how on earth can i leave the house??

[Ethan Jacobs Mommy]

My ds is a little over 13 wks old.  I started him on EASY when he was 7 wks and with the exception of short naps, it was working beautifully.  With a combination of his three month growth spurt, going out of town for Christmas, and my recent cold, the EASY routine went right out the window.  The growth spurt hit around 11 wks and he's still wanting to nurse every 2 to 2 1/2 hours.  I produce enough milk that he overeats and spits up, and he's gaining weight adequately so I know he's not starving.  Could this just be a habit then?  We're so messed up now that I don't know whether he's crying because he's hungry or crying because he's tired.  I'm going to try to implement EASY again today, but I was wondering: once I get him back on the routine how on earth can I ever leave my house again?  When I take him along to run errands I try to do it during his A time.  But he'll fall asleep in the car and have a nice nap while I'm shopping.  When we get home and I take him out of his carseat he wakes up ready to eat but often times it's too early for that.  Also, when we visit friends or relatives that also tends to mess up his routine because either 1. everyone wants to hold him or 2. if I try to put him to sleep at their house he'll cry and cry so I have to hold him while he sleeps.  I feel like such a mess.

[linfran]

You are doing fine!!!!!  There is always going to be something that knocks out their routine at some point or another and in our case it's been a matter of starting over and getting back on track (ds is 11mo).

Tbh, for the major grocery shop I would do it online if you can.  I decided it had to beat dragging a trolley and a pushchair round the store before having to get the whole lot in the car.  Like you I try to do stuff in the A time but if I know it's going to be a longer walk round the shops I do it coming up to nap time and ds naps in the pushchair quite happily.

When we go to friends or family if they live some distance away I leave just before nap time as he will sleep in the car no problam and it means he's had his sleep at his usual time and is happier as a result when we arrive.  I would suggest that you might have to get strict about everybody holding him if it annoys him.  DS doesn't really like being nursed (never has) and if lots of people want to manhadle him he gets pretty pi**ed off so I usually end up taking him back onto my knee or on the floor in front of me and if anyone goes to lift him I ask if they mind not as he's getting a bit tired and grumpy.  Slightly confrontational maybe but it works!

[shanaz]

Hi

I had to respond to your message as it's exactly like something I would have written when my dd was 13 weeks.  I just wanted to say that when my dd was Ethans' age I felt the same as you, I thought I would never be able to go further than a 5 min drive from the house etc.  I just want to say that it will get easier, for a start, dd stopped falling asleep in the car which helped!!  

To be honest, I was fairly restricted and would try & be in the house for naps if poss but I also decided that if we had a busy day out of the house I would try & make sure the next day was a quiet, in the house day.  I remember reading posts when I 1st started coming on here that said that and I thought "How can I live my life like that, it's so restricting, I don't want to give up my freedom" but I found that my life was just sooo much easier if Seren got her day sleep was settled so I quite naturally started to do it.

She's now 9 months old, started swimming classes today, sleeps brilliantly during the day (admittedly she's still not v good at sleeping out of the house, esp not in pushchair), goes to nursery, has play dates with friends most days and over & above it all, she's a seriously happy girl!

I suggest getting back on EASY as soon as you can and remember, it's only a guide.  I used to get soooo stressed if she woke early and therefore would be so far away from her next E time that she would be due to fall asleep before it.  It took me a while to relax and just adjust the routine, so what if she had 4 naps instead of 3?  If she ate 30 mins earlier?  I'm saying this as I am a massive control freak and it's taken me so long to go with the flow.

Please don't feel like a mess, you are doing a brilliant jobm just by coming on here shows what a great mum you are.  Don't be afraid to tell people that enough is enough & take him back if you think he's getting over stimulated and also, it's not the end of the world if he sleeps in your arms if you are out as long as when you are at home you put him down in his cot.  Seren would do this too.  

Good luck, I hope this of some support to you, sorry I haven't got any answers as such but please feel free to ask any more questions and I'll try & help if I can.  I hope I can reassure you that it doesn't last forever, that you do come through it alive and they thrive and are happy no matter what!

Shanaz xxx

[supermum]

Hi sweetie!

Do not stress to much about it...Keep the EASY routine, but do not panic if things don't always go by "the book"!!!
Try and be consistent with your son's routine, but do make time for yourself also!

