'Sleeping through' - NOT - I wish she'd wake to eat instead of this!!!

[The Vern]

I read somewhere the definition of Sleeping Through is when they go the night without eating. Well, I think a more accurate definition should be when they no longer wake up throughout the night!!!  I know this sounds crazy, but I would much rather my 16 week old dd woke up once to eat than what is currently going on!!!  Last week, just from a hunch when she woke up in the middle of the night I decided not to feed her and give her paci instead. Well, it worked like a charm - she wasn't hungry and went right back to sleep and didn't wake again until 6:30 (having gone to bed at 7pm).  For the first time, she had slept through and I was delighted to say the least.  She had a few good nights like that, but the past few nights have been unreal with the night wakings! She usually will stay soundly asleep until 3 am and then sleeps only fitfully for 10-20 min at a time (which tells me she is unable to enter deep sleep in the wee hours for whatever reason).  Last night I was up with her trying to get her through the first stage for 90 minutes, then caved and brought her to bed with us (rare occurrence!) - this didn't work either, so at 5:30 I fed her and she took almost 6 oz and then was able to sleep for 2 more hours.  Have I not read her cues right - could she still need a bottle or was being more or less awake since 3 am making her hungry for breaky by 5:30? I think the latter because she really didn't seem hungry before then.  I'll answer the questions and see what you great people out there can suggest!

How old is your child?  16 weeks
What’s his/her daily routine?   Essentially 3.5 or 4 hr routine, starting with her waking anywhere b/w 6-7; bottle within 30 min of waking; A until 8:30; S 8:30 to 10:30; E at 10:30; A 90 min; nap around noon; E at 2; A for 90-120 min; nap at 3:30 or 4ish for about 90 min; E at 5:30 or 6; bath 6:30; bed for night 7ish.
What’s nap routine? Wind down by singing, sitting quietly in chair, swaddle, kiss and say it's sleepy time.  Paci.  Leave her to fall asleep on her own no problem
How long are naps? 2 hrs, 2 hrs, 1 hr
What's bedtime routine? Time? We bathe her every second night. Other nights just rub down. Then sit quietly, read, or sing goodnight songs, swaddle, kiss and say it's sleepy time, give paci, leave her to fall asleep on her own, which she usually does no problem within minutes. Usually in bed by 7ish.
Do you bottle or breastfed??   Bottle
How much? or how long? 175 ml, almost 6oz, 4 x/day, occasionally give her another extra bottle right before bed and after bath, depending on how long ago she ate on days that her routine is off.
How many wakes per night?  I lost count!  She can usually stay soundly asleep from 7ish until anywhere b/w 2 or 3 am (waketimes are all irregular). As mentioned, she doesn't seem to be able to get herself to deep sleep.  Last night was up every 10-20 min from 3 to 5:30 when I fed her and she went back to sleep.
What’s your LO like when waking at night? How long is he/she up? At times she is all smiles and ready to go, but settles down and does seem to understand it's night time.  Mostly she cries out and settles right back down immediately with her paci. She seems to wake up again a few minutes after the paci falls out. She'll grunt, turn her head from side to side, seems to struggle.
When you go to him/her is she fussing or crying? Or is it a mantra cry? I'm unsure still what a mantra cry is in spite of reading the definition over and over! I try not to go in right away b/c there are times that she cries out quickly and settles herself back to sleep. I seem to know when the cry is one that she demands attention and won't be able to do it on her own.
What have you tried to settle??   I give her paci and she settles right away (obviously a prop at this stage, I know!). If needed I shh, put light pressure on her chest, reswaddle if needed, light jiggling in the crib. It doesn't seem to be a settling problem, rather a staying asleep problem.
What do you do for A time and how long is it?  Tummy time, babygym, play with rattles, look in mirrors, attend mommy/baby fitness, kindermusik, once a week maybe watch baby einstein (usually when clipping nails!!)
Are there developmental issues such as teething or milestones? None right now.  I should mention that we were on a trip to Sweden when she stopped eating at night and since returning to Canada on Monday her wakings seem to be getting worse. Jet lag???
Have you introduced cereal? Why, how much, and how many times a day? (for LO’s under 6 months)  No cereal. Only formula.
Do they have a prop? If so what is it?   Paci.
Do they have a lovie?  When I occasionally put her down for naps without swaddling her (as I'd love to be rid of the swaddle!) I give her a cuddly, but I don't think she's attached to it yet.

