13 week old either overtired or undertired naps. Can't find golden time

[malibu_nikkus]

I'm struggling to find the golden time. He has slept longer than an hour a few times, otherwise no matter how much wake time he has, he goes to sleep independently with paci and fairly quickly, but will wake at 30mins every time. I put paci back in, his little eyes roll like he is going to sleep but then he can't. I pat and try and help him but I simply can't get him back to sleep.  It's driving me mad. He will resettle for another 30mins if I feed or hold him. Ah, what to do?

[lolsyb1982]

Hi there

It's a frustrating age isn't it! What A times have you tried? It is very common for babies to be unable to transition between sleep cycles at this age so it could well be that but also 30mins often means OT.

[malibu_nikkus]

I've tried all sorts of wake times. 1.20-1.30, then 1.45. He tends to grizzle around 1.30mins.

[lolsyb1982]

He could possibly be a bit OT. The average A time is more like 1.20 Average A times- BOOKMARK ME! . I would try putting him down after 1.15 and see how it goes.
What do you think?

[malibu_nikkus]

I'm still going CRAZY. I honestly can't do this anymore, it's not sustainable.  He's 13 weeks now. Even being put down earlier, it took over 40mins to get him to sleep resulting in an overtired 10min nap, I quit! It's not sustainable with a 2yr old. She's mad because mummy has to stay SOOOO long to help baby settle, and then 10-30mins later, I'm back in trying to resettle. She's angry, I'm done. I don't know what else to do.  I use white noise, paci, patting, NOTHING works.  Put to sleep feeding, rocking, swing, rock n play, anything, and he wakes after 30mins. He sleeps longer in a carrier or snuggling with us.  What have I done wrong? I've trained 4 babies to self settle and by now, when well rested, I could lay them in the cot with a hand on them if necessary and they'd drop off yo sleep (shh n pat was still needed at times). I had reflux babies, spirited babies etc, so it's not like they were easy babies.  This guy is very congested and has been for 8 weeks.  No change in diet, saline, natural reflux remedies, humidifiers etc help. I'm done. I don't know what to do.  I'm nervous to give more naps in carrier or arms in fear it will become a crappy habit.  Sleeping in my arms is not feasible with a toddler. PLEASE HELP!!

[malibu_nikkus]

Before 8 weeks, I could put him down awake after following his tired signs, and he'd drop off to sleep. Where have I gone wrong?

[sophsk22]

I'm having similar issues with my ten week old dd and I also have a two year old ds so I can relate! Honestly, I think you have to do what keeps you all sane. Can you get them to sleep longer in a carrier or a buggy? If so then I would just go with that for at least one nap a day so you can spend some quality time with your toddler. The baby will get better with naps at some point I'm sure. I'm trusting that time will help improve things and in my opinion your sanity is more important than where they sleep just now. Hugs. X

[lolsyb1982]

Oh sorry to hear you're having a tough time still.

Thanks sophsk22 for offering advice, it's great to see new mums to BW helping out 

I would also agree when you have an older one you can't dedicate so much time to settling and resettling and would also say try for one nap in the cot and then if you get better sleep in a carrier or buggy then use them for now.

It's a really rubbish time for naps at this age. If you want to post your EAS we can take another look for you.

Hang in there x

[malibu_nikkus]

Thanks. I did nothing different but fir the first time on Saturday in what feels like forever, he had longer naps.  He briefly stirred at about 30mins and resettled quickly (HE CAN DO IT!!).  He had a wake time of about 1.45 mostly that day.  Of course when I tried  to do that the following day, no go, 30mins...

He's such a happy baby so I'm finding it hard to read his tired signs too.

Basically, if I put him to bed around the recommend wake times , he will take forever to fall asleep and fall asleep around the 2hr wake time mark.  If I put him to bed closer to 1.45 or just before, he will again, fall asleep at 2hr mark.

I find even gathering info for his EASY to give you, rather challenging. I'll try though

7.30 - wake
8am - feed
9am - bed, asleep by 9.30
10am wake - try to resettle, usually can't.  He just ends up smiling at me.
11am ish - feed
11.30 - bed (still no tired signs.  Happily smiling at me even when I put him down)
12.30 - wake
2pm - feed, possibly fall asleep feeding
Sleep 30mins - wake about 2.45
Sometimes feed back to sleep to buy him more nap time.
3.30 wake
5pm - bed. Needs heaps of help to go to sleep.
6pm wake
6pm - feed
7pm top up. Bed
Wakes every 30mins till about 8.30.
12am feed
Then wakes about every 2hrs from then on. I'm TIRED! When it's not feed time. I will usually put paci in and pat to sleep.

[malibu_nikkus]

I actually wonder if he is a low sleep needs baby (like a few of his siblings), and has started waking more at night recently because he needs less naps ( 3 instead of 4). But I can't do that until he naps longer. Just a thought

[lolsyb1982]

He could be, it's hard to say. Usually 30 min naps mean OT but could be he needs more A if he's waking happy. Naps were very much like this with my dd2 unless she was in the sling and only improved when she was closer to 6 months.

Maybe stick to 1hr 45 for a few days to see what happens. You'll need to give it at least 3 days before changing again.

[malibu_nikkus]

Ahh. The problem now is he is refusing to put himself to sleep.  I never rocked etc. I was sick for a few days so he was rocked till drowsy, and then put down.  Now when he is put bed, regardless of wake time, he hangs out, goos, and then gets himself into an overtired screaming show down.  I try patting him and he just loses it. I try picking him up and settle and then continue patting in cot, SCREAMS.  He then ends  up screaming for about one hour, finally going to sleep at 2.5-3hr wake time. It's disaster! If I pick him up, he goes to sleep quickly in my arms. What is going on? I'm now spending an hour getting him to sleep for his crappy 30min naps. I'm getting really frustrated and angry!!

[malibu_nikkus]

I give him white noise and paci. I've tried just standing next to the crib, but he just stares and doesn't go to sleep. I've tried putting my hand on his chest and he loses it.

[lolsyb1982]

If this is out of the blue he could be in a developmental leap. Do you follow wonder weeks?
What A time are you trying for now?