weaning at night

[kenj93]

Hi there,
 
My daughter is almost 9 months old and still waking up twice at night to nurse.  Usually 11pm and 2am and then up at around 6am for the day.  I nurse her every 4 hours during the day and she eats three meals plus cheerios, etc for snack.

Does anyone have any tips on how to wean her at night?  I am getting pretty tired and I know she is not hungry just wants the comfort. 

Thanks for your help,  Kendra

[daisymelan]

Could you post a sample routine of what your day/night looks like?  If your lo is nursing every 4 hours during the day and eating 3 meals a day, chances are she is waking up for comfort and not for hunger, just as you mentioned.  Does she take a full feed when you go in at night? 

Have you ever tried any other methods for getting her to settle at night without nursing?  Could your dp/dh go in and try for a bit, that way your dd knows she won't get milk from him? 

[kenj93]

Hi there,

Here is our routine:

6:00 am - 6:30 am         Up for the morning.  Since I usually have nursed her around 5ish, she is not hungry so I don't feed her untill 8:00am.

8:00 am                       Nurse

8:30am                        Cereal

9:00am - 10:30am         Nap

10:30am - Noon            Playtime

Noon                          Nurse

12:30pm                     Lunch (veggie and fruit)

12:30pm - 1:30pm        Playtime

1:30pm - 3:00pm          Nap

3:00 - 4:00pm              Playtime

4:00pm                       Nurse

4:00pm - 5:00pm          Play

5:00pm                       Dinner  (veggie and fruit)

7:15pm                      Nurse

7:30pm                      Bath

7:45pm                      Bed

I also have two other children ages 13 and 2.

After bed, Baby (Remy) wakes always around 11:00pm and then between 1 and 2 and then around 5.  I know I shouldn't nurse her but I don't know what else to do.  She does eat a full feed at night.  Actually, she usually nurses a little longer probably because there are no distractions.  She is unfortunately in my room because I don't want her to share a room with her sister right because she will wake up my 2 year old.

My husband works nights sometimes so he can't get up with her but I don't think he would anyway.  Maybe if he is on vacation or something but I really don't see that happening.  He is great with the kids during the day but at night ?!?!?!??  Doubtful.

Last night I tried not to nurse her at 2:00am but finally caved in around 3 because she was getting grumpy and I was getting tired.

She is a great baby during the day.  She is extremely happy and very busy and fun but nights are another story.  I had posted on the night waking site as she used to be up all night and it was really helpful.  She is definitely up less then she used to be but I really don't want to nurse her at night anymore.

Thanks for your help.  Can't wait to hear back for suggestions.

Kendra

[daisymelan]

It sounds like this isn't goign to be an easy process.  Your lo sounds pretty dependent on you to get back to sleep at night after waking.  It also seems like it will be a difficult process as you don't have anyone else to put her back to bed.

I see from you routine that she falls asleep on her own for naps and night sleep, so she can selfsoothe.  Does she use a paci or just rely on her own methods to fall asleep? 

Are you familiar with Pu/Pd or pick up put down? 

I wouldn't suggest elminating both feeds just yet since that would be qutie a shock.  I would suggest attempting one feed at a time.  Since there is only an hour between her 2nd feed and her morning feed, I think I would try to eliminate that one first.  Does she cry when she wakes or just play?  Maybe just leave her in her crib until wake time.  If she is cranky, try pu/pd if you feel that may be useful. 

It was brave of you to attempt to delay the feeding last night.  It will take some time for her to catch on.

Let me know what you think.

[kenj93]

Hi there,

Thanks for answering back so quickly.

She does go to sleep by herself with her paci.  During the day, she plays in her crib for about 20 minutes to half an hour. She is just great during the day.   At night, she will start her noises and I leave her because every once in a blue moon she will go back to sleep but usually she progressively starts to get louder until I pick her up.  I don't always automatically nurse.  I usually try to rock her first but I always end up feeding her.

I am a little familiar with the pick up and put down.  Would it work if it was me doing it or does it have to be someone else?  I told my husband the suggestion that he do it.  He had  a good laugh!   

I haven't nursed her to sleep since she was a newborn so I don't know how we got into this bad routine during the night.  Both naps she goes to sleep by herself and doesn't need to be fed as soon as she gets up.

I will try to eliminate that feed and we'll go from there. 

I will keep you posted.  I'll try tonight and let you know.

Thanks again, Kendra

[Ami ~ 3 girls' mom]

I'm in much the same situation!  With me she wants to eat and DH can't understand the need to get her to fall asleep in her bed.   

[daisymelan]

Hey Kendra,

Let me know how you make out.  It will likely take awhile for her to catch on, but the reward will be reason enough to endure a week of less sleep.  It's a shame dh won't go in.  You definately have a better humour about it then I think I would if I was given that response from my dp.  LOL

As you said Kendra, she can go to sleep on her own during the day so that is really good news.  She does know how to do it, she's just being stubborn. 

