stranger anxiety/fear has gotten really bad since started daycare

[Dina]

Not sure where to write this post into !

My son will be 1 yrs old on 24th March and he has been attending nursery for his trials for 2 weeks now.  He started off badly, but has mellowed a bit now and isn't so tearful - only when I pick him up he starts balling.

Just today I went to the doctors (for me - not him) and then to the pharmacist.  As soon as he saw the other people in the waiting room - he went bananas - and wouldn't stop crying ! He's been to both places before and he's never cried.  He also started crying when a checkout girl said hello to him yesterday in Asda - before he's just smiled back at them.

I'm worried that he's got a really bad case of stranger anxiety.  We're having a birthday party for him at our house with family and close friends coming over on saturday - people that he's met before about 20 in total and i'm worried that he'll spend the whole time screaming ! also we're going on holiday in a months time to florida and i'm worried that he'll be the same there - i.e at restaruants, airports, theme parks !!

He was always such a social happy baby - I don't know what to do.  He always been out (almost everyday to shopping centres etc) so whats changed ?

He's also become alot more clingy with me - esp after his naps - he just wants to be held and cuddled !

[Nikki~Nathanamp;Danielle]

My dd has been through that stage and fortunately for us it only lasted about a month. What I did was just reassure her as I needed to, held her as she wanted, asked strangers to give her a bit of space and even those that she knew I asked not to get right in her face and that she'd warm up to them.

How is he when you drop him off at daycare? Does he have a single carer who looks after him? This would be preferred because it means that he's got an attachment formed with one person that he feels safe with while you're not there. I have heard though that children who cry on pick up are actually well attached to their mum/maincarer (not saying those that don't cry aren't) - but just to reassure you that the bawling when you pick him up is actually a good thing.

As for going away in a months time, he may be past that stage by then. Just remain sensitive to his needs for now and as he gains his security with you he should start to venture out again in his own time.

Are you able to alter his daycare hours around in the meantime?

[smiletoday]

I have worked at several daycares maybe that daycare is not right for him. Do you just hand him off and leave or stay with him awhile?
Try stopping by the daycare during the day but do not let him see you. Maybe you can observe how his class operates.  Can you stop by unannounced? When you pick him up is he reaching for you and crying or crying because he does not want to leave? It is possible that when you leave they just let him cry it out on is own and he just gets tired and when you come get him his tears are telling you I was waiting for you all day. Take a day or two to observe. Remember Tracey says Babies have emotions. 

[Dina]

Thanks for your replies, when I drop him, I used to stay in the room for upto 10 mins, but found it better for him if I leave straightaway.  He doesn't cry when I leave and is eager to start playing, he does look up at the door every now and then as he knows thats where I spy on him ! and he'll sometimes cry.  But they distract him with playing or hugs if he's really upset.

During his trials, I stand outside the babyroom for about 20mins watching him and he's always been happy (unless he's unwell - which I has been recently).  He only cries during nappy change and sometimes feeding time.  But as soon as he see's me he starts bawling hysterically.  I guess he's just letting me know that I'm a bad mum for leaving him there ! and that he's missed me.  Before he started nursery, I swear he thought I was part of the furniture at home !

Since starting nursery - he's become more'huggy' with me and loves to just lay on my chest and hug, which he never used to do ! it's nice, but he can get a bit too clingy ! 

Since he's started he's been ill twice - with a really bad flu virus and a diaroea and vomiting bug straight after. Plus his teething is all playing havoc with his food/milk intake and sleep at night.  He hasn't slept thru the night in 2 weeks ! and i'm starting work in 2 days ! eeekk !