It says on Wind-down time to close all curtains and have the room dark, but how does baby learn difference b/tween day & night?At his age, he would probably already have this sorted out. Although it can occur up to 8 weeks old, you will help prevent this by waking him from naps and not letting him sleep longer than 2 hrs at a time. You don't want him to sleep past feeds, either, b/c you want him to have the bulk of his calories consumed during the day so that he isn't as hungry in the night.
With pat/sshh do you put them to bed and if they start crying, start patting their back and if they settle you leave or do you stay there patting until they are completely asleep (which takes about 20min it says) what if they are still crying after 20 min?Well, I didn't copy the part about your lo hating to be swaddled, but rereading Tracy's book leaves me to recommend trying it some more. What appears as though he hates it may just be a sign of overtiredness as your getting him ready for a nap, and if he's flailing about, then that's all the more reason to swaddle him.
Here's a link from the General Sleep Forum about shush/pat:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26672.0If I do 3.5 Easy his feeds would be 7/10.30/2pm/5.30 then 9pm so would the 9pm feed be his d/f and currently his last feed would be about 7.30/8pm with bath @ 7pm. Will he get confused and upset at the night change?I was looking at a post with an example 3.5 hr routine with hours like yours (
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=62788.0), and it looks like you do the 5:30 feed, then bed at normal time. Then you can do the df at 10. Another possibility would be to cluster feed, which is just a method of feeding in shorter time intervals in the evening to fill him up before bed and hopefully lessen night wakings, at 5 and 7 and then put him directly to bed. You could still do the df at 10-11. I don't think he'll be confused or upset, but if you try to keep him up too late he will be overtired and upset. You will want to aim for a bedtime 12 hrs from morning wake time. If something doesn't work, you can always change it. An important thing is to write it all down so you know what does and does not work. One or even 2 or 3 nightwakings is still typical for his age, so you would feed him.
Do I wake him up at 7am to start the day or leave him to wake himself?It is my recommendation to try and have a set wake time to keep your day somewhat structured. It may not be entirely possible at his age right now, but between 6-8 am is reasonable. Here's a link with some varying opinions:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=62558.0