Fed up! Please help - 9 months and wakes at night for no apparent reason!!

[**Clare**]

Hi there!

I need help.... My little one is just 9 months, hes never slept through the night and I am a person that needs lots of sleep! This is having a huge effect on me and at the moment I can hardly think straight to type! So exuse any mistakes!

He is s bottle fed baby, he has 2 7oz bottles a day, refuses to take any more! He is an excellent eater and is on 3 good meals a day and drinks plenty of water, hes a healthy 21lbs and generally a happy (but very strong willed) llittle boy! He only cries when hes tired, hungry or in pain!

We have a good routin apart from the sleeping! He is always rocked to sleep in my arms with a dummy, sometimes we put him down on his side and pat his bottom till hes asleep! (Is this any better than rocking him?) This is for naps and bedtime or sometimes at bedtime he will fall asleep on his bottle.  At nap times he rarely sleeps more than 45 minutes, this is if we put him down! If we hold him and rock gently when he stirs he can sleep up to 2 hours.  Generally he has 2 naps a day but if we put him down and he wakes after 45 minutes he hasnt had enough sleep so sometimes needs a 3rd sleep which is abit of pain a sit gets late in the day to be sleeping!

At night time after tea/bath/short play he goes down at 7.30 only to wake up an hour or so later! Soemtimes he is easily patted back off other times he gets aggitated and needs to be picked up and rocked off again!  He then wakes another 2 times in the night for no apparent reason and can be really grumpy and doesnt seem to want to be awake!? Strange! I have refused to feed him in the night as I know he doesnt need it, if he wont settle after 5am I do give him a bottle.  Then hes usually up at 6.30 and by 7.30 hes tired again!

Thing is, I am a nursery nurs and to be truthful I probably know what I need to do! I know when he wakes he needs me to help him back to sleep, I know I should be doing the pu/pd method but it breaks my heart to see him so upset, the max time ive done it for is an hour, and he just cries the entire time! I dont know what im doing though!! Am I allowed to pat him? Isnt this s prop? What do I know coz he continuously stands up in his cot? How long should it take? ow long should I let him cry? And when he finally goes to sleep, if he does,  how long will it take before he doesnt cry and just goes to sleep?! I have so many questions, just wish I had some one to chat to to guide me through it.  Its effecting me and my family, I need around 9-10 hours of sleep a night and if I dont im grumpy! My boys are suffering not to mention my hubby as im to tired to do anything and im snappy, short tempered need I go on! Please help!!!!

I know this may sound trivial to some of you, its only coz im used to so much sleep, I cant seem to function without it.  Even if I could have 8 hours solid id be very happy!

Good luck to you all,

God bless xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Katet]

He is always rocked to sleep in my arms with a dummy, sometimes we put him down on his side and pat his bottom till hes asleep! (Is this any better than rocking him?) This is for naps and bedtime or sometimes at bedtime he will fall asleep on his bottle.  At nap times he rarely sleeps more than 45 minutes, this is if we put him down! If we hold him and rock gently when he stirs he can sleep up to 2 hours. 

I am 99% sure that you/rocking is the problem, he has not learnt independant sleep & until you help him (by pu/pd or weaning of the rocking/patting) he is NEVER going to sleep better, as he NEEDS those "props" to go through to another sleep cycle.

[**Clare**]

I feel like your getting at me? Im sorry if you think I have done something wrong here.  The thing is my baby is so precious to me.  I lost 3 babies before I had him and went through hell, when he came along all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and never let him go, I guess this was where it all began.

I didnt know there was a way of pu/pd for different ages, I would love to know more about this.  Dont get me wrong I am prepared to stick at it 100% but having him crying for an hour and not knowing if that is normal or not is hard.  Now I know it can take alot longer than that I can feel reassured that Im not doing anything wrong.

Thing is I have friends with babies that have similar sleep patterns and they arn't rocked to sleep so then that makes me think, is it just him? And is it worth putting us both through this when he maybe the same at the end of it.  Im sure it will be worth it though. 

If someone could talk me through the pu/pd for a 9 month old, Id be more than greatful.  I just need to know Im doing it right, when Ive done it before he never seems to be settled just continously cries so its hard to know when to 'pick up' and when to leave him and when I do pick him up he is cross and continues to cry so when do I put him down? Or as you said you dont actually pick him up what is the method for his age.

I dont get any support as my hubby works nights so its just me on my own wondering what Im doing and if im doing it right!

Thank you for your replie, I am prepared to do anything for me and for him.

[**Clare**]

Thanks Stacy, for your reply. Im sorry I took what you said the wrong way, Im just down on myself at the moment.  Today he had his usual rocked off to sleep nap and after posting again on here I decided to start with the next nap.  Not really sure what I was doing thou, it lasted 1hr 20 minutes, I hadnt realsised you only did it for 40 mins.  He was beside himself sobbing, I was unsure of what I was doing but decided whatever I chose to do I had to stick with it.  I sat on a chair next to his cot and for a while he was happy to lie there and everytime he stood up I just lied him back down... he was ok for the first 15 mins then as he was getting more and more tired he was getting more and more upset, I just kept lieing him down everytime he stood up, I put my hand on him to reassure him but he was even more cross! In the end after 1hr 20 he went to sleep on his back in a frog like position but he had hold of my hand which was on his tummy.  Is that okay or not okay?

I wasnt sure but I knew Id read it somewhere..... my main questions are as follows!

Is it okay to pat and say 'shhhh', he would easily go to sleep with me patting but I see this as a prop.....

Should I get him out when hes so upset only to put him back again and make him more angry?!

How many days or sleeps is this gonna take? I cant bare it!

Also, as above, is it okay to have my hand on him?

I want to do this tonight but I want to get it right!

