night waking and screaming at 1year - separation???

[Kaeli]

Hi All

My lo turned a year yesterday and is waking in the night still!  We had a 3 week period about 6 weeks ago when she slept through every night and this was achieved through gently stopped bf'ing pre-sleep and in the night.

Then she learnt how to sit herself up in the cot, then we went on holiday for 2 weeks, then away for the weekend, then away again for a week.  So needless to say her night time sleeping is up the creek.

It is so bad though that she is pretty much unsettleable without resorting to bf'ing.  Last night she was awake and SCREAMING for 2 hours (10.15pm - 12.15am) with me and my husband (mainly me) going into her.  I ended up feeding her (I know I shouldn't have) as I was desperate and exhausted (was my 30th the day before!)

What is it?  I gave her some Ibuprofen as she was sucking her gums a bit.  She hadn't eaten that well during the day so may be hunger?  But at a year......she went to nursery a couple fo time for  2/3 hours for the first time this week, so is it from that?  She was a bit cry-ey when there.

She is lovely during the day still (woke at 5.15am this morning and I brought her into bed with us)..

I have had pretty much a year of her waking up at night and (I know not to compare) all her friends of the same age are sleeping through and have been for months.....what have I done so wrong?

HELP!

Thanks
Kaeli xxx

[rachelle]

yikes, there are so many things going on!  Sounds tiring!

I think first off, you need to make sure that through all this you don't get started with accidental parenting.  So if you're feeding to sleep, you don't want to do that!  Now, if you're feeding her to calm her down, that is probably ok.

It could definitely have something to do with teething.  I would try giving her some motrin before bed, and see if that helps.

What kind of things soothe her, besides bfing?  Does she like music?  Does she have a lovey?  These things might help calm her down in the midst of the screaming.

[Samuel's Mom]

You aren't alone!!!  My little guy every once in a while will sleep through, but he wakes up still more than he sleeps through.  It helps to know you are not alone in the world as all my friends babies have been sleeping through for months.  I always struggle each night with what to do...is it teething, hunger, dreams...etc.  So I try really hard to do a process of elimination. If I know he is teething, then I try the motrin.....it takes usually a good 1/2 hr to get a full effect (I know it is hard to wait that long sometimes).  If he still is unsettled and I know he hasn't eaten well, I do feed him 4 oz.  I know we shouldn't be feeding him....but there are times when I know it is hunger and it is the only thing that will get him back to sleep.  He doesn't fall asleep feeding....he will be drowsy awake afterwards and then will go to sleep in bed independently.  If your little one is waking up at the same time every night, I would say it is a habit......but if it is a different times each night, then something is bugging him (at least this is the philosphy that I follow). I'm hoping this gets better soon too!! 

The trips away also really seem to effect him and it does take  him a few days to settle back into a routine, especially sleep.  Have a set bedtime routine and stick to it.  I know I get frustrated and start trying all these different things, but in reality it probably confuses the babies more.  So I really try to stay consistent when we get back home.   

Good luck
Nicole

[Samuel's Mom]

You aren't alone!!!  My little guy every once in a while will sleep through, but he wakes up still more than he sleeps through.  It helps to know you are not alone in the world as all my friends babies have been sleeping through for months.  I always struggle each night with what to do...is it teething, hunger, dreams...etc.  So I try really hard to do a process of elimination. If I know he is teething, then I try the motrin.....it takes usually a good 1/2 hr to get a full effect (I know it is hard to wait that long sometimes).  If he still is unsettled and I know he hasn't eaten well, I do feed him 4 oz.  I know we shouldn't be feeding him....but there are times when I know it is hunger and it is the only thing that will get him back to sleep.  He doesn't fall asleep feeding....he will be drowsy awake afterwards and then will go to sleep in bed independently.  If your little one is waking up at the same time every night, I would say it is a habit......but if it is a different times each night, then something is bugging him (at least this is the philosphy that I follow). I'm hoping this gets better soon too!! 

The trips away also really seem to effect him and it does take  him a few days to settle back into a routine, especially sleep.  Have a set bedtime routine and stick to it.  I know I get frustrated and start trying all these different things, but in reality it probably confuses the babies more.  So I really try to stay consistent when we get back home.   

Good luck
Nicole

[Samuel's Mom]

You aren't alone!!!  My little guy every once in a while will sleep through, but he wakes up still more than he sleeps through.  It helps to know you are not alone in the world as all my friends babies have been sleeping through for months.  I always struggle each night with what to do...is it teething, hunger, dreams...etc.  So I try really hard to do a process of elimination. If I know he is teething, then I try the motrin.....it takes usually a good 1/2 hr to get a full effect (I know it is hard to wait that long sometimes).  If he still is unsettled and I know he hasn't eaten well, I do feed him 4 oz.  I know we shouldn't be feeding him....but there are times when I know it is hunger and it is the only thing that will get him back to sleep.  He doesn't fall asleep feeding....he will be drowsy awake afterwards and then will go to sleep in bed independently.  If your little one is waking up at the same time every night, I would say it is a habit......but if it is a different times each night, then something is bugging him (at least this is the philosphy that I follow). I'm hoping this gets better soon too!! 

The trips away also really seem to effect him and it does take  him a few days to settle back into a routine, especially sleep.  Have a set bedtime routine and stick to it.  I know I get frustrated and start trying all these different things, but in reality it probably confuses the babies more.  So I really try to stay consistent when we get back home.   

Good luck
Nicole

[Kaeli]

Thanks all

Things here are getting worse it seems.  She started nursery properly last week (3 days a week) and her sleep patterns have declined.

She only has 1 nap at nursery for 1 hours, whereas at home she will have 2 for a total of 2.5-3 hours usually. 

