Crying at social gatherings

[Bexmummy]

Bec has taken to disliking some of the activity groups I've been taking her to. She cries when I take her to the local lunch club (there are high chairs and a play area provided) and the singing group we go to each week. I can't drive and she won't let me put her in her car seat in friends' cars. She only wants to go in either my husband's car or either car belonging to my parents which means that going to places a little further than walking distance is a problem. She does go to the Mums and tots group each Friday quite happily. She's been going to that for a long time though and even went when she was still sat in her baby seat and unable to move around on her own.

I've tried to reassure her that I'm not leaving her there, but it doesn't make any difference and we've had to go home more than once before things have really started. I'm a little worried about people thinking bad things about her. I know she's only very young still (20 months), so maybe I'm fretting over nothing (?) Ideally, I'd like her to make friends before going to school and for her to get along with most people. I used to hate school and I don't want her to suffer there like I did!

Do any of you have similar problems? or did you in the past and then your little one managed to get over the dislike of going out and about? The impression I get from reading Tracey's toddler book is that she'd recommend only doing what the child's comfortable with. She mentioned Sara not liking birthday parties so they'd only turn up for the present giving and cake time. Maybe the best thing is to wait until after the summer break and try her again? If that doesn't work then maybe I should wait until I can drive so I can take her to the less structured groups that can oly be reached by car? I would imagine that listening to what she tells me is the key and doing what suits her. Any advice anyone?

[Erin M]

Hmmm, I've been thinking about your post, but nothing brilliant is coming to mind...
Has anything changed to make her a bit insecure about being out?  Has she been ill?  Teething?   Anything like that?  In the meantime, it seems like a good idea to keep taking her to the moms and tots group since she's comfortable there and likes it.  Does she sit on your lap when you go to other things or does she just cry the whole time?  If she's really that uncomfortable I think you probably shouldn't take her.  Maybe take just a few weeks off and see if that helps her?

Also, I wouldn't worry about her making friends just yet or what other people think.  Chances are it's something she needs to work through and when she's got it figured out, she'll be fine.

Sorry to not be more helpful!

[Bexmummy]

Thanks for your help Erin! It's very sweet of you to take time to think over my questions. I think I'll do as you've advised and only take her to Mums and Tots until the next lot of sessions for the other groups start up in September. Maybe by then she'll be more into it. If not, then I won't worry. I was talking to my MIL who came to visit us over the weekend and she told me that Becca's daddy, Alex refused to go to anything and cried if he was made to when he was tiny. She decided to let him do what he wanted to. He even refused to go to school and had to go the following year when he was 5. He's turned out fine and is confident so I'm sure Bec will be okay too. I suppose worrying is what we do though isn't it? )

[NikiJ]

Sorry Bexmommy i can't help with your problem coz I haven't experienced it personally(yet) but reading your post I noticed our daughters were born on the same day  

Cool or what?

Niki

[Bexmummy]

Cool!! How's life with your little Virgo?