Help me with my Mama's Boy

[mom-2-3]

Hi,

I am in desperate need of some help.  My 7 mth old ds has severe mommy issues.  He gets very upset (and generally inconsolable by anyone except me) when:

- I play with my 2.5 yr old dd
- I am in the room but not with him or holding him
- if he sees me moving away from him

I need to be out of the house or out of his sight for him to be able to play with my dh when he gets home from work.  Evenings are worse (his cranky period) and bedtimes are getting bad as well.

Please help me get my dd to realize that there's more to life than his mommy.

Heidi

[mari]

They do go through these phases of 'I think that if you go to the loo you may never come back and I will be left here forever alone'
I get it all the time with the children I look after as well as my own daughter who gets jealous of them sometimes.
I jsut sit on the floor of the playroom and play with them, they soon crawl off my knee and find something to grab their aattention.  I'm not saying that it will cure it straight away, but if you do stay with them, I think that they feel more secure, and sitting in the playroom is a bit more interesting and easier than trying to do jobs with them stuck to your hip.  I have to do my work in the evening or before children come in the morning (8am is my first arrival) as I am a childminder and I can't be doing the housework when I have kids, so resign yourself to the fact that you will probably need to be with ds for a week or 2 until he gains confidence and do your main jobs when he is sleeping.  Get dd to join in with you too, perhaps read a book together, all of you.  That's what I have to do with Alex as she won't let anyone have mum allto themselves!

He needs security and if it means you slleping next to his crib 24/7 for the next couple of weeks to see him through it then so be it.

[mom-2-3]

Hi Mari,

Thanks for the advice.  Unfortunately my ds has always been a mama's boy, he's just getting worst.  My dd rarely shows signs of jealousy, but my ds has always gotten upset if I am with my dd.  I almost feel like he's now learned to manipulate me with his crying.  He will look at me and cry and keep on crying harder until I take him.  He will stop instantly as soon as I have him in my arms.  If it is just the kids and I he will play as long as I'm not sitting closer to my dd than to him.

Do you still recommend giving him more attention?  And how much do I give him without compromising my easy going dd.  (I think that if I give him much more she might act out for attention)  She's already started to "fake" cry to get attention, knowing that it works for my ds.

Heidi

[mari]

You need to show him security, but he also needs to learn to be a little independent.  Sit together, but always have something near (not too far) that will occupy him, try to encourage him to move away from you rather than you move from him.  As for DS, you can show her extra attention when DS is sleeping etc but read books all together so that he will realise that he must share you too.
A very hard one, but I am sure that he will ease eventually, Nathan did (not too early though!) Could you try to get out for a bit to encourage him to get used to other people more as well. (and give yourself a break)

Sometimes we need to cut ourselves in half for them!!