Im sure ill have many more by tomorow! Thank you so much for your honesty, it means alot.  I havnt got the book u mentioned but will try and get a copy, all I really want is for someone to help me through it.  My husband isnt interested as hes not here alot and also hates to see harvey crying! Which isnt very helpful!

It was hard today and I cried with him a couple of times coz he looked so sad and I just wanted to pick him up and cuddle him... also at the end of it I didnt feel a sense of achievement as I wasnt sure if I had done it right!

Thanks for your time, I really appreciate it xxxxxxx

[Katet]

I just wanted to add having a 9.5mo, who does well with just patting/stroking& I've never really done pu/pd, that if he goes off with patting then do it BUT when you do watch like a hawk the stages he goes through & learn when the "last one is before sleep" for us it is the flicking eyelids. So I was stopping stroking then. Now I about to start on the loooong gaze stage... I have had to help Liam to sleep due to illness for the best part of a month & so now I am "weaning him off my help"
While BW suggests pu/pd, I have found that for me I CAN'T do it (the crying just makes me anxious to the point of dizzyness)... so with ds#1  (before I found BW) I gradually reduced my input & am doing the same now... I fully expect this to take me at least one Month to have him back sleeping independently as we had issues when he learnt to pull up even before he got sick.

[**Clare**]

Thanks Stacy! I couldnt get on here last night to read what I was suppoesed to be doing so I just did what I thought was best! Heres how it went! Not off to a good start! Desperately had to go shopping last night and my husbabnd was ill so I ended up taking the baby with me.  We got in about 8.45, H was okay as he'd had a late sleep but think he prob would have followed his usual routine and gone to bed at 7.45 as usual.  After his bath, quite time and bottl I got him into his cot by 9.30, I followed what I did for his nap time yesterday, he seemed a little more calmer this time and the darkness helped I think as did him being very chilled out from his bath and bottle! This time took an hour, he eventually went to sleep on his own I said shhh shhh a few times to calm him down from crying then he rolled on to his side, not facing me, held tight to his blanket and fell asleep.  Does it still matter that I was in the room? He wasnt looking at me when he fell asleep? Not sure I can stay out of sight the whole time as id feel I had abondoned him! So when I lie him down and reasure him im then sposed to get out of sight?!

He then slept till 5.30 which isnt un known for him, I wasnt really sure what to do as I felt he'd probably be a little bit hungry this making it hard to settle him with the pd method.... had it been 6 I would have fed him because I see that as a reasonable time for him to be getting up for the day (Well its not reasonable but for him it is! lol) I decided to feed him, he was so drowsy that when I led him down in his cot and put his dummy in he went straight to sleep.  Im not sure whether he was already asleep, he def wasnt 100% asleep but I didnt want to wake him too much as this wouldve made it harder for him to settle again, is this ok? He then slept till 7am

Hes due for a nap at about 10 so I will try again using your advice. Thank you so much, I felt much better about doing it last night.

Clare xxxxx

[**Clare**]

Hi Katet,

Thanks for your reply, I understand wha your saying about the patting, it would be so much easier too! But as ive started the pd method I will see it out, maybe I could do abit of patting to calm him then when hes calm stop and see if he can go to sleep from there, this could work for him! Thank you!!

Clare xxxxx

[**Clare**]

Hi there, thought id let you know how my day went! The 2 naps took 45 minutes to settle, the first he slept for an amazing 2 and a half hours! The second he woke after half hour as was due for his tea! Tonight it took me all of 25 minutes, we had no crying just a few grumbles when I laid him back down and when he quitened down and was lieing there quietly I moved outside the door and he fell asleep! On his own! I wanted to run in and pick him up and sout with joy... but obviously that wasnt a very good idea!! I foned my hubby to tell him, he didnt really understand the excitement! Im just sooo proub of my baby, he did it!! It maybe a one off but he did it and now I know he can do it I know I can stick at it!!  Hopefully he may sleep well tonight, we'll see!!

Just wanted to thank you soooo much for your advice, it really helped.  I will persevere with everything you have taught me! And if I can ever be of any help to you, please let me know!  When it comes to other peoples kids its easy to offer advice!!

xxxxx

[**Clare**]

Hello, stacy, thanks for your reply! I was really pleased.... but he dis wake up 3 times in the night! But all I had to go and do was replace his dummy and he fell back to sleep which isnt what he used to do! He woke up for a feed at 5.45 then slept till 8! It was bliss!!! Hopefully he'll stop the night waking, our babysitter had turned the heating up while we were at his christening preperation evening and I think he was hot at one point!

Thanks for your praise and encouragement, ill prepare for the relapse! Ill post back tonight, see how we get on today!

Thanks

xxxxxxxxxxx

[**Clare**]

Can someone help me please!? Ive just tried to put my lo down using p/d and after half hour he became very distressed, he cried for an hour and got very distraught, I had to get him up in the end as its almost time to get ready to go and get his big bro from school.  I have heard that on day 4 regression sets in, and as stacy pointed out above.  Would it be possible that its day four for people that are only doing it at night therefore it is the 4th time of doing p/u p/d as we do it for naps also this is the 5th time of pu/pd? Does that make sense.  In my mind I think not as he hadnt really got into it properly to start regressing! But I thought id check! Also what do I do now? Chances are hes gonna be sneaky and drop of in the buggy on the way to school! If not I guess ill just try again?!

[**Clare**]

Okay, I see now.  The night time last night was by far easier than the nap today! He didnt fall asleep on the way to school! Hes getting by on fresh air today as he has had 20 minutes kip all day! Hes just having a little play with his brother then were gonna start again! Im dreading sitting there for another hr and a half but hes gonna neep a sleep as we have parents evening tonight so no chance of an early night for him!

Right bettergo, hes getting grumpy!

xxxxxbyexxxx