Beyond My Wits END: Chronic night wakings & napping nightmares

[Canadian Evan]

I'm not even sure to begin.

My little one is 10 months old and has never been a great sleeper.  Starting at about 4 months he decided that he didn't need to nap.  He'd nap for 20 minutes or sometimes 45 minutes two or three times a day.  I started putting him on EASY at about 4.5 months.   With the addition of the dream feed he started sleeping through the night at about 5 months.  The sleeping turned into a chronic nightmare at about 6 months with repeated nightwakings sometimes every 30 minutes.  This has been ongoing - sometimes he'd sleep through sometimes he'd be up every hour.

The naps never did improve until he was about 7 months after months of pat/shush, pu/pd and then finally wake to sleep. I finally got him to take an hour in the morning, and an hour the afternoon.  The night wakings started to get better with us just going in two or three times a night and just lay him back down.

At 8 months the nightwakings got out of control again -he was learning to crawl and cutting two teeth.  After two weeks of zero sleep we got him back on track pretty much sleeping through the night with one or two wake ups but he'd go back down immediately.  He was also napping great (an hour in the morning and night).  Then boom he got a cold that ran for three weeks and he started nightwaking again.  These night wakings would happen every hour with at least one episode of him lying wide awake in his crib for an hour to two hours.  We did pu/pd - he'd settle but just lay there awake unable to sleep.

We've started to get a little bit better with the nightwakings again these last two weeks.  We started putting him to bed at 7:00 PM and this seemed to make his sleep better.  He still cries out and moves around the crib sleeping on his belly and his face!!  Then, the naps have gone out of the window again.  He's back to a half hour in the morning and sometimes NO nap in the afternoon.  And, now just this week he's started waking for longer stretches again at night.

I'm at my absolute wits end.  I feel like I've spent the last 7 months of my life (night & day) trying to help him sleep.  I feel terribly ashamed because at times I am angry that I can't get enough sleep for myself and that I'm failing as a mommy because I can't even get my child to sleep.

Evan is breastfed.  He goes to bed around 7 PM - this is also a nightmare because he can take up to an hour to fall asleep on his own.  This is often accompanied by lots of pu/pd, crying and exasperation on both our ends.   He always wakes up crying and grumpy.  He does take a pacifier but he seems to be able to find it most nights. I know he's sleep deprived but I can't for the life of me figure out how to help him.

Can anyone see what I can't?

Here's his latest schedule.  It varies widely.  IE. today it took me an 1.5 to get him down for an afternoon nap.

6:00 am wake up
6:30/7:00 Breastfeed
8:00 am Breakfast(toast, cereal, yogurt & fruit)
9:00 Nap for one hour (not lately)
10:00 AM breastfeed
12:30 PM Lunch - finger foods, cheese, bread,fruits & veggies
1:30/2:00 PM - Nap for one hour
2:30/3:00 PM Breastfeed
5:00/5:30 PM - Dinner (finger foods, meat, cereal, veggies & fruit)
6:00 PM - Bath
6:30 PM - Breastfeed/Story time
7:00 PM bed

Wakes up generally around 11:00 PM at night sometimes he wakes every hour after that until 2 AM, other nights he goes right through until 2 AM then wakes up for an hour.

Can anyone shed some light.  I'm ready to pack my bags and let my husband try CIO.  I told him I'd consider it if he put in the leg work.  I can't listen to my little boy cry.

Please help.

[MyPiggie]

I cannot offer much as far as help, but I can at least let you know that you are not alone. My boy is 8 months. He really wasn't a problem until 3 moths, then he started the constant night wakings. It took lots of sleepless nights, but it seemed that things were getting better at 4 months. Then at  he started cutting teeth and got sick. After that, the nightmare really took hold and lasted for another 2.5 months. Now, after two weeks, things are getting better. Of course, I did a lot of accidental parenting...rocking him to sleep, feeding him all night, putting him in my bed....so many!! I have finally got him to sleep in his crib and put himself to sleep. However, the night wakings/feeds continue. Breaking him of these is my new agenda.
I know that I am not offering you assistance, but I can relate to your feelings. Sometimes I don't think I can take it. I am a zombie, averaging about 4 hours of broken sleep each night. I get angry and frustrated that I let this happen. I made many errors as a first time mommy, and the consequence is getting to us all. I am just trying to get through each night. I am trying to journal things, so that I can better guage his problems/improvements and see what I may have done that helped/hurt the situation.
You may want to scroll through and see if any other postings are similar to yours. There may be some advice that works for you. You may also want to post in General Sleep Issues.
Good Luck to you. My heart goes out to you, as I can relate. I believe you will be able to find some great advice here. I have taken away some wonderful tips over the last couiple of weeks! 

