18month wont sleep-help please

[darksecretz]

hi,
this is my first posting.
my son isaac is 18 months old, he rarely sleeps during the day now, unless i make it extrememley boring, which means i cannot do anything but sit on sofa with him.
he rarely sleeps all night, frequently waking for a bottle of milk, 2 or 3 times a  night, he isnt  a big eater and refuses breakfast,lunch he will sometimes eat an evening meal, but it isnt very often. i have tried not giving him milk and just giving him dilute sugar free juice, or even just water, but this doesnt help. i feel tired all the time and am at my wits end.
there hasnt been any upsets which i can account for this behaviour,
he is very active and makes me tired just watching him.
any help/input would be appreicated

many thanks
julie

[Johno & Aurelias Mum]

Hi

Right, where to start?  OK this is going to take some tough love to sort I think.

First, he doesn't need bottles at night, he may want them, but he doesn't need them. 

Can you post a typical days schedule with wake up and bedtimes?  He should still need a nap in the late morning / early afternoon of about 1.5 hours to 2 hours and that would actually help the nightime sleep.

I'm afraid I can't really help with the picky eating as I don't have that problem.  If you look at the toddler board, there's one about toddler eating and someone should be able to give you some ideas.

I would get Tracy's third book and I would decide on a new routine of one daytime nap, a bedtime routine etc and then use the PU/PD technique for the night wakings.  It will take I expect over a week to make any progress and it would be a good idea to enlist some extra help because you are going to need to be as consistent with the new rules as you were with the old.

A couple of things that may help, do physical activities in the mornings then lower key things in the afternoon.  Have a nice winddown routine at bedtime.  Then in the night, it may help you to give short explanations of what you are doing when you go in.  I find it helps me more than it probably helps him but I feel like I'm explaining myself!  Have it worked out exactly how you are going to lie him down and do the exact same thing every time.

Again, there's even more advice on the toddler sleep and the PU/PD boards that can help you.

HTH

[evanskimberley]

has her ever liked anything? what age did you wean and how did that go?

[darksecretz]

hiya
many thanks for replying, right then
day usually begins at 7.30am getting up children, Isaac and Dana-Elise(she is 5yrs old). breakfast and  then walk to school usually back home for 9.30am,
then it's a tidy up, wash pots, prepare dinner for evening, Isaac is usually in living room, playing with his toys, whilst i'm doing this, (room is gated for his safety) lunchtime, sometimes he'll eat some fruit, more often thsn not though he'll refuse, and just want his milk.  sometimes he will sleep for 1 to 2 hours about this time, more often than not though he's awake.
if he sleeps and isnt awake by 3.15pm i have to wake him to go to school to pick daughter up.
usually spend half to three quarters of hour on kiddies park after school, get home have dinner, usually by 6.30pm he is undressed and ready for bed,
dana-elise is usually in bed for 7pm, and she will happily go.
Isaac however may fall asleep on sofa, and seems to be pretty solid gone. if i pick him up to go to his bed, he'll stay there for perhaps an hour, and then wont settle for love nor money, unless i put him in our bed, then he goes back to sleep straight away. usually waking for  a bottle
about 2am.
have given up with his cot altogether, and he screams when i put him down in it.
hope this helps
julie

[Johno & Aurelias Mum]

Right, so would it suit to have him take a nap straight after lunch so that he's up again for the walk to school?

What country are you in.  It's just that your situation brings to mind an episode of Supernanny that was on in the UK a few weeks ago.  I don't know what you think of her techniques but I was going to suggest that you try a combination of BW and her techniques and if you've see the program, its easier than me explaining.

I think you need to sit down and make a new set of rules along the lines of:

1.  No more bottles
2.  Bedtime means going to his own bed for the whole night.
3.  Naptime is between 1 and 2:30 in he bed.

Once you've worked out your schedule and the new rules, you and everyone else in the house have got to stick to it to the letter.  Then you summon up all your strength and you put them into action.  You have to work through the tears about sleeping in your bed, waking in the night. etc.

However, you do also need an eating plan.  Have you been to the eating forum?

[darksecretz]

hiya
he will only eat mash potato,like  a sunday dinner, he is not very fussy on spag bol, or rice he will eat veg, fruit, refuses bread, but loves cheese,
began weaning at 4 months, he seemed to be getting on so well, initially i thought it was because he was teething that he began picky eating, he has all but his two eye teeth on top now, but i havent been overly concerned about his picky eating as i put it down to teething, just the sleeping or lack of it that has worried me. having said that he has now been asleep for 2 half hours.
hope this helps
julie

[darksecretz]

hiya
i forgot to say, i'm in nottinghamshire, tried to edit my profile everytime i click it it just takes me to forums, am i doing something wrong?

[Jaime]

hiya
i forgot to say, i'm in nottinghamshire, tried to edit my profile everytime i click it it just takes me to forums, am i doing something wrong?

check this out:

http://www.babywhisperer.com/forum/here-vp282396.html#282396

[evanskimberley]

I would say that you may be able to combine the two togther, sorting out the eating may help him sleep.

Don't be too worried about what food you give hime at what mealtimes. If he'll eat mashed pot at breakfast time then giv him that! Have alook on the eat boards, you'll find loads of great ways to get food into kids that are picky. For instance give him mashed pot with some swede or pureed chicken mixed in.

I agree that your problems sound like the supernanny programs, both the picky eating and the toddler who was still a baby ones, although not in as extreme measures, did you see either of them? (about 2/3 weeks ago)

[Johno & Aurelias Mum]

Hi

Glad you thought the situation sounded like the Supernanny one, Kimberley.

I wouldn't use her controlled crying method for sleep, I think 18 months is too young for that.  I would use the PD part of PU/PD.  Although it may take a little longer, I think that its better to demonstrate that you are there but that when you say its bedtime then its bedtime.

Darksecretz, if you like we can help come up with a plan for implementing the new routine.

[evanskimberley]

jenny, i agree with you about the sleep issue. I think the way the mum sat in the room, but moved further away is very BWery, and all about building the trust back up in the relationship.

It may be a touch of seapration anxiety and also some mistrust. I've learnt a lot about this from teddy over the past few weeks, check this thread out to understand more.

http://www.babywhisperer.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=41634&highlight=

He needs to trust you again that you're not abandoning him when you put him to bed, and that you are not trying to posion him!!!!

But you need to be prepared for a bit of a tough time ahead, i think it may have to get worse whilst its sorted out, before it gets better?