Please tell me this will improve

[MackMum]

  I really need some encouragement to keep going breastfeeding DS. He's almost 14wo and has been exclusively BF (until last night when he had his first taste of 50:50 BM and formula.)

BF has never been easy with my LO - we had 6 weeks of raw nipples that would make my toes curl in pain when he first latched on. Even since he was just a couple of weeks old he's been a repetitive bob-on-and-off-er. Though textbook in most ways, he most definitely is NOT when it comes to feeding. He likes a fast letdown and gets really impatient when the flow slows. We may have had a couple of weeks around 1.5-2mo when things were going reasonably well and we could enjoy a quiet (though quick) feed that was satisfying to both of us (though even that would involve some bobbing on and off).

Now we've endured weeks of pulling off and crying then back on- over and over, arching back or just plain crying, with virtually every feed. It's not my supply - I can pump enough and he's just as fussy first thing in the morning (when I have heaps) as the rest of the day. Generally the calmest feeds are during the night (though these are going downhill now too). The only thing that worked to keep him feeding instead of pulling off and crying is pacing the floor  . A blanket over his head worked for a couple of days but we;re back to pacing in a dark room now (sometimes with blanket too!!). I've rigged up a looped scarf to support his bum off my shoulder to free up one hand, but my back is feeling it.

The last feed today I ended up in tears  while pacing the floor - why is it only getting harder?! everyone says it gets easier at 6wks - it's just gone from bad to worse!! He's 3months and my nipples are still tender from the constant bobbing on and off, having to pace the floor means he has to latch himself back on which isn't always ideal - mind you he's never done a great latchon. And the midnight feeds aren't very enjoyable either these days as often I have to pace the floor for those. This is riddiculous!!! and so upsetting because I want to keep BFing but it;s getting to the point where I really don't like feeding him - so much for closeness and bonding!!

Yesterday I did some bottle training with him cos I haven't tried since he was 8wo - and want to be able to top him up with formula at his bedtime feed if my supply is low (cos he wants heaps at bedtime but I often don't seem to have quite enough). He took the bottle great (pleasant surprise) though I still have to pace the floor sometimes or we get the same crying. But at least it doesn't hurt me, he doesn't get frustrated with flow inconsistencies and I can tell if he's got enough. But in my heart I don't want to give up. I've always wanted to breastfeed my kids till at least 6mo, we're halfway there but it's just so hard and not at all what I hoped it'd be  Please tell me it can get better...

[Samuel's mum]

HUGS
I really want to post properly later when I've had a chance to think - Can I just ask though - have you ever spoken to a helpline or had any 'professional advice'?

I've sent you a PM too.

PS make sure you've checked out all the new stuff on your original thread - silent reflux is a good thought.

I've locked the original one so people don't post twice - hope that's OK.

[linfran]

HUGS......

You are not alone, believe me - I think you're marvellous for doing as well as you are.  Could your lo be going through a growth spurt?  I ask because my lo (who was almost 10lbs at birth) went through a mad growth spurt at 4 weeks old and put on 14oz in four days.  I stuck it three and a half of those four days before I had to admit defeat - I had windssocks where my nipples had once been and couldn't button my shirt it was so painful.

It also transpired my lo had both colic and reflux so bottles worked out easier for us.  Having said that I completely understand how torn you feel, feeling guilty and sad about the thought of giving up bf and thinking how things might ease with a bottle.  Can you speak to a lactation counsellor or sympathetic midwife/hv/gp?

All I wanted to say is whatever you decide, to stick with it or switch to bottles, please don't beat yourself up about it - you've already given your child a wonderful start in life and should be proud of yourself for what you've done.

[Samuel's mum]

Hi - me again.

Do check out all the suggestions from people on your original thread - they're great - as I think there are some things you need to rule out.
e.g silent reflux
ear infection/ silent ear infection

The situation you are describing is not the way things should be. I'm worried about this:
 

he's never done a great latchon

That could explain a lot - obviously the bobbing but also his need to constantly stimulate a new let-down because he's not extracting the milk fully efficiently himself.

I remember you mention the pacing the floor thing before - it's worrying that is still going on. Have you tried a completely new hold - like move to football hold and completely shake things up. The need to pace could fit with the reflux thing if it means he's a bit more upright.