I have to say I'm tempted to make her bedtime later so that she'll sleep later as she seems to have no problem with the first part of the night, but I'm sure that's not the right solution and would only be a quick fix. And wake 2 sleep, how would I do that when her wake times are all over the place?  Thanks to all in advance for your valuable input. 

[teezee]

if your lo is ok without eating..ie is she crying when you are holding her when she wakes at night or when she sees you?  or is she ready to play? if she wants to play it's b/c she isn't tired - too much day sleep (prob need to limit naps a bit - happens every few months as lo's grow their needs change). the catnap should now (with a 4hr routine in place) be just that - a 30 min catnap..you may have to extend and play with A times a bit to find a balance ie morning A time extend by a bit..so that with only a short catnap lo can still make it to bedtime without becoming overtired...or on days that doesn't work - def opt for an earlier bedtime. imo i think it is an adjustment of naps/routine that is needed in this situation from what you have said though. you are probably right that she isn't getting into a deep enough sleep b/c she is not tired enough to stay asleep.

if she didn't need to eat for those first nights she is probably ok without a feeding at night? did you notice her taking in more during the day when she stopped eating at night - she should have  at least a little bit - and maybe offer more if you do think it is hunger.

the diff between a mantra cry and a cry-cry - a mantra cry is more fussing...the cry that you run in for is when lo has the tone - 'i need you NOW mommy' kwim?

fyi imo - a later bedtime won't solve your problems..maybe for a few days but will just throw your routine off and create bad habits in the end. wake to sleep wouldn't work right now as she isn't waking consistantly at the same time - so it's not a 'habit' kwim?

good luck and if you have any other questions let me know!

[The Vern]

Teezee, thanks so much for your input. I don't think it's hunger because, for one, she's either ready to play, smiling, cooing, etc, or two, she takes her paci and nods right off.  Usually if she's hungry she's not interested in her paci at all.  I think she did start taking a little bit more when this all happened, so she likely adjusted her daytime feeds on her own. 

Re: the cry, the cry I go in for is one I know will only escalate if I don't go in.  I would say it is more a fussing cry than a mad, straight out cry. When I go in to her, she's turning her head side to side, eyes, closed, crying out, wiggling her body inside the swaddle. I'm afraid to leave it b/c of the cry just escalating and waking her completely, as opposed to just popping paci back in. 

So am I understanding you correctly, you think I should have an earlier bedtime than 7?? How would that work with having her sleep longer at night, if in your opinion she's waking because of too much sleep. I'm confused   Do you think that maybe you could post a suggested routine so that maybe I can understand it better?

Her longest A time is usually in the morning and mid-day she tires quicker and is only up for 90 minutes or so. Do you have any suggestions on how to extend A time? 

[teezee]

well lo is waking at 6 or 7 and based on a routine that is 12 hrs - cutting back that catnap may not let lo be able to get to a regular bedtime without getting overtired kwim? i wouldn't 'always' shoot for an earlier bedtime - but if it doesn't seem like lo will make it til then i would. as i said i do think your routine looks pretty good just maybe can stretch out the am A time (or anywhere else you think you can - you know your lo best ) and that would push the day forward (naps, A time) and then you wouldn't have a need for an earlier bedtime kwim?? if limiting the catnap doesn't work after a few days, you may have to limit one of the other naps a bit say to 1.5hrs or so.

extend A tiem with low key activity..reading, looking out a window..anything like that. the shortest A time of the day 'should' be in the morning and longer as the day  progresses.

maybe a routine like: (not set in stone by any means - my lo is a long way off of 16 weeks now - you could also look in the easy forum for suggested routines)

wake 7am feed
8:45-9 nap
10:30-11 wake
11 feed
1-1:30 nap
wake 2:45-3
3 feed
4:45-5 catnap (1/2 hr)
6:45feed and bed for 7ish

that's what i would suggest although A times vary for all lo's slightly - that kind of seems familiar to me i had a hard time giving my lo a catnap right about 5:15 - she had wakings at night if i did this...just think right when you get this down pat - a few weeks later lo will be ready to drop the catnap altogether!! just like tracy says...just when you think you have got it - everything will change!!

i know it's hard to - but try and let lo just fuss and see what happens - she is turning her head back and forth and 'trying' to go back to sleep so i would let the fuss turn into 'crying' and even wait a min or two more than you normally would - she may just be putting herself to sleep...she's not used to it and it may take time but i think she may get the hang of it;) also you may want to ask some ?'s on the props board as if you aregiving lo a soother to get her back to sleep all the time it probably has turned into a prop -and better to break that when lo is smaller.