The extra information is really helpful, thank you.
He is still really young, so keep expectations low, but yes I can see there are issues there making it very hard for you.
The long sleep of 5hrs in the late afternoon needs to stop really. A 5 hr stretch is classed as "sleeping through the night" if it comes at night time...so that is what you need to happen. He has to sleep this long stretch at night not in the day. There can be some day.night confusion with some LOs. The way to switch this back around is with a solid routine and using light and darkness, plus helping him sleep and keeping him awake at the suitable times.
Here's the plan:
Jot down the plan and then keep a record of your real EAS times as they happen throughout the day (and night too) it doesn't need to be neat it just needs to be as accurate as you can make it as this will help us to support you the best we can. Write you EASY like this:
WU 6am
E 6.15am
A 1hr 15
S 7.15 - 8.15
E 9am
A 1hr 15
S 9.30 - 11.00
etc. write the real times, not the times you hoped for.
Starting with the morning WU (wake up time) if that is 6am or any other time you will keep him awake for 1hr 15 mins, in that time you need to feed and burp, change nappy, entertain for a few mins and then begin your WD (wind down). WD can take 20 mins from start to sleep so you need to allow for this. If you already know he falls asleep quicker than this then allow less time, if he usually takes the full 20 mins you need to start it 55 mins after he woke up so that by the time he is asleep it is as close to 1hr 15 as possible.
You try to put him to sleep for the normal WD time of 20 mins and then continue for up to 45 mins of his nap time whether he is asleep or not, dark room, shush/pat, you are telling him it is sleep time whether he wants to sleep or not. It sounds like you are managing to get him to sleep and are able to put him down drowsy and continue to pat in the cot so continue with this.
If he naps let him nap for no longer than 2hrs. If E time is coming up because it took extra time to get him to sleep then wake him at say 1.5hrs instead. This might mean his E is a bit over the 3hrs, if he is very hungry he will wake for the feed, if he is not then he will sleep a bit longer and you will feed on waking.
Jot down the time he wakes from this nap and work out when the next nap time is, 1hr 15 from waking.
Continue throughout the day.
When he falls to sleep for his long late afternoon sleep you need to wake him after no longer than 2hrs. This is important to switch his day and night the right way. He might be unhappy about it but you will wake him, feed, bring him into a light room, keep him awake for 1hr 15 and put him back to sleep.
For all nap times (the times you say it is nap time) you need the room to be dark, calm, quiet, with you shush/patting.
For all A times (activity) you need the room to be light, as much natural sun as possible (go out if you can even if it is just outside by your front/back door) and keep him awake.
Throughout the day feed at 3hr intervals. These should fit with naps but if not then don't worry about it. It is not vital to feed on waking but rather to avoid feeding to sleep, if he accidentally falls to sleep on a feed wake him and keep him awake for as long as possible to reach the A time before putting him down for nap.
At BT (bed time, meaning bed for the night sleep not a nap) you will do the same routine of 1hr 15 A since the last nap but feed directly before you begin your WD, at this age it feels like a split feed as it won't be that long since he last ate after his nap, that's okay, it doesn't need to be 3hrs since the last E for the BT milk.
After BT either do a DF (dream feed) 3hrs after BT (somewhere between 10-11pm) or feed at the first NW. It's your choice.
If you can keep this routine consistently then after around 3-5 days your LO should be doing that long sleep of 5hrs either from BT (say 7 or 8pm) to 12 midnight (in which case get yourself to bed as soon as he is asleep and make the most of those 5hrs - get yourself rested!) OR if the DF or NW is around 10.30 the long sleep will happen after this so from approx 11 - 4am. Either way you can expect the 3hrly E to continue after that one long stretch, the difference at night is you keep the room dimly lit, low key, calm, little interaction, no activity time, just feed, change nappy if needed and straight back to bed. Refluxers often can go back to sleep right after a feed at night so if you are usually holding him upright for 25 mins after a feed you might not need to through the night (for DF and NF).
This might seem like very hard work for you for several days but I believe it will be worth it to get yourself a better night.
If you have any more questions please do ask. Otherwise, if you start the routine let us know how you are getting on.
Here to hold your hand if you need it.
