Standing in cot.....leaving the room....what to work on first!!

[Andys mum]

Hi...hope someone can help.

Andy's is nearly 11 months old (and was 6 weeks prem).  His routine is as follows:

Wake / Bf 7am
Breakfast 8am
Play until 9/9.30am
9/9.30-10.30/11.00 sleep
bf 10.30/11.00
lunch 12.00
1.30/2pm ? 3.00/3.30sleep
3.30 bf
5pm dinner
6pm bath
6.30 bf
7 bed

He sticks to it pretty closely...except we are now encountering problems going to sleep (naps and bedtime).  He has been on easy since birth.  Slight hiccup at 6 months when he was getting cuddled to sleep for about 6 weeks (Grandma was on the scene!).  Using up/pd he was back on track with going to sleep himself and has been for a few months.  Until recently.....

Ever since we started pu/pd we have stayed in the room with him until he goes to sleep (repercussions of cuddling to sleep...he wouldn't let us leave....there was inconsolable crying if we tried.)  We have had a lot of change since he was born...moved country...house...dad going back to work....so I decided to wait until things have settled down before I tried to leave the room.   To complicate matters, he now stands in his cot!

Now typically you go through his routine and put him in bed...He pops up straight away and stands up.  We is happy for a while chewing the side of the cot then gets grumpy.  I have tried two approached:

firstly putting him down straight way (no pick up).  This became a game...so after a few days..tried plan 2....wait until he gets a bit grumpy standing up and put him down.  This seems better...but i still do it about 10 times before he shows signs of wearing down!  This can take up to a hour.  Also he is not steady in his feet yet so he falls quite a few times which results in more tears.  i have tried this for 4 days now and find i am slipping back to feeding him to sleep as he gets so worked up.

He is  also teething but we are managing this with panadol/teething gel etc. etc.  I can tell when it is bad and needs a few extra cuddles...so it is not affecting his sleep most of the time.

So any ideas on going forward? 

Thanks in advance,
Donna

[Jaime]

hi,

the best idea i have for you is doing the walk in/walk out.  go through your routine and put him to bed as you normally do.  then, tell him goodnight and walk out.  if (when  ) he cries, walk back in & calm him down in whatever way works best (pu/pd, pd only, a quick cuddle or whatever - just not feeding).  when he's calm, leave again.

it sounds like with all the changes, a little bit of separation anxiety has set in.  this will help him establish a little object permanance; doing similar activities during the day will help with that too. 

HTH a little.   

[Andys mum]

Thanks for the advice.  I have just put Andy to sleep and he dropped off without me!!!

I did the usual wind dow routine...said ood night and as soon as I walked out the door he stood up and started to cry.  I waited until it was a 'serious' cry and went back in and did pu/pd 3 times. He was not happy but not crying. I left the room....back again soon after for a pu/pd...this time I stayed with him for a few minutes with my hand on his chest comforting him as he was pretty upset.  He rolled over and started to crawl around his cot.....I left and said good night....with my fingers crossed....it seems to have worked as there is not a peep from his room...I'm just going to check on him before putting my feet up for a while!!!!  I guess it took me 30 minutes in total.

Thanks for your advice...it gave me confidence to try it.....no more boobie to go to sleep.  I know i will hit some hard patches as we settle into the new routine but at least I know it works!!

thanks again,
Donna

[Andys mum]

hmmmm..the boobie  came out! 1 hour 10 mins of screaming for bedtime!  He was affected by teething but had panadol and bonjela cream.  He almost settled 3 times (only for a few minutes)...but proceeded to stand up and scream.  I gave him a dummy to chew on after 45 minutes (someone told me that this works!) he has never had a dummy and only chews on it.    This settled him for about 5 minutes, he dropped it out of the cot and then started screaming again...hmmm.....I gave him boobie for 5 minutes after 1 hour to calm him (and for a drink and gum massage- Ive convinced myself about this one!!).  He kept pulling off and putting his finger in his mouth....I put him back in the cot and put my hand on him to calm him with gentle words.  he rolled over and well into stage 2 of sleep so I left the room...no noise so I guess it worked!!!

the good thing is I did leave the room each time he settled so I am on the right track!

im going to put that one down to teething...and will start a fresh tomorrow.  I'm going to put my feet up after a long day and have a glass of wine and watch TV!!!

[Jaime]

that's the nice thing about tomorrow - you can always start fresh!

it is typical for there to be success, and then a little regression.  but if you can stay with it, his behavior will change. 

good luck to you & i hope it all works out!   

[Andys mum]

...thanks for the support.  Just thought I would update you......It worked!  A few days on and I have a different baby....when it comes to sleep anyway.  I am able to leave the room and pop back to comfort him/pop him back down as required.  I now lay on the sofa in the next room reading while he is fussing....give me another hour or so to myself each day!!  thats not to say it hasn't been easy...but worth sticking it out.

Thanks again,
Donna

[Jaime]

yay for you!!  thanks for the update!