This is from Twiceamama. She had a consultation with Tracy, which helped her enormously.
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Hello guys! I feel for both of you and I know first hand what it´s like to have to live through this and the exhuastion after getting only to catnap night after night!!!! BEEN THERE! DONE THAT!
First off: guilt serves no one! you made mistakes. Get over it and make a plan AND follow through!!
I had the blessing of still being able to speak to Tracy herself only 3 months before her sad passing(sad sad sad) Those hours we talked changed my family!
Have in mind that my dd was 21 months old.
You will need a kitchen timer or similar, the help of your hubby or someone else with patience and understanding of the whole scenario, Loads of optimism, persistence, resolution and most important: CONSISTENCY!
Ok, here was the plan Tracy gave us:
1. Take away daytime feeds with lots of distractions (when you see him approaching, tell him let´s go to the garden! -play the clown if you have to-) Those were a piece of cake ´cause my dd basically asked when she was bored or watching TV w/me... and when they seek comfort, Tracy told me, "teach her that comfort comes from your whole body, not just your breast" They will follow YOUR mood.
2. NAPS and Bedtime: (watch for sleepy cues)
a.For the first 3 or 4 days:
Give a snack (stock up on his favorites)
Go to bedroom and BF for 10 min.
Tell him "When the ring sounds we stop nursing" (use whetever name you have for nursing) -make´em part of it.
As soon as the sound goes off, take him from your breast and put him in crib. If he cries, pick him up and reassure him "we are going to sleep, mommy is here" As soon as he calms, put him down, and repeat as necessary (might take 40 min of PU/PD the first time, remember this is all new to your lo) Once he´s calm, rub his back and gently stop when he drifts off. Stay with him until deep sleep.
(The first time we did it with my dd, she refused to go to her crib but fell asleep w/o the breast, by the 3rd time, she heard the ring and IMMEDIATELY let go and went to sleep!)
Bedtime: Give him a bath or whatever it is you do at bedtime (if you don´t already have a ritual, make one and stick to it) and then do the same as naptime.
Next 3 or 4 days Set the alarm for only 5 min and we introduce a story(picture books, etc) to the routine: Go to the room, sit and grab the book, start reading while BF and after 5 min, remove him and continue story for another 10 (15 min worth of reading) (by now, my dd was so used to the sound that she let go and was absorbed by the story) I used two buzzards for this, so one would go off at 5 and the other at 15 min.
-The concept is to SUBSTITUTE a habit for a new one, you can´t just remove something and leave a void-
After 9 days take away the naptime feed and then the bedtime one.
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT:
This can be tough! But the outcome is absolutely worth it!! (my dd now sleeps 10 Godgiven hours!!!)
This is where you´ll need the assistance of another wonderful person (explain in detail so he or she really gets it ok?)
when your baby wakes, let your dh or whoever, go in and pat and reassure him, if he cries (most likely scream!) pick him up until he calms and then immediately put him back down... (you don´t want to put him to sleep, just want to tell him "i´m here to helpm you learn a new way of doing this" to fall asleep is his job) do it until he falls deeply asleep (might take 40 min or way more, but be patient and persistent).
Then if he wakes at 5 or 6 nurse him but with the alarm, so he nurses for some 5 min. (if you feel he´ll be confused take that feed away as well... I did that)
First night will be tough. Second will be better ( it´ll take half the time or even less) and by the third you will see a great improvement if you´ve been consistent.
DO NOT go in and correct your hubby, do not interfere, do not rescue... be strong and know his cries are more about being confused, this is all new and all he´s known.
DO NOT let him cry it out on his own. EVER. He´ll need you to guide him through this and when you are calm and take the lead without changing paths, he´ll follow! and blissful days are just around the corner.
FINAL NOTES
You can do this, your baby can come to learn to self soothe and you´ll end this chapter knowing you did not leave your child alone!
There will be tough times, tough days. STAY THE COURSE!
Start as you mean to go on! Do not go at it if you have ANY doubts. This is not fair to your lo and it will be twice as hard when you try again.
Hope all goes well
I´m no expert but if you need further explanations, post again here and i´ll try to gelp!
I´m cheering for you!
HUGS
Aixa
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Forgot a couple of things:
-Use a tight sports bra to diminish your milk suppli, pump a litle if needed.
-After you´ve weaned, and your baby goes to sleep in his/her crib, the cherry on top is getting her to fall asleep without you there, so when she´s almost asleep, you say "oops, forgot to XXXX (whatever), be right back!" and after 5 min, come back in, then say something else and go aout again, come back after 10 min, do it again, and again, until one of those times, she´ll fall asleep waiting for you. That trick still works and my dd is 2.5 years old!!
