SO disheartened

[Niki&Isaac]

Amber is now 2 months old. I have exclusively breast fed since she was born...and think i've had every difficulty there is (except thrush). I was really looking forward to feeding her, but now I'm so fed up with the guilt, frustration and upset I'm really having to be strong to carry on. In the beginning I had the usual cracked nipples and extreme pain. I adjusted her position after some advice and it slowly got better so now I only get a few seconds pain on the right side when she latches on (which i can cope with). Then came engorgement, then lack of milk, then engorgement again ( after trying to correct the lack).  Then pulling off my nipple, which really hurt.  Recently she has started to straighten her arm out against me so she pushes me away, then gets upset/mad/frustrated that she's not feeding so I put her back on and she does it again.  I have to spend ages burping her or there is a high chance she will spit up most of her feed (which breaks my heart after i've put so much time and effort getting the milk into her) Then last night, she did really well for her dream feed, no problems. Then during the night when she was awake it was like she's forgotten how to suck! She'd suck a few times then stop so she would lose grip on my nipple, then cry. So i'd put her back, and she do it all over again, then the same again this morning (she's sleeping badly during this nap - where most mornings she'd sleep no trouble) I'm sure she hasn't fed enough, but when i put her back on she eventually cried at me and was happy when she came off. My boobs still feel quite full after her last feed and its uncomfortable. Every feed brings a new challenge, as soon as i learn to cope with one difficulty, another one arises. As far as i can tell now, I am doing everything right but it's still so hard. And I still have her growth spurt to deal with - how will she cope if she won't feed properly? I just want us to settle into it and not have to worry about having to give up breastfeeding when we have come this far 

[babykylesmum]

hey niki,

i can relate. i had bad engorgement for weeks after my LO was born and i know how horrible it can be when they can't latch on and they yell and scream. had the painful nippled but fixing the latch def helped after a few days. it still always makes my toes crunch when he first goes on but i was told that's b/c for the first minute or so there's no milk - just serious suction. it does go away after 30 secs or so once i let down.

my LO is now 8 weeks and he does the thing with his arm - i've taken to holding his top arm behind his back like i'm going to arrest him just to get him latched on and then i let go. it seems to have worked b/c he doesn't do it as much. now he likes to press his little fists against my boob and kind of knead it - i sometimes wonder if he knows something i don't and he trying to do a little massage to get the milk out!

can you pump after a feed to get out extra milk? i'd love to have spare milk right now - i have nothing in the freezer b/c he drinks me bone dry. now that you have proper milk in you shouldn't be scared of pumping causing engorgement anymore. that part should be behind you. if she has a growth spurt and you have spare milk it shouldn't be a problem. you won't need to increase your supply. just give her a bottle that you've stored now and she'll be satisfied.

good luck, kim

[danlynclark]

Niki
I totally hear what you are saying.  Just as you overcome one obstacle with breastfeeding, and you're so proud and happy, another one arises.  It sounds like your obstacles have been quite painful aswell!  Congrats for making it this far.

Have you looked into the possibility that your LO might have reflux?  The pulling off, crying, fussing, spitting it all back up can be symptoms. 

You could try putting a hot compress on your breast or take a hot shower before nursing.

If you are still uncomfortable after your DD nurses, just pump a small amount.  If you pump it all, you will tell your body to produce even more milk, and then you will continue the engorgement cycle.

Also, if your DD is having enough wet and dirty diapers, then she IS getting enough and you dont have to worry about how you'll manage.  Growth spurts will lead to your milk increasing.

Lyn

[babykylesmum]

yes, i have to second what lyn says about the reflux b/c my boy has that too. does amber yell a lot when lying flat? that was the tip-off for me.

i found after 6 weeks or so when the real milk was in that i didn't have to worry about encouraging too much supply, but yes, pumping off the extra for comfort is a good idea too and your breasts should adjust at this stage pretty quickly. just don't do what i did and pour it all down the sink! what a waste!!!!!

good luck, kim

[Niki&Isaac]

Erm, yes she CAN yell a lot when lying flat, but not all the time, and she goes down for a nap easily on her back pretty much every time. The time we have noticed she doesn't like being flat is when she has wind. Today i have thrown her 3 hr routine out the window, and demand fed and she has been a bit easier to feed, although i'm still convinced she is feeding less than normal.  Being in Germany i am like a fish out of water, her doctor does speak some English, but has difficulties sometimes. However, i do have a German friend I could ask for help with the translation. Amber needs her jabs this week so it may be a good time to talk to them about it.  Thanks for replying to me, I have been really down about this. Its nice to have someone to talk to other than DH

[daisymelan]

Hugs to you and congrats for working so hard and making it 2 months!!!     You should be very proud of yourself. 

As for pushing you away, I always tuck my los lower arm down beside them and that prevents them from pushing with that one.  Can you nurse with her swaddled maybe? 

Maybe she's having troubles latching because your breasts are too full? If that is the case, just pump off a little bit before she feeds to help her latch.  But I'm not sure that is her problem.

Every feed brings a new challenge, as soon as i learn to cope with one difficulty, another one arises. As far as i can tell now, I am doing everything right but it's still so hard. color]

That is parenting summed up perfectly! 

HUGS again

[Niki&Isaac]

Maybe she's having troubles latching because your breasts are too full? If that is the case, just pump off a little bit before she feeds to help her latch.  But I'm not sure that is her problem.

It used to be a bit of an issue, but not any more. Since i stopped expressing my boobs have been ok.  It was lucky I didn't express after this mornings discomfort because she woke up hungry really shortly after i'd put her down after her fussy feed.  I shouldn't really complain - she is a really good baby - despite it sounding like the contrary.  I have never given up on anything i wanted to stick at so i don't suppose i will let this beat me. But I didn't expect feeding to test me this much for this long (of course i expected some initial issues). Can anybody suggest a natural reflux remedy, or does it need to be a prescription drug?

[babykylesmum]

hi niki,

my boy's reflux was a real mystery for a while b/c he has always slept well in his cot at night and played well on his back under his playgym, so he could be flat, but then he wouldn't nap (same cot) or ride in the pram until i elevated everything for him. go figure. could be time of day or something but the elevation has changed my life.

his case isn't too dramatic but i was worried about constipation (he got that with gaviscon) so i'm giving him 1 ML of milk of magnesia with every feed (usually every 4 hours.) not exactly natural but seems to be working so far. i've heard maalox can be good too - check the colic and reflux boards for more: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=13.0. it probably depends a lot on your baby. i'm just learning about all this myself. good luck!

kim

[Jonahs Mom]

Hi Niki,

I just wanted to offer some ((((HUGS)))! I went through the same thing as you with my DS. I knew that it would take 6-8 weeks for BF to be established, and I was losing hope at 6 weeks. It took to about 9 weeks before something just clicked with DS. I had the arm thing and swaddled him when that happened. I shed many tears in the middle of the night along with him when he was crying because he was hungry, but he just couldn't stay latched. I had him come off choking and sputtering - turned out I had overactive letdown and too much milk period. Fixed that too. Then he got reflux at 3 months. I took him to a chiropractor (osteopath) that had worked on alot of infants (his own 2 DDs included at 2 minutes and 36 minutes old!). That is what helped the reflux for us.
I just want you to know that it IS hard, no denying that, but to hang in there. I just finished BF DS at 9mths old (my choice) and am so glad I stuck through it. That being said, don't feel guilty if you can't continue - you have given Amber a great gift and you are doing all that you can for her!