We have had her SCREAMING for 2 hours a night at varying times - 12am-2am, 4am-6am, 5am-7am, 2.45am-4.15am.

We aren't being consistent, that I know.  I am feeding her (bf) sometimes, dh tells her a story, I pick her up, I have even tried bringing her into bed.  What I am asking is what we should do?  Once we have a plan we will stick to it.

DH is on the 'just leave her' option.  I am not happy with this as I think she may be suffering from sep anxiety.

I have never really got on with PU/PD as she gets REALLY infuriated with me, for example last night she was crying and I couldn't leave her, so I went in and laid her down (she was sitting, can't stand yet - we have that to look forward to!) and she literally lost it - screamed so much her voice was breaking so she sounded like she was growling...so so cross!

When she is like this even picking her up doesn't calm her down.  Soothing her in her cot doesn't ever work.  She is so so tired, screaming and rubbing her eyes, I am so sure she is just upset that she isn't asleep....question is how can I help her to get to sleep?

I did leave her to cry the other morning at 6am when she had been awake since 4am and 10 mins later she was asleep and slept until 8.30am when I had to wake her to take her to nursery.  The same the next day when she had been up since 5am and at 7am I decided to leave her in her cot whilst i took a shower...when I got out she was fast asleep and slept for 2.5hours.

She has a teddy and a blankie with her, but mostly is so cross that if I give them to her she throws them across the cot in a tantrum.

Help!!!  We need a plan that both of us believe in, both of us can stick to.  What I hate is being up in the small hours not knowing what to do and feeling like you are achieving nothing!

Thanks for all your help

Kaeli x

ps I know this could be a phase because of nursery, but she has never been a great sleeper.  Has slept through for a 3 week period, then learnt to sit up!

pps.  She naps great.  Just put her down for a nap, literally laid her down said night-night, 5-10 mins later she was asleep.

[Samuel's Mom]

Hi,
Sorry about the multiple postings....the computer kept telling me there was an error and I gave up thinking it didn't go through. 

I think you need to come up with a plan and stick to it.  It is so easy, especially in the wee hours of the morning to try lots of different things.  BUt really this might be confusing her.  I know with Samuel, the PUPD really infuriates him.  If he sees me, he wants to be picked up.  So I will leave the room.  When he stands up/sits up, I go back in (I'm peeking at the door) and lay him down, say goodnight, time to sleep and leave again.  This I often had to do for naps, but now he is awesome (though he only sleeps 2hrs a day for months now).  At nighttime, I have been a mom who has been feeding him all along.  Really, I tried everything, but there were many nights he was just hungry and he is slowly sleeping through.  What I do now is if he wakes up, I give him water first.  Do you give your ds water?  it is amazing that often, that is all he wanted and he will settle back down.  If this doesn't work, then I either decide if he is in pain (give tylenol) or hungry (give 4 oz). 

Have you talked to the nusery about naps?  When, how, etc?  It might help you understand what her day is like there and on her home days, maybe try to follow it a bit so she gets into a routine.  If she is used to 3 hours of sleep a day, and only gets 1 hr, she might just be overtired at nighttime.  Also, remember teeth are ever present!!  It takes sameul weeks to get one tooth in and he does wake up from the pain.

I would think that if she is so upset in her crib like you describe.  Take her out to calm her down...whether it is to the living room or in her room.  When she is overtired, and hysterical...it is really hard for them to calm themselves down, until they are completely exhausted.  When she is calm (after a glass of water), then put her back down.  Who knows, I might be way off base but this is what I do with my guy.  I am up at night, but it is better then letting him cry it out!!!

Good luck and I hope things get better soon.  Just remember youaren't alone !!
Nicole

[ktmum]

Hi there I am pretty much having the same trouble!! my dd turned 1 last week too so i cant offer any advise but if you ever want to vent to someone whos right there with you feel free!!
Ax

[Cecilia~Olivia's mom]

I know how you ae feeling.  DD started sleeping through at 11 mos, then cut two teeth, had her needles, caught a cold & now we are back to multiple night wakings with a long waking somewhere in between.  Pain from teeth & hunger (has been on a hunger strike for 14 days) are usually the culprit, but now that I think back, about a week after any vaccinations she may get is about when it starts to go downhill...usually followed by a cold.
Good luck to us all.
Cecilia

[katejude]

Hi there Kaeli
you've recieved some good advise but i just wanted to say hi and that i feel for you.  sleep deprivation is something that i find absolutely debilitating at times.  my son is 10 months and still wakes on a good night twice but for the past month or so usually four to six times  :cry:

so hang in there and i hope you get some much needed rest

[rachelle]

What time is she going to bed at nite? I'm wondering if she's so overtired since she's not sleeping much during the day that she wakes up at nite.  You might try moving her bedtime up and seeing if that helps at all. 


Also, are you making sure she is truly crying the "get in here now" cry before you go to her?  I know it's easy in the middle of the nite to get up at the first sound, but try to give her time to resettle.

HTH

[Kaeli]

Hi

I have just reposted as I haven't been getting the email notification saying that I have had replies!!! :oops: sorry!

She is going to bed at 7pm at the latest...and sleeps like an angel until the early hours of the morning, so seems quite settled at first.  If it was overtiredness would she be more likely to wake nearer to the time she drops off?

If it is overtiredness I don't know what to do?  I can't force her to sleep at nursery and I can't not put her into nursery - what would you suggest?  I am becoming more and more resigned to sleepless nights until she is 18!!!

I do wait a while before going into her and the crying escalates....I have had a couple of occasions over the last week that she has cried out and I have waited for 5/10 mins (I look at my clock because I know how 1 minute of crying can seem like 10!) and she has gone back off.

thanks for the replies, sorry I haven't read them until now!!

Kaeli xxx