I was in your shoes not long ago, I think most moms implementing EASY have been, and I know how depressing it could get, but as Shanaz said, it GETS SOOO MUCH BETTER WITH TIME...and patience...

Find a time of day that works best for you to go out, we sometimes go to the bookstore, I'm out and about and if he sleeps everyone is quiet there, so nothing to worry about, plus if you like to read, you can grab a book, magazine and a coffee, and there you go...you see people!!! ...or the Library...Here in Canada we have Chapters, my fav bookstore...it's a great place to gang out.

As per overtiredness when out with relatives and friends, try to explain what an impact it has on his sleep, and put him to sleep in any way works, afterall, you're not visiting someone very day, right, so you can reinforce independent sleep at home...Andrew went down for sleep with a bit of reassurance when out, but I know a lot of people that rocked to sleep on occasion, and that was allright.
Best of luck, and try your best, don't expect the best though...that's when it gets to you!!!

Good luck,
Alina

[Ethan Jacobs Mommy]

Thank you all for your responses!  I know I'm not the first mother on the planet and lots of people have "been there, done that", but sometimes when I'm cooped up in the house it can certainly feel like I'm alone. ha, how silly  

I'll try your suggestions and keep you posted. 

Thanks again!

Faith 

[shanaz]

Faith

No, you're not the 1st mother in the world but it's the 1st time you've experienced being a mother and it's a rollercoaster of a ride!

We're always here as a shoulder to cry on if needed!

Shanaz x

[kilsby]

I find it really helps if I feed Alannah and then leave the house immediately, she'll stay awake for 30 mins or so and then naturally fall asleep whilst in her carseat or whilst we're walking round and she's in her stroller. Not sure if this is just a fluke but I always feed her and have everything ready to go and it's worked out great so far.

[angie&lane]

Hello!  I posted a very similar question about being able to leave the house not long ago, so I just wanted to offer some additional encouragement.  Things have gotten much better here, although I do still wish I could leave more.  One suggestion I received that works well for us is to save errands for after bedtime and leave DH home with LO.  Not only can I get my errands done that way (without messing up LOs schedule), but I also get some time to myself! 
The other thing I try to keep in mind to get me through is the way I found BW to begin with.  I watched a friend's DD one day while she was at work and was so worried about how I'd put her down for naps and such.  When I asked her Dad, who dropped her off, he looked at me like I was strange and said to just give her her blanket and pacifier and lay her in bed.  Well, I naturally thought he was crazy but tried it and she went to sleep!!!  Just like that.  So I asked how they "trained" her, and found out about BW.  Been working with my 2nd LO ever since, and I keep that goal in mind whenever I get claustrophobic & frustrated.  Keep up the good work, and get out whenever you can (especially if you can leave LO behind!).  HTH at least a little bit.
-Angie

[linfran]

Faith - just a thought, but instead of visiting, get people to come to you (especially with a nice casserole or an offer to do your vacuuming!!!! )

[Ethan Jacobs Mommy]

Thanks again for your suggestions!  Ethan is doing better about going out now.  If he's asleep then I just pop his carseat out and snap it into his stroller so he can stay asleep.  I may have to begin waking him when he's too big for the infant carseat.  The only problem I had was last Friday when I had to take our dog to the vet.  We have a boxer, and it was the first time I had been out alone with Ethan AND the dog.  The people at the vet's office were sympathetic and let me wait in one of the exam rooms instead of in the lobby.  Poor dog was so excited to see someone new that he jerked my arm and made the stroller wobble.  Everything turned out fine, and one of the vets helped me take the dog back out to my car.  I wouldn't have gone alone, but hubby works during the vet office hours and I'm still working on making new stay at home mom friends.  Most of my friends work at the office where I used to work before Ethan was born.  There's a great mom's group at my church a couple times a month, but I haven't been "together" enough yet to make it out there for it.  Wish me luck!   

[shanaz]

Faith - I'm so glad you're feeling better about it all now and that Ethan is doing much better!  Good luck with making it out & about more - esp. getting to the Mom's group, very important to have friends with babies - you sound like you're doing brilliantly!

Shanaz

[supermum]

Hugs Faith!
Good job on trying to get out more...It's going to get much easier with time! Make sure you find time for yourself and keep happy!

Love,
Alina

[rebecaq]

Wow,

You got tons of more help, support and advice than I could have given you!! 

- Beca