desperate, please help:(

[Jakes_mom]

Hi all,

I am not sure where to begin,  i am a longtime BW follower.  I had a wonderful expereince using the sleep techniques with my son (now 23mo) who is now a very well adjusted little boy.  Even as a child he was textbook\angel\spirited.  Now to the problem..... I now have a 10wk old little girl, who so far seems to be a touchy\grumpy little thing (funny how with 2 dc's i have touched each catogory 

I have finally been successful in getting her on a routine and have learned that she can not under any circumstances have more then 1 hour of activity.  I can barely leave the house with her because she will be thrown off the routine.  The major issue is sleep.  Bare with me as i attempt to explain what she does when time to nap\sleep:

    At approx. 45min after her last nap she is yawning and starting to fuss so we immediately transition to her  room for a nap.  Pretty much withing 5 minutes she will start screaming crying as if i have hurt her in some way (no exaggeration here) I then give her a pacifer (which occasionaly calms her) and begin to rock and ssh\pat her in a rocking chair.  I Know from past expereince that i shouldnt rock her but there is now way she will just go in her crib queitly.  I have tried to ssh\pat in her crib but she will scream harder.  So I then rock her until she is pretty much asleep and put her in her bassinet.  I am not sure what to do then, because she usually wakes when i lie her down and i try to help her back to sleep with her pacifer. 

This is on a good day that she will actually go in her bassinet.  Most naps are spent in her swing.  For example.. i just spent 45minutes trying to settle her to sleep and she cried the whole time so as soon as i put her in the swing she fell asleep.   

I will stop here as this is getting long enough (i could go on for days)   

Please, any advice is much appreciated. 
Jenn

[Wei]

Hi there!

First off...Congrats on your 2nd bundle of joy!! 

I was wondering how you would feel about not doing the swing at all and cutting that out so that you can consistently do the same method of putting your LO to sleep all the time.  It will probably be rough for a week but it could get better after that.  I have an angel/textbook baby but she was more like a touchy baby for the first few weeks!!  The problem was I relied too much on the swing so I decided to go cold turkey and stop that.  Man, was it miserable for the next couple weeks!!  Dh and I were going crazy.  However, I noticed by week 2 that it actually got better.  There was some regression by the 3rd week but we were great by the 4th week and consistent since.  Now, I'm slappin myself for not having done it sooner.

I'm not sure if this helps, but I know there are some wonderful ladies here with touchy babies themselves who can probably give you some really great advice!!

Hang in there!

Wei

[Jakes_mom]

wei- thanks so much for your reply.  I have been trying to stop the swing but have fallen into the habit of putting her in there to attend to my ds.  is it possible to use the swing for a few of the naps that i know she will grow out of soon or will it just make the sleep training more difficult?  Tell me more about how you stopped using the swing, did your lo cry a lot?  it seems my dd will not stop crying and escalates until i give up.

[chell]

Hi, sorry to hear you are havign difficulties right now, I'm sure things will get better, how long does your dd nap for, and how many does she have?

[Jakes_mom]

chell- if she is in the swing she will take 3 naps for 1.5hrs.  if not in the swing the naps are usually 45-1.0.   any advice would be appreciated.  Ironically enough, night time sleep is great... last night we moved her into her room, next to ours, and she slept from 6pm to 11(df) back to sleep till 330 and then back till 6.  Why can she fall back to sleep on her own at night but not during the day.

[Kaiya Baby's Mom]

Hey
I was just going through this but with the help of the links below
i figured out what she was trying to say to me.
all this time i was exhausting myself shshs and patting when all she needed was a burp so by saying 'eh' or if she was uncomfortable 'heh'
once i met her needs she put herself to sleep
i only shshs pat now when I have missed the window and she is over tired and only if she is saying 'owh' with means tired
seriously check it out!

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200611/20061113/slide_20061113_350_101.jhtml

http://www.dunstanbaby.com/

today when i put her down for her nap she said 'eh' so i picked her up burped her and i put her in her crib awake
i said 'nappy time sweety mommy will see you when you wake up'
i left the room and a few minutes later she was asleep
they truly are talking to us!

i also have had alot of success with wake to sleep i am now getting 1 hour 40 min naps when last week i was only getting 45 min ones
it really does work.
Goodluck,
Ange

[Scrapbooker]

My 11 1/2 week old DD screams before every nap but also does better at night.  For her, we finally decided it was her blowing off steam and we now have a routine of going into room, swaddling (we do this a bit differently too as she doesn't like arms swaddled) and sitting still in chair.  We hold her cradle style as the over the shoulder got too dangerous with the screaming/flailing and we couldn't pat without worrying about her head falling backward, etc.  Anyway, we have done this now for weeks with simple "It's o.k., we're just going to sleep", etc.  I don't even pat her back anymore.  I think she needs us to just sit still while she wiggles and screams.  When she is done, she is still in our arms and we put her in her crib-she is progressing more toward being put in the crib while fully awake as she gets older-she has a hard time settling herself.  She does better at night.  It has been said (this site and otherwise) that under three months, they organize their night sleep and over three months, they work on their day sleep.  This seems true with my DD. 