[aidenmc]

Hi there,

I just wanted to add my support. i know exactly how you feel. My lo is 10.5 months. He is my #2 son and before he was born I planned not to be in this situation - well here I am again! For me it was gas and reflux that really started things at about 4 months. Teething has been REALLY bad for us. Your sleep sounds just like mine. One difference is that your lo is putting himself to sleep (I am still locked into bf to sleep for all sleeps - he is just starting a new medication so hopefully once he is feeling better we get to do the full on sleep training! Uggh!). My life revolves around sleep as well. I hate to say that it worries me to see that even people with babes who put themselves to sleep have as many problems as mine.

The only thing I can think of to suggest to you is to maybe consider an allergy or intolerance. I know that some lo's with milk intolerance have poor sleep because of it. Others have behavioural problems (so it may not be obvious). Could you maybe try getting you both off all dairy for awhile to see if that helps? It will take a couple of weeks to get it out of your systems.

I am sure someone will check in soon with more ideas.

You are not a bad mommy! Even those of us with so-called experience are in the same boat! I know what you mean about the CIO. I can't stand to hear my lo cry either and am thinking of having my dh do all of the sleep training all on his own (I think he is less affected and may look on it as a cool challenge - fine I have been dealing with it the past 10 months  ). Anyway, it will get better and I am sure you will get some good advice here!

[Canadian Evan]

Thank you ladies for your support.
It really means a lot to know that I'm not alone.  I feel so awful.  The worst part is I'm returning to work in two months after having a year at home with Evan.  I'm starting to feel as though I've spent my entire mat leave fretting about him not sleeping.

Aidanmc - Evan doesn't always fall asleep on his own.  At times he's fallen asleep nursing before bed or he has fallen asleep during storytime.  It's weird because he shows very little signs of being tired, then the next thing I know he's drifting off to sleep. 

And, I did lots of accidental parenting up until the last few months, so he really wasn't going to sleep on his own until the last two months.  I'm not sure what I'm doing, really.  I just know it's probably more than one or two things making him wake.

I am thinking about trying losing the dairy to see what happens.  I only introduced it three weeks ago and I myself don't really eat a lot of dairy so I would be suprised if that's what's waking him.  It's worth a shot....and I am suspicious of his drooling rash - i'm starting to wonder if it's not eczema as I've seen a couple of dry patches on his back and neck in the past four weeks.

Last night he woke up screaming for the third time and he was LIVID.  He didn't want his soother, he didn't want me to hold him standing, sitting down, he didn't want me to put him in his crib.  He was hitting me and kicking me.  I set him down in his crib and he started to scream like I've never heard him scream.  He's never done this before so I got scared that something was seriously wrong, so I tried to nurse him - it settled him for 20 seconds then it started again.  I ended up having to set him on the floor.  I undid his jammies and loosened his diaper and rubbed his belly for a few minutes.  He calmed right down and went to sleep.  He never woke again until 6 am.  So maybe there's tummy troubles. I didn't hear any wind get passed but he's been burping a lot during the day. 

I will try omitting dairy and see if we get any results.  In the meantime, I'm open to any and all suggestions and questions.

Thanks!!

Here's to a good night's rest.

[north london mum]

hi there
sounds very familiar to me. No idea if it's helpful to read about a similar story, but also perhaps you have some insight for me. My lo is 9 months and we did sleep training 2 months ago. it went fairly well although pretty awful for me, and after about 10 days (  it got better each day apart form day 3 & 4) he went from being breast fed on demand and up to 4 or 5 times on a bad night to 0 times. and slept through until about 6.30am. We had c. 6 really quite good weeks....

However, recently we had a fright when he came down with a high fever, blotchiness and cold hands and feet and drowsiness ( 2 weeks ago) so spent a day at the A&E ( emergency room) to check for meningitis. Luckilly it wasn't but some other non specific virus.

