19 week old help please

[sophsk22]

I've posted a couple of times about my ds, but I'm still really struggling. My last post was when she was 14 weeks and she just wouldn't settle, I was ending up feeding her to sleep, which she would only do once she'd got herself pretty worked up trying to get to sleep without it. Naps were also pretty hard to settle. I worked on shush pat and managed to get her to self settle for naps, which was a huge thing, but nighttimes then became worse. Where she would previously self settle really well at night and only wake a maximum of twice for feeds she suddenly wouldn't settle and has been waking every 90 minutes or so all night. I've tried not feeding her every time and she might go back off for an hour or so, and then wake again and I'll feed her. But despite doing that for a couple of weeks she was still waking just as frequently.

The last week or so and we're back to square one. I've no idea why. Suddenly she won't generally settle well for naps and won't settle at all at bedtime. She's waking every 90 minutes all night. I'm shattered. I've got a two year old ds too, so I can't realistically make my days all about trying to get her to sleep!

She always wakes 45 minutes after I eventually manage to get her to sleep at bedtime, for a little while she would go straight back off with a pacifier but that's not working at the moment either and it can take 40 mins to get her back down. I've started trying pu/pd today but she wasn't calming when I picked her up sometimes. As soon as the swaddle comes off and we leave the room she's happy though!

Our routine today was...

7.15 wake and eat
9.15 - 9.55 sleep
10.30 eat
11.45 -2pm (with ten minute wake up in the middle) Sleep (in the buggy, which is the only way I can get a long nap)
3.45 tried to settle for a sleep as she was starting to get pretty fussy but she basically screamed for 40 minutes. I tried feeding her so she wasn't hungry. Eventually took her back out in the buggy to try and avoid a massively overtired evening, took her ages to go off and got about 10 minutes at 4.50
7.35 sleep, eventually ended up feeding her to sleep as she just wouldn't settle after 40 minutes. She'll start to go off but wakes back up screaming again. For my sanity I needed to get her to sleep this evening (last night it took until 9pm to get her to sleep, which eventually was by feeding her to sleep.

I do a dream feed at 10 and she then wakes every two hours at the most all night. Yesterday the morning nap was the hard one, she just didn't go off and I was on my own with her and my ds so couldn't just commit to sitting with her for 40 minutes shushing or picking up putting down.

I've put the last month down to the four month sleep regression, but it's so frustrating that naps were so much better briefly and now it's like that couple of weeks never happened and we've gone even further backwards.

She's still swaddled, I've tried taking an arm out (for one nap a day) but she was taking longer to settle so don't think she's ready for that yet. She does have a pacifier for sleep time only, which sometimes works, sometimes she just seems cross that it's not a boob in her mouth :-). 

Help please! My husband's away this week (which is rare) so bedtime is a bit of a needs must affair with the two of them, but I'm on my own with my ds the next two days, during the day and want to really give some sleep training a focused effort to try and make some progress!

Thanks on advance...

[sophsk22]

I should also add that I had a stomach bug on Friday/Saturday which I think really affected my milk supply. So I did feed her more again overnight and during the day on Saturday Sunday to try and get it back up. I wonder if she might still be a little unsettled because of that so I'm inclined to feed her more frequently overnight tonight too. I know I'm probably creating more problems but do wonder if the lack of milk has been part of it the last couple of days at least.

[KBolton]

Big hugs! Keep hanging in there, I promise you will see the light.

As you know the real resolution is getting your LO self soothing. If shush pat isn't working, then at 19 weeks you can consider PU/PD.

As someone who has recently trained (still progressing nicely) my 19 week old, I'm going to write a few things which really helped me.

1) white noise, it is a form of prop but it gets her to relax (she is also very spirited so I was going light headed from sushing 😂)
2) wind down, before a big nap I have around 20mins minimum of quiet time, with no toys, some lullabys and some cuddle but also quiet kick time
3) there will be tears but the more consistent you are, the fewer tears they will be. My LO gets loudest just before she falls asleep. It's almost comical, she'll go from a ridiculously loud wail one second to sleeping the next (almost like one last big complaint and effort to get me to give in)
4) allow time for your LO to fall asleep. If you put them in the crib 5 minutes before they are due to sleep and they take 20minutes to sleep, your LO may be overtired and the whole process may be harder and impact the rest of the day. With your wind down, that's about 40 mins
5) at first I cheated a bit and focused on the two main sleeps, big afternoon one and night time. The other naps were in the sling (if the pram is working for you then I recommend that). That way you are removing feeding to sleep, it is no longer an option but your LO and you are not too tired. Once you have your confidence up after a few days, then do all 4 sleeps. If you want quicker results, then maybe go for all 4 straight away. It will be harder but results will be quicker!

I ended up hurting my back with PU/PD, so I went to see a sleep consultant. She recommended an approach called hands on. You wind baby down, do bed time routine, put on white noise and put her in crib. Once she's in the crib you don't pick her up for 20 minutes. You can sing, talk to, stroke, caress and pat (anything to comfort but not picking them up). If at 20mins your LO isn't asleep then pick her up and get them to sleep any way you can. It only took 8 minutes for my LO to sleep ( I was staggered, it was noisy but quick). The longest it has taken is 19 minutes. Now she blows raspberries to sleep and I get the occasional moan on complaint.

Good luck! Try and stay positive, I know how hard it can be.

[sophsk22]

Thanks so much for your reply, that's definitely encouraging, especially as you say about your lo getting louder before she goes off, mine often does too. She does very often in the buggy or car too. I do sometimes wonder if I'm going in too soon when she is grumbling, as I think she does sometimes get more worked up when I go in but don't get her up etc. I'll give the hands on approach a try I think. Thanks!