Also, if she likes sleeping sitting up (in swing) and cries (screams) a lot, she may have reflux like my DD.  There are other signs to check on site and can ask Dr.  We got her on prevacid and now she only cries before bedtime (this is how we were able to notice the pattern once all the other crying all but stopped unless overtired).  This by the way is slowly getting better as she is just starting to be able to self-soothe with fingers (would never take the paci).

My DD's activity time is cut off at 1 hour after awake/eating time and then we start her wind down which take about 1/2 hour-10 minutes to settle then 20 minutes in the crib with my hand on her chest or patting her.  I don't shh anymore.  I think I got sick of hearing myself do it and I stopped and she didn't seem to care.  I think all that noise and aggressive patting was too much stimulation for her and she couldn't settle until we stopped all the action and just held her.  It's hard to watch her cry, but now that I know what will happen otherwise, I feel more confident.

Hope this helps.  Hang in there.  I'm told it will get much better in the next month once we work out these kinks.  Keep at it.

[Jakes_mom]

scrapbooker-  thank you so much, it is great to know there are others out there going through similar experiences.  i will definitely try your suggestions.  I did have a theory about reflux as she spits up vigoursly but her ped. says it is minor since she is such a hefty size (13lbs at 8wk checkup )  does your dd every scream for so long it seems like she will never stop??? That is why i put her in her swing after an hour of her crying on and off.  She will scream and cry as her eyes are closing, almost as if it is painful to fall asleep and will do this for what seems like forever.  i realize she is overtired but the reason is because she will not settle and then she will become overtired.  i cant cut down on her activity time anymore without there being any at all. 

thanks again

[Scrapbooker]

I hear you.  My dd was crying a lot but didn't spit up hardly at all-she had heartburn says the Peds. Dr.  She has been much better on the prevacid (the dissolvable kind is best.  You just crumble it on their tongue.  I hear the liquid is harder for them to take).  The zantac and mykanta didn't seem to help half as much.  The prevacid was prescribed by a peds GI Dr.  I hoep you and your DD get better soon.

[Wei]

Jakes mom,

I just stopped using the swing cold turkey and yes my DD did cry a lot but she finally did get used to being in her crib vice the swing after a couple of weeks.  It wasn't easy though.  However, as these ladies have suggested..maybe check with your ped to rule out reflux!!  There is such thing as silent reflux...and my doc was worried at first that LO had it so it took us a bit before she confirmed it wasn't.  Only then did we go really gung-ho at instilling nap and bedtimes in her cot.

Keep us updated!

Wei

[chell]

Hi Jakes mom, just to answer your question

Why can she fall back to sleep on her own at night but not during the day.

This could be due to the fact that a chemical is produced at night which helps with inducing sleep. I think it is a good idea to check out about reflux etc. once you have established the best way to manage this problem, then I would say that the best thing to do is to try to catch your lo before the first yawn, really observe her and act straight away. With mine, if I missed his very first cues, that would be it, i'd spend the whole of nap time, trying to get him to go down. It is hard when you start to change something which has become a prop. You will need to be consistent, patient and persistent. Once you have decided to give up the swing, then stick with it, otherwise you will make life harder you both of you in the long run, as your lo won't get the hang of sleeping by herself.

So , keep activity time short, limit stimulation before nap time, watch her like a hawk for that cue before the first yawn swaddle, go somewhere quiet and dark, and pat shh. when she is quiet, lower her down, if she cries pick her up and continue to pat shh.
HTH good luck

[Jakes_mom]

Thanks chell so much for your reply.   you are absolutely right about starting winddown before her first yawn.  i was starting when i saw her yawn but then it was too late.  also very difficult to not use the swing with ds around.  do you think i could us the swing for the naps that i will be phasing out in the long run??  i did have a few good naps this weekend as i was able to devote my time while dh sat with ds.  but today has been rough.   i started her on similac alimentum formula so hopefully that may relieve her of any pain she may be in  (suggested by the ped)

thanks again-jenn

[chell]

.  do you think i could us the swing for the naps that i will be phasing out in the long run?? 

I think, unfortunately that this is going to be hard. Most people have the choice of having a baby who sleeps short naps frequently as long as it is in motion, or a baby who is trained to sleep for longer periods in their cot. I do think that her personality will affect this as well.

I do understand what you are saying about it being hard with having a toddler around. Is there any way you could get some help while you are sleep training? - May be check out the "now there are 2" board.

i did have a few good naps this weekend as i was able to devote my time while dh sat with ds.

That sounds great - you did it! And well done to DH  I think that shows that it is possible. The main issue though is going to be about consistency for you. You will get regression at times, but if you were able to stick to it, I'm sure it would work. Sounds as though you made a lot of progress pretty quickley, so if you were able to get some help in for a couple of weeks, you could well crack it. How about using special toys/ videos or or something like that for your toddler, which only come out at those times while you are working on the naps?