This last bit is said in my school teacher voice. The bobbing on and off, the pacing, the nipple soreness - this is not how things should be. I imagine you are worn down by all this but you need to get qualified help beyond this site. In my PM I passed on the LLL New Zealand details. Help doesn't have to cost money. Visit your doctor to rule out ear infections and reflux.
Even if you do pay for a lactation consultant it's still cheaper than several months of formula. You've been so so dedicated this far - one visit/conversation with someone and everything could click into place.

End of bossy bit. Here's an unbossy hug.
HUG.

[Maeve]

I also wondered about reflux. My refluxer was like that, bad in the morning, bobbing all the time, and seemed like a newborn baby still at 3 months in that feeding was difficult. Also a VERY fast feeder too. I noticed he was always  more settled after bottles (of formula) and one day at 4 months I tried a day of formula. He is still on it, he was so much better.

[NKmommy]

HUGS.  We have definitely been there.  Just want to agree with the others that it sounds like your LO might have silent reflux.  If frustration with the flow of your BM were the only problem, I wouldn't think you would see the crying after a bottle feed.  My silent refluxer bobbed on and off, cried during feeds, cried after feeds, fed better (at least for a while) at night when he was most relaxed. 

What does the doctor say? 

I hope things get better for you and your little man soon... 

[MackMum]

Thankyou for your thoughts and suggestions. I've considered reflux a number of times but usually ruled it out since he's never shown any fussiness or signs of pain after the feed stops (or a certain time after). He does spit up lots though after every feed (except nighttime ones) - but doesn't seem overly bothered by those 'wet burps'. Plus he sleeps fine.

At about 6weeks I did talk to my plunket nurse who is a breastfeeding 'expert' she showed me how to latch him on properly. And for a couple of weeks I really tried so hard to make that work - but problem is that he bobs off within a few sucks of being latched on, or adjusts his 'grip' to a slightly less ideal one, and even when he had a 'perfect' latchon it didn't improve his behaviour on the boob (that one visit I had with the plunket lady he behaved wonderfully   ). I have a mothers group at plunket every tuesday morning - they saw me pacing the hall last week (including the expert I'd talked to orginally) and I asked them about his behaviour but they didn't have any suggestions as to why movement would be helping him, only said they thought he'd hopefully grow out of it. I asked the doc about the arching back and he just said that perhaps it was my supply and that I could put him on formula if it was bothering me (great help he was!!!). But he did check his ears and said there was no infection. He made no mention of reflux.

We are (hopefully) coming to the end of the 12wk growth spurt - it started bang on 12weeks and with the floor pacing I've been able to get heaps into him at each feed (and he feels like he suddenly weighs a ton . We've been doing 2 feeds at night again but these are slowly going back to 1 (hooray!) again - he went 8.5hrs after his bedtime bottle last night (that was not quite 1/3rd formula). He'd taken 150ml. To keep up with the growth spurt I've been drinking nursing tea and pumping a bit - got a bit of engorgement going on (again- this happens at the drop of a hat for me) but at least I know we've got heaps of milk. (his bad feeding behaviour hasn't changed since the spurt started though- it was just as bad before). When I pumped for each feed on Saturday I was getting 150-200ml total over both boobs (220 in morning, 140 at bedtime). When he feeds I can hearing my LO swallowing clearly - gulping at first and then every few sucks towards the end - when I've tried pumping after (to see what he's left behind) there's rarely anything except a few mls so I figure the latchon was good enough for him to be getting the milk out fine. I think the main reason my nipples are still a bit tender is due to all the bobbing on and off rather than the grip - when I can feel that it's really not right I'll certainly put him back on properly. A few times over his 12weeks I've managed to single side feed him but each time after a few days we seem to end up going back to double again, not quite sure why this is.

Well, this is a long enough post. Samuels mum, thankyou so much for your help! I'll get on and look at those websites you sent me and see if there are any proper consultants in my town that I can get an appointment with.

Oh, also I've tried the football hold (v awkward and no better latchon), also elevating him to about 45deg while feeding (no difference in behaviour, but I do it anyway just in case it helps), tried feeding him lying down (definitely didn't work!). I always feed him in his room with the lights off and no interruptions. I've tried talking quietly to him, singing quietly to him, patting his bum, or just silence - none of it makes much difference. Even with the bottle he bobs on and off a bit but at least its not hurting my nipples!