Independently falling asleep - what does it exactly mean?:)

[Natalia Rus]

hello!

just want to clarify...

when we are talking about babies who can fall asleep independently - what do we exactly mean they do? (when they are 5+ mo so they can crawl/sit/stand/walk)

they sit in a crib, crawl around, stand-sit down, bla-bla, sometimes mantra cry or calls for parent and then just lay down and fall asleep?

and what time does it take with your children to fall asleep such way?

are you/anyone sitting in the room while the baby is trying to fall asleep?

[creations]

they sit in a crib, crawl around, stand-sit down, bla-bla, sometimes mantra cry or calls for parent and then just lay down and fall asleep?

Yes.
Although I knew if mine was sitting up or standing up (he couldn't stand at 5 months though so I mean older) then it meant there would also be call-backs, him either shouting for me or crying which both require a response.  These would be times when there was something disturbing him, teething, illness, developmental leaps or if our routine needed a tweak and he was perhaps UT or OT due to the routine being in a transitional state.  All of these things would require some additional help at BT despite him being an independent sleeper since about 8-10 wks.
When he was up and walking we had some long BTs with him running up and down the cot.
Independent doesn't mean never ever needing any help ever again. It does mean that when the routine is settled and appropriate, when there is not too much pain from illness/teething then the normal way of things is to put LO in the cot say goodnight and leave the room.

and what time does it take with your children to fall asleep such way?

We had a wind down of just a few mins. Upstairs to bathroom, change nappy, into bedroom (already dark), one song (or half a song if he cued that he wanted down faster), put into cot, say "have a nice sleep, call if you need me" and leave the room.  He didn't like to fall to sleep with me in the room but he would nod off within either a few seconds or 2-3 mins once I'd left the room.  He used a muslin square as a lovey from around 6 months and would rub this on his face and play with it in his hands.  If he mantra cried fro longer than 5 mins I knew something was wrong and he would need additional help.  Although it is quite normal for a LO to take 20 mins to fall to sleep so a mantra for 20 is fine.

are you/anyone sitting in the room while the baby is trying to fall asleep?

Only during those tricky periods mentioned above.

[Natalia Rus]

thank you for your reply!

my daughter fell asleep independently till about 5mo, then something went wrong (i think there were several reasons but can't remember now) and i had to hold her while she was lying in a bed to make her sleep - i held her hands otherwise she wove them and couldn't calm herself... then she began crawling, then teething, then standing - and all these level-ups interfered with her ability to set herself to sleep.

last couple of weeks i practice PU/PD and have some results (if she's not teething): i set her in her bed, turn off the light and sit in a room not near her. i have to PU/PD her few times till she calms and then crawl a little/sit/play with her toy and then lay down and fall asleep. or i give her a dummy and cover with blanket and then she sleeps...

but i have to sit in the room. if she sees that i go away, she starts crying...

[creations]

Is it just for her night sleep you have this difficulty?

You could try telling her you are just going to the toilet but will return.  And DO return. It gives her some practise of being without you but also knowing you are coming back and then she sees you kept your word and returned. It can help sometimes to do this or to play peel-a-boo in the day time.
If she is not crying when you are in the room really you need to leave even if she cries and you return - either leave or plan yourself a gradual withdrawal where you are one step closer to the door each night for 7 nights and then out the room. Verbal reassurance, return to the cot if needed to pat for a moment or however long but as soon as she calms you go back to your spot, you don't stay right by the cot.

[Natalia Rus]

thank you.

I plan to try this method as now she seems to almost get used to calm herself while i'm sitting in the room, but not near her bed. but if i try to leave and she sees this, she cries... but i'll try anyway:) despite the fact that i'm very sorry about her staying alone in the dark room:)))

[creations]

Another thing you can think about.
I believe it helps if you tell LO where you are rather than trying to sneak out of the room just be totally open about it.  You can say "I'm going now so you can sleep properly, call if you need me" and leave the room.  This way she does not feel deceived or unsure about if you are staying or going.  As soon as she calls for you, you return, reassure her, sooth if needed.
You can do this in one go and leave the room or you can do it in stages by sitting further away as described in which case I would say "I'll  be over here, call if you need me" but do make sure you then stay in the room, don't sneak out, if you must leave for something do tell her first.  Confidence grows when LO knows what is happening, for example "I'm just going to tidy the bathroom, I'll be back" and then do go back either after some minutes if she is quiet or straight away if she is crying or calling for you.

Hope this helps

[Natalia Rus]

do you think they understand such difficult meanings at 8mo?

actually i always tell her that i'm going to the kitchen for ex and will be back. but doesn't seem that she understands:) also she has SA now i think which makes the situation a little be harder.

[creations]

I think they understand a huge amount, more than we can believe but also it sets good ground work for when they are older. Key phrases you begin now will be used over an over as the months and years go on, the words might not be 100% understood now but the tone is and the meaning becomes apparent.  Talking to LOs about all sorts of things they may or may not understand is great, it's how they learn anyway so it gradually goes in