying don't get me wrong, but it only took a week or 2 of being super consistent with it.

[~*Nicole*~]

You can try a gradual withdrawal plan. Rock until sleepy then lie down, if he wakes pick up and repeat. Maybe rocking for less and less time and eventually switching to maybe singing and rubbing his back rather than picking him up and work towards leaving the room?? I was never any good at gradual withdrawal though. I have done walk in and walk out but he may get just add upset as PU/PD . Does he have a lovey? You might work in a blanket or stuffed animal type of transition item to help. You could rub it on his cheek as he gets sleepy to try to"teach" him a soothing to sleep trick until he figures out his own?

I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I think your naps will get later and later as you work on him sleeping independently. Him resisting will naturally cause him to fall asleep later than usual. You can also try wake to sleep before his usual early wake up time. Might help get over the hump of that really time which makes your nap so early as he's super tired. Then as he learns to get back to sleep without help his naps should lengthen.

As for your DD, dropping the nap happens at so many ages but I have heard of many LOs that resist around her age and then go back to napping. My DD1 dropped hers around that age but DS still napped at daycare at 5 years old. You can start a separate thread about that. 😃