17.5 month old - BT refusal and wake up getting earlier

[SJS1471]

Hello,

My 17.5 month old (16.5 adjusted) has been on the following schedule for a little while:

WU: 7am
Nap: 12.30 for 1.5 - 2 hours
BT: 7pm

Lately, her nap started getting shorter or she would just sit up and talk or play so I started putting her down later as nursery would put her down about 12.45/1 and she would then go to sleep for about 1.20 or 1.5 hours. She would then do this at home too.

However, she is now taking a while to go to bed too and either cries unless I am in the room with her or just sits up and starts talking and so I do not know whether she would like to go to bed later than 7pm. I am hesitant to do this though because she is also waking up now between 5.45 and 6.15 for the day so I just wonder if OT is starting to creep in somewhere. Even with the early wake ups she will still go for a nap at 12.45/1 and not before. She has always been very routine driven in terms of timings and it's like she knows exactly what time nap and bedtime etc. is if that makes sense.

She is also doing brief cries in the night too but does not need us at all as by the time I get up she has stopped. It is literally seconds. She has 3 canines through and the 4th has now just cut the tip of it. I have tried teething powder at night but that hasn't made any difference.

I appreciate the clocks will go forward in a couple of weeks so I don't know whether to ride it out or if a routine tweak is needed. I am not sure if earlier wake ups can be undertired at all at bedtime?

Thank you

[Katet]

Sounds like she's on the cusp of 18 month sleep regression (adjusted age should be caught up by 6-12 mo, so no longer worth considering)
All the rings like early waking, taking longer to settle are pretty much developmental. So I think just try to give her as much help as she needs and roll with it.

[SJS1471]

So a month on and we are still having bedtime refusal although she doesn't cry at all and is just happy and chatting but has started chucking her bunny out the cot and going "uh oh" until we come and retrieve it to give it back to her. It's taking her about an hour to go to sleep and then she does sleep through but is waking earlier and earlier still so about 6 now. She has gone from about 12 hours overnight to 10 or 10.5.

Her routine now is:

WU: 6ish
Nap: 12.45/1 - 2.45/3pm
BT: we put her in her cot at 6.50ish to be asleep by 7pm but she isn't going to sleep until between 7.30pm and 8pm.

Sometimes she only naps for 1.5 hours and she still does the same thing at bedtime and wake up.

I don't know if this is still the 18 month regression or a routine change is needed.

Thank you

[Katet]

Given she's happy and cutting back at both ends of the night I'd say her sleep needs have dropped. Babies at the lower end of sleep needs can do around 12 hours total at 18months (my youngest did around 11.5hours total at that age.

Maybe try 7.30pm bedtime and see what happens.

[SJS1471]

Yes I think this is what I need to do but am a bit scared in case she still takes an hour to go to sleep and then goes at like 8.30 or 9 but I won't know until I try it. Would you cut her nap at all or leave it at 1.5 to 2 hours?

[SJS1471]

OK so we've tried. 7.30 BT for a few days now and she refuses to go to sleep until after 8 and is now waking between 4 and 5 so I guess we need to move this back and hope it's a regression and will pass?

[SJS1471]

I'm wondering if there is separation anxiety going on here as she keeps wanting me (I can't even go to the toilet in peace and she has to be touching me and sitting on my lap). I also have to keep my hand on her back to get her to sleep now. She just cries if I stand there.

[Katet]

18 months is pretty big for development and SA. They start to realise the world is a big place and it's scary so like to have people they trust around them.

Is she at daycare? If so have there been changes as that can often be an influence. Hard as it is iif it is SA the best thing you can do is do what she needs to know she can trust you to be there for her in the hard times as well as the easy times. Parenting really is one step forward one step back.

[SJS1471]

Yes she is in nursery 2 days a week and loves it and no big changes there for her. She won't be moving rooms until September time and has been there 7 months. I just don't want to create bad habits but I hope that once this is over she won't need me to to put her to sleep

[Katet]

Honestly I'd have to say the worst thing a parent can do is think spending time with a child when the child asks for it is a bad habit. They grow up so quickly and the more they can trust we are there when they need us the more emotionally intelligent they grow up to be. We wouldn't turn our back on our best friend who was having a rough time so why does society think being there when a toddler needs us is a bad habit. In part because the Toddler can't explain that Mummy going out while they were asleep and Daddy being the only one home made them a bit frightened (or some other little story like that).
Basically in a stressful situation we get X amount of cortisol pumping through their system, its exactly the same amount in a 60kg adult as a 10kg toddler, so it makes sense that a small stress will give a much bigger reaction.

I found with my two that over the years they did need a parent there to help quite simply because the world can be a big place to switch off from. I made my peace with that and now they are teens I find a silver lining in them being sick, because they do like to cuddle up. So my advice is rather than see it as a bad habit, see it as a great joy you'll miss.