3 year old - Bedtime nightmare!!

[AJMom]

hi all

I am losing the strength and energy to keep going with the current battle of bedtime with my DS.

He has always been an early riser but generally went to bed ok - two short stories, wee song and then night night and leave room and he was fine.

Before and during and now after the hols his bedtime has become a nightmare. Something I dread every night. He just kicks off the minute we get into the bedroom. Jumps over his bed, refuses to lie down, picks books that are counting books or activity books since he knows he will not get sleepy. Then screaming and yelling. Throwing toys across the room and then my particular favourite of biting and headbutting Mummy.

My DH is a complete star and full on parent - we both are getting all of this - actually no thats not true biting and headbutting seem to be reserved for me. We take turns until our heads hurt and then tag.

Tonight we have spent over 3hours to get him asleep in bed. In the end we just lay beside his bed and held him screaming until he fell asleep.

We have now had weeks of this.

Tonight now that he is asleep I have quickly lifted and hidden a few of his favourite new toys and we plan to tell him the sleep fairies have taken them away since he is not a good boy going to sleep. I know he will be upset but we feel we have to get this back under control.

Any help MUCHHHHHHHHHHH appreciated.

At 3 he is so physically strong as well. I have lots track of the scratches and bruises I have. I feel also that his is just running rings round us.

please help
AJMom
x

[imsmum]

Not sure if I can be any help but  I can commiserate since my 29 month old is starting this type of behaviour ( well, not the physical stuff thankfully ) around nap times.  I haven't looked at them closely since we're not there yet but a lot of sleep books seem to recommend sleep rules and a reward/chart system ie.  he gets a sticker if he doesn't act up and at the end of the week he can pick a special treat, or something of the sort. 

[esthere]

I don't have much advice, I wonder is he overtired. ??
My ds has recently stopped sleeping at nap time, instead he lies and reads for an hour. Now in the evning he is so much sleepier, so we have brought the evening routine forward. This helps any upset for him, as once we are in the room he knows bed is on the way.
I don't know if he will associate the missing toys with his behaviour at sleeptime, but I would take away anything that could distract him or throw, even if it means popping them into your room before the bedtime routine . Also,with the books you could pick out suitable ones and then ask him to choose from the ones you have picked ?
 Maybe the sticker chart would help ??
Hugs to you,

[ryan's mum]

Does your DS still have a nap ? Could you shorten it to make sure he is tired at bedtime ? It could be as PP said him being overtired . I have to be quite strict with nap times as it will make bedtime a struggle otherwise .Ryan has to have at least 1.5 hr nap to be in a good mood for the rest of the day but he can't nap later than 2,30 or bedtime is a struggle , he takes over an hour to fall asleep . If your LO doesn't nap then maybe he is overtired by bedtime

[mari]

How old is your LO exactly, and does he still nap, has  he started or is about to start something? School, daycare etc.  Can you think back to when this started and did something happen around that time.
I am not sure that taking toys away will help, I wonder if giving him more things might though.  I am thinking of a reward of some kind, maybe get him to go to bed and have a nice story and settle himself and perhaps offer a reward when he wakes if he does it and stays there.  I know that he probs had loads for Christmas but it's worth an extra gift if it encourages your LO to sleep.  Also, remove all the activity books and have a good choice of story books for him to decide, maybe go to choose some new ones together, try to make bedtime a time to look forward to.  If he makes progress, promise to take him to buy another one at the weekend etc.  
As for the headbutting, what do you do when he does it?  

[Duckie]

I recall Tracy having a situation in her Toddler book about a 2 yr old who would drag out bedtime for hours at a time....have you read her toddler book?

Was there anything in particular that preceded this battle 'o bedtime?  New preschool, move, change of daycare?

[AJMom]

Thank you so much for all your words of support.

It has taken me until tonight to actually have time to reply.

DS is 3years old and 2 months. Birthday was November 17th.

This started just after his birthday. I put it down all the excitement of birthday and then of course Christmas coming. This is year he started to really get the whole Santa thing and was so excited about all of that. Over the holidays bedtimes were a bit lax since we had visitors or we were visiting people. I think his sleep got out of whack.

We had a run last week for 3 nights where it was good and then it was back to the screaming etc. general bad behaviour.
Last night he went to bed no problem but after an hour woke up and then didnt go back to sleep until just after midnight.

He doesnt nap anymore. Tonight he was REALLY tired after late night last night and the screaming all started again. DH face is all scratched with DS hitting out at him. Pulled all his PJs off and running riot in his room. I went in and he lay down in bed and I started reading hi a story and he was asleep before second page!

He is such a lovely boy  the rest of time. We started a reward chart this morning when he got dressed and ate breakfast and all that sort of thing but he wasnt interested tonight with stickers this night for bed. Taking toys away didnt work, just as you all said!

It is just so stressful. Last night I locked myself in the bathroom to get away from the screaming. (bathroom is only room with lock) The physical side of things is just so horrible. It physically and emotionally hurts so much. Then the next morning he is back to the affectionate and gorgous boy who comes up and kisses you and says "Mummy I love you"

Do you think he was just out of his routine for too long? He is back at nursery couple of days a week this week and all his normal activities like music and gymnastics start back too.

I read  Traceys toddlers book last year but I didnt pick up these sort of things since it wasnt a problem then. Can you remind me what she said?

I just want to know it will get better if we can hang in long enough.

Hopefully he will sleep all night and we can get some much needed down time and recovery time.

love
AJMom

p.s. last two nights just ignored hitting etc rather than repeatedly saying "That is naughty. No hitting" etc
Think he gave up quicker when we didnt react.

[esthere]

I don't have much advice but really wanted to post. There is a brilliant topic at the top of the discipline forum for hitting etc. I don't know how to do that link thing but you should take a look because its great. I think you need to build back up your routine as regards the sleep, as you said , it was probably the excitement.
Good Luck and hugs.