3.5 Fear issues

[MarciaMSPT]

Hello...

Our 3.5+ year old (will be 4 end of June) has struggled now for several months regarding sleeping in his own bed all through the night.  He often comes into our room to sleep (on a floor bed I have set up for him if he needs to sleep near us).  About every other night he will not even go to bed in his own room/bed because he says he will have a bad dream.    I want to provide felt safety and security if this fear (i.e. bad dreams) is legitimate.  But, even though he is rewarded for sleeping all night in his bed in his room, he still wants to be close.  This is fine (sort of).  It's getting old but I want to be the nurturing sensitive mother and provide what he needs in the area of safety.

Are there any thoughts or suggestions about this?  We don't have TV - he does not watch movies.  We will occasionally watch a National Geographic documentary on some animal and are quick to check it if it gets "scary."  My little guy says that his bad dreams or helicopter crashes, excavator crashes etc... it's always a crash of some sort...

Open to ideas, thoughts and suggestions.

Thank you in advance.

Marcia

[Haribo2012]

I think you are doing all the right things, reassurance and no scary stuff is great. I do think it is the age when things become more real and it just takes time to get past the being scared stage.

Does he have a night light?

My DS1 had a scared phase and we had to get a red night light, leave landing light on, leave door open and promise to check on him loads x

[We Three]

 This is where our "2 minute check" was born, and it continues to this day....and my dd is 10! 

 Go into bed, say goodnights, etc....and say "I'm going to brush my teeth and come back in 2 minutes".  Always return. In the beginning, return in just 60 seconds....as long as it's BEFORE the child gets upset and calls out.  In time, the child starts to know fully well that you WILL return, and they allow themselves to relax. In about 2 weeks time, my dd would roll over and say "see you in 2"....totally relaxed and ok.  We'd put on our pjs and return to her. Or switch over laundry and return.  Always leaving with "see you in 2".  In time, she was asleep by the 3rd check, feeling totally safe.

 These days, our "2" is more like 8 or 10....but she is able to just roll over and chill. 50% of the time, she is alseep at the check, and always at the second check. 

 HTH

[MarciaMSPT]

Love the 2 minute check AND the reassurance for ME that it just takes time... thanks all!

Hugs!

[We Three]

  We have also always done a very calm wind down....all 3 of us take turns telling our "favorite part of the day" then prayers, then kisses and I love yous.  This is all done when she is in bed, under the covers, one of us is on the floor sitting next to the bed, one of us is maybe on the bed, but lights are out and we are near. Nightlights always (dd has a string of Christmas lights on top of her armoire....just 25 little lights....makes a nice glow in her room.  We feel that by having lights out, talking quietly, ending the day on a positive note, and THEN leaving, it's more of an easing in to the separation.  I think for some kids, lights out at the same time you guys leave it too much at once.  HTH!

[Haribo2012]

We sometimes do stories by torch light (his request) but makes the dark fun.

[MarciaMSPT]

Sorry for my late reply - that is a great idea!  Thanks!

[Haribo2012]

Hope things have improved x