questions about walk in/ walk out

[imsmum]

How long do you stay when you go into them?  Do you try to comfort them and then leave again one they start settling like BW? Or is it more like CC where you just pop in to let them know you haven't gone anywhere but you don't actually do anything to help comfort/settle them?   

[elfin]

No, it is definitely BW in that you stay with them until calm before leaving again.  My ds would sometimes only need verbal reassurance when I went in, and sometimes he wanted me to pick him up for a quick cuddle.

[imsmum]

Ok, that's what I've been doing but I thought I might be doing it wrong because she is still having the night wakings.  How long doing wi/wo before  the night wakings stopped with your lo?

Went to the (substitute)ped today for dd's 18 mo check up and was all excited because we were told she was a sleep specialist.  we told her what was going on and what we were doing--and,of course you know what she recommended---yep, CIO  (sigh).  That certainly doesn't seem like much expertise to me.

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi sorry ahd a pc crash

When I did it with Emily I just went back in.laid her down,stroked her hair once and
went out.Becasue she was very clingy,if I stayed any longer she'd claw at me.

[TaylorsDad]

if she is very clingy how do yo leave?

This is what we are going through..

[imsmum]

OK  I think I must be doing it wrong then because it's almost like she needs me there up to a certain point in her sleepiness and then she's ok on her own  but this means that she's  not completely independent and still needs me to come in at night although I don't have to stay the whole time...If I don't come in she will fall asleep but only after a couple of hours from exhaustion.

How do you teach an 18 mo old to relax and wind down on their own???

[elfin]

Imsmum, what is her bedtime routine like?  I don't think you are doing it wrong, as I don't think there is a right or wrong way, you just have to adjust it most of the time so it works for you.

[imsmum]

Downstairs lo says nigh nigh to dh and older dd.  Then upstairs for diaper/jammies/stories with "nigh nigh" baby (a soft dolly we gave her)  and a mitten (her new"lovey" ).  After stories lights out quick bf then in to crib.  She's usually still pretty awake though. I cover her with her blankets and say nigh nigh.  I usually start this around 6:30 and sometimes she's asleep at 7 other times 7:30 other times 8.  She usually falls asleep 5 hours after waking from her nap and this varies but I try to be consistent with the winddown at 6:30 so she is in her crib by 7. 

The weird thing is is my nanny who puts her in for naps during the day will ask dd when she wants to go up for nap, just changes the diaper and pops her in the crib.  She stands there a few minutes gently talking to her.  when dd starts turning her head from side to side (dd's done this since she was a baby to settle herself right before she falls asleep) she knows it's "safe" to leave and dd falls asleep with 5-10 minutes and has a great nap.  So no real winddown per se. But if she tries to put her in or leave before then dd just cries and screams.   

I don't think dd really needs someone to be there to sleep but to settle and get her started down the road to dreamland to quote Tracy . I think that my dd is reliant on someone being there up to a certain point in her prefalling asleep stages even if she doesn't need someone to be there right until she is completely asleep.  Part of the reason I think this is that we've always BW'd dd when she was a baby, being sensitive to her tried signs so that there was always some slight variation in nap and bedtime (1/2 hour) but she was always starting to be sleepy when we put her down so she's used to someone relaxing her through those initial stages of sleep..  Now that she's bigger and we are watching the clock as well as those tired signs she sometimes is in bed before she's at that tired phase, and she's having trouble settling on her own becomes a bit overtired going down and then wakes early or in the night.

So how should I do walk in/ walk out to make her more independant at settling herself without it being cc or cio?  Wait longer than 10 seconds?  Leave before she is calm?  I'm worried that by being so anxious for her to get enough sleep I'm being too interventionist but I hate the thought of not soothing her if she is truly upset.