9 Month old never slept thru the night - need help on a plan

[mariamurray]

My son wakes 3 to 6 times a night, at different times.  I'm hoping to get help in creating a plan to cut out the feeds and to teach him how to go to sleep.  Does anyone have a plan or an experience they can share to help avoid any pitfalls? 

I have been feeding him two to 3 times at night (11pm dream feed) then I try to hold him off until 4 or 5am but sometimes give in. 

He was born 5lbs 10 oz and had kidney problems (was retaining fluid but now is doing great).  Unlike his sister who is now almost 3 and slept through the night starting at 9 weeks, our son Danny has never slept well.  As a week old infant he'd stay awake 4 to5 hours, and would only sleep with our help.  And so the problem started.  I didn't want to deny him feedings due to his low birth weight and kidney issues, so we didn't put him on a strict EASY routine as we had done with his sister.

Now he can't go to sleep without help, and at night seems to really want to feed. 

After seeing the pediatrician last week, I'm reassured that he's growing fine, and I plan to cut out the night feedings.  The problem is, I can't get him to eat more during the day.  As a working mom (dad stays home) I'm at my wits end and really feel close to losing it sometimes.  His naps were lasting only 30 to 45 minutes but I've been able to extend them (on the weekend when I'm home!) by waking to sleep or being there just as he stirs, but Dad can't continue this during the week on his own.

We moved from California to London for 2 months (when he was 6 months old) and now we are back in the US (so I kept putting off trying to get him to sleep through the night until now).  We got desperate and tried to let him cry it out about 3 months ago and he cried 1 hour and 45minutes the first time and 2 hours the second.  I gave in both times and will not do this again.

He is still sleeping in our room (due to the frequent wakings) and while he sleeps in his cot/crib most of the night, I have resorted to taking him into bed with us for those middle hours (2am to 4am).

I know I am an accidental parenting nightmare and I have only myself to blame,  but I really want to change things.  Would love some insight from anyone willing to share.

[Nikki60]

Put him in his own room. This helped our son as we were disturbing him when we came to bed. Try watering his bottles down gradually or the PUPD method worked for us.

Whatever you try, keep at it for at least a week otherwise it doesn't work.

Good Luck

[mariamurray]

Thanks so much for your response.  We'll move him to his own room and try watering down his feeds.

Quick question - how long did it take for PU/PD to work?  Just want to prepare myself mentally.

Thanks again!

[Catharine]

When my dd was 11 months old I went cold turkey and stopped her middle of the night bottle. It was a tough initially but she slept through for one night after the 3rd day then another night after another few days and gradually slept through every night after 2-3 weeks.

During that time, she would wake up 2-3 times during the night and I would carry her and rock her to sleep (15mins to 1hr) and gradually she would wake less. I wanted to deal with the sleeping through problem first, so I didn't care about rocking her to sleep at that time, whatever it takes to get break that habit. PU/PD didn't work for her.

Since she started to sleep through I haven't had to rock her to sleep anymore, so that problem just solved itself.

[mariamurray]

This is so helpful because I strongly suspect that PU/PD won't work for Danny.  I've tried it (not very well, I'm sure) but he seems to get more revved up rather than calmed down.

I'll try your approach first and if it doesn't work, I'll try PU/PD.

Thanks again!!

[ligato]

Hi Maria

The other thing that I think will help, if you can, is to also focus on extending the daytime sleeps.  I am a firm believer that they actually sleep better when they have had good sleeps in the day.  I know it's in no way sustainable to stay home a lot but perhaps for the first week of your effort try and have him spend as many of his day sleeps at home, in his cot and resettle him when you can for good long daytime sleeps.

Good luck!
Janine

[SandyGal]

Hi Maria:

How did PU/PD go when you tried? You say it got him worked up even more? Can you comfort him in his crib without picking him up?

There are two issues at work here. The first is independent sleep. If you teach ds to fall asleep on his own, you will most likely see a decrease if not all out stop of the middle of the night feeds. I would suggest making an effort to get him to fall asleep on his own and then tackle getting rid of whatever feeds remain in the night time when you get that down. You will find he will eat more during the day because he is not eating at night.

The first step to independent sleep will be to get him comfortable in his room. How do you get him to sleep initially? Do it the same way when you first move him to his room. Then try standing near his crib and comforting him until he falls alseep. This can be PU/PD or perhaps, you can pat his back and shhhh him. when that starts working, you can then remove physical contact and just use your voice to calm him while he falls asleep. Then, just stand there. After that, move yourself towards the door. Eventually, he will be falling alseep all by himself.

Do you have a bed time routine for him? Nap time routine?

Consistency is the real trick. You and dh need to do the comforting/training the same way for naps and bed time. If you change the way you do things after a couple of days, ds will be very confused. Tell yourself this will take at least two weeks and possibly a month. Once you start seeing a little progress you will be encouraged to continue.