It's good to know I'm not alone! I managed to get a result (of sorts!) yesterday. When DD refused to sleep in her cot, I told her it was time to rest - either in her cot or on the big bed with mummy. She chose the big bed and then of course tried to start playing, asking for books, TV etc. I stood my ground and she screamed blue murder for about 5 minutes and then literally just crashed out - she lay down and was asleep within about 5 seconds!
Good idea on trying to start the whole process earlier... she does take a bit more time to get used to the idea.
If it helps with any more ideas, the rest of our day looks something like this.
Wake up sometime between 7-7.30am
Morning - play group or other activity like shopping, chores
Home around 11.30, quiet play before lunch
12 Lunch
12.30-1 Try to start a nap! Usually walking around the block by 1-1.30
Afternoon - usually at home, occasional outing
5.30pm Dinner
6.30pm Start of bath and wind down for bed.
7.30pm Bed