What about a sippy cup for water?  Maybe she's a little thirsty?  I have been finding this with my ds more and more, but he is a tad older.  But I think it has to do with summer and the heat.  (not sure where you are posting from)

pu/pd would work better if it were dh, but it should work for you... you may just have to be a bit more persisitent. 

I hope you had a good night tonight!

 

[kenj93]

Hi there,

I kinda wussed out a little last night.  Remy was up at midnight and I fed her with the intention of cutting out the next feed.  She then woke at 5 and I thought if I didn't feed her she might be up for the day so I did.  Tonight is the night now!

Do you mean a sippy cup at night?  I do give her one during the day with water in it.  She gets some out of it but she is just kinda catching on to it.

I guess I have to laugh at my husband cause the only other option would be to kill him.  He is really good during the day but once the nighttime routine starts he goes downhill.  Sometimes he will bathe the kids and then put the little one to bed so I can put the 2 year old to bed but I have to bug him and he hates doing it. 

I am from Ontario.  I noticed you are from Red Deer.  My sister lived there years ago.  Her husband works at Nova Chemicals.

Thanks again, I'll let you know how it goes tonight.  I am definitely going to work at it.  It is scary I was happy with 5 hours in a row sleep because we should be sleeping through the night!!

Kendra

[jbepko]

I was in a miserable routine at around 9 months. Due to vacations, illness, ear infections, milestones...my LO was only going to sleep with patting/rubbing, poor napping, and nursing to sleep at night. Plus I was single mom b/c DH was gone for 6 weeks. Yes, it was painful...but I institued pu/pd and we survived. Now he is sleeping straight through at night 6:00 until 5:30ish. Goes to sleep completely independently at night. Struggles a bit for naps. Life is much better...but it was tough. Jump over to PU/PD forum for inspiration!

[daisymelan]

I guess I have to laugh at my husband cause the only other option would be to kill him. He is really good during the day but once the nighttime routine starts he goes downhill. Sometimes he will bathe the kids and then put the little one to bed so I can put the 2 year old to bed but I have to bug him and he hates doing it.

This makes me smile!

And yes, I was referring to a sippy cup of water at  night.  I find with my son, he sometimes just wants to wet his whistle so we started offering the sippy with water.

Good luck tonight and congrats on the 5 hours of sleep!

[Lilah'sMommy]

We used PU/PD to break our 2-3-times-a-night wakings, nursing back to sleep at 9 months, and it definitely worked!  S(Seems to me 9 months is a critical period for sleep issues!)  I will warn you, though, it's really tough and it only works if you see it through.  But if you stick to the plan, it will work!

I definitel had help from DH, who did the PU/PD at night for the first bit, but I did it during the day, for naps, so it will still work-- it will just be harder because you are the milk machine.  Can your DH not understand that you can not be getting up twice a night to nurse for the forseeable future?  I'm with Jodie, I think I'd be less inclined to be in such good humor about this...

[kenj93]

Hi there,

We had a rough night last night although I think it has to do with the fact that she is teething now. 

I have to make the committment to do the PU/PD method and soon.  She just goes to sleep for both naps no problem and I always put her in her crib awake.  I usually have to wake her up at nap time so she will go to bed at night so I know that she can get herself back to sleep.  I am hoping that this might make things easier for the night.

I have been telling my husband that other husbands do the PU routine at night but no go.  I guess I just have to let it go because I know he won't do it and I don't want to have a war over it.  Maybe when he is on vacation at the end of August if I am still having problems at night I will go to war but until then I will let it ride.  He knows how tired I am from getting up so much so maybe I'll keep guilting him out over the fact that other guys do it.  He is really good otherwise so I guess that it why I don't push it as well.  Oh well........

How long do you think it took you to get your baby to sleep through the night?  How did you deal with the sleep deprivation?  It is difficult for me to nap during the day because of my 2 year old.  They are both on different schedules for naps.

Thanks for everyone's comments and suggestions!!!

Kendra

[Lilah'sMommy]

By ten months (so a month later), we were having probably 75% good nights.  But I hate to say that it's only since about 4-6 months ago that we could depend on dd not to wake.  However, after that first month, it took much less time to get her settled again.

[kenj93]

Hi everyone,

75% good nights right now sounds great!!! 

My husband has offered to get up in the mornings but really, by the time morning comes I just want to get up, shower and have a coffee.  It almost feels like torture to sleep an hour or two more and wake up again!

My baby does use a paci but she can find it herself at night if she wants to so I think I'll let her keep it for now.  If it gets to be a problem, I'll wean her off that too. 

I never had this problem with my other kids.  My two year old still naps 2 hours a day and sleeps twelve hours a night and we usually have to wake her from her naps and in the morning.  I guess I was spoiled with her although she did wake nights until she was a year but I didn't nurse her back to sleep.  I would just pick her up and resettle her and she would go back to sleep.

I want to thank everyone again.  Even just posting on here has helped me feel better.  It is nice to talk to people who have been there, done that!!!

Kendra