As a result I let the whole sleep training thing slip ( when he had the very high fever I was breastfeeding on demand) He is now teething ( incisors), and clearly in pain at some points during the day. He cries out, out of the blue and is gnawing his hand like a dog on a bone,  and is waking 2 or 3 times a night with similar reaction to the ones you describe. Livid screaming, not happy in my arms in any position for long, nor lying down, and does some odd jerky thing with his body and stiffens his legs. I give him baby paracetamol but the only thing that gets him back off to sleep quickly is a breast feed, although he cries when he is finished for c. 1 min. before dropping off. ( he used to fall asleep quietly afterwards).

I cant work out if it's a "I want my breast feeding at night back", willful thing or an allergy or some other thing. I have a feeling he may be intolerant to some foods including mango and or tomatoes as I think it is at least the the 2nd time I noticed he sicked up after dinner. Hard to tell really. He did have reflux although this seems much better and has a tongue tie that they wouldn't operate on, no idea if any of this is relevant.
Either way my instinct is it is a combination of short term painful teething and some kind of chronic digestive issue. (he seems quite windy, mostly farty) so I have a suspicion he may be slightly lactose intolerant, or maybe I am eating too much sugar (have been a chocoholic since pregnancy) and passing it on to him.

On the whole he naps well, a spin off of the sleep training that has worked out well and can put himself to sleep sometimes crying and occasionally without a peep, but this night time thing is tough. Feels like we are heading back to square 1. Hope not.
Any insight or suggestions much appreciated.

[aidenmc]

Those symptoms you both describe sound familiar. My lo had eczema for a number of months. At first I believed it was a teething rash but it wasn't. It went away after I has been off wheat for a month (I am assuming that was the problem). About the screams and jerky movements, my lo does that (although he used to scream, now it is more of a fuss and cry) when he is gassy (farts or burps) or constipated. He has been a gassy baby since birth. I still have to spend ages getting burps up after I feed him (bf). Often when he wakes and I go in, I hear him farting. Otherwise he needs a burp. The hard part is that he wiggles so much (he seems so uncomfortable) that it can be very hard to get the wind up. Often he just wants to breastfeed - for ages! That is anotehr thing. It will often take up to an hour to get him to fall asleep. the morning nap is the best - usually 20 minutes to 1/2 hour but the afternoon nap and nighttime can be a very long time. I am so tired of sitting in that crummy rocking chair for so many hours a day! The hardest part is that I can't do anything but sit there nursing and burping and rocking - if I could even read a book it would help. Well we will be doing some major sleep training soon (I plan to be out of earshot) so maybe that will change.

Good luck tonight everyone!

[Colin Macs Mom]

Canadian Evan,

You've gotten some great advice and support already but I just want to add that it does sound to me like there is some tummy upset and/or gas going on. I would definitely explore that with the doc and check for a food allergy as well. Your routine looks good to me, so I would start with exploring a physical reason for all this.

Do you know what personality type your lo is? That can really affect sleep training time and also methods.

[Canadian Evan]

Wow!  Thanks everyone.
I'm just popping on quick before I dash off to do some housework.  I'll repost in a bit but something caught my eye.

I originally thought that Evan was textbook/grumpy BUT I just redid the quiz and he is OVERWHELMING spirited!!

Any insight from mom's of spirited LO's?

And, his sleep has been better for the last two nights. He cries out several times but is resettling. We've only had to tend to him once each night and both times we just had to lie him back down and off he went.  He is waking at 5:30 AM however, but is responding to about 3 minutes of PU/PD.   I stopped dairy for him yesterday (but it's not gone from my diet).  So I'm not sure if it is the dairy bugging him.  His naps are still a little off. 
He's going down easy but is only napping for 30 minutes in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon.

[Colin Macs Mom]

Ah yes, my DS is very spirited as well. That particular personality makes sleeping an extra challenge.    That's wonderful that PU/PD is working for you though, it sometimes doesn't with the spirited. Never did for me! You should join us on the spirited thread - it's in the EASY forum and called the support group for moms of spirited babies. It's long, but I would really suggest you read the whole thing if you can. There's some really great information in there!