22 month old - nightmare with walking when out!

[J & J's Mum]

Hi,

I really need help!!!

My DS is 22 months old. Whenever we go out in the buggy, he's ok for a short while and then wants to get out and walk around.  But, he only wants to walk where he wants to walk and will not hold my hand.  It's a nightmare, I dread having to go out!!  If he doesn't have his own way he will throw the biggest tantrum ever!!  I am so envious when I see other toddlers walking nicely with their parents!!

We're just booked a trip to Australia next month for 3 weeks.  I've got to try and get him to stop this.  Any ideas?

[Erin M]

Lots of persistence.  When we're out with dd if she wants to come out of her stroller, I tell her that if she comes out she must either hold on to the stroller or hold on to mommy or daddy's hand.  If she doesn't, then she goes back in the stroller.   So then I'll take her out and if she's trying to get away, I'll remind her that she has to hold on or go back into the stroller as it's not safe to walk alone.  If she breaks away, then she goes back in the stroller (usually accompanied by lots of protestations) -- I make sure I tell her that I understand that she doesn't want to go back in the stroller, but it's mommy's job to keep her safe, etc, etc.  Also, I often let her guide me around when we're out -- generally letting her decide where to go (even if it's with some guidance from me) makes things easier as well.

[Jaime]

ditto everything that erin said, and wanted to add that maybe investing in one of those harness/leash things isn't such a bad idea.

[*Natasha*]

Hi,

I really need help!!!

My DS is 22 months old. Whenever we go out in the buggy, he's ok for a short while and then wants to get out and walk around.  But, he only wants to walk where he wants to walk and will not hold my hand.  It's a nightmare, I dread having to go out!!  If he doesn't have his own way he will throw the biggest tantrum ever!!  I am so envious when I see other toddlers walking nicely with their parents!!

We're just booked a trip to Australia next month for 3 weeks.  I've got to try and get him to stop this.  Any ideas?

Just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone we have been going through this for a few months now.

[kiersten's mom]

I have also been going through this, good idea making them hold the stroller I just kept chasing and trying to make her hold my hand. I am going to try that

[Katet]

Ditto Erin.
The other thing I used to do was say "I'm going to count to 3, if you aren't holding the stroller by then (didn't like holding my hand) I will pick you up & put you back in"

[sophiems]

Ditto what Erin said,
but I would also add to occasionally go somewhere where she can be free to run/ walk freely with you.  Just say, here we can walk/run together.  where that is just the focus.  Make a game and it will be fun for her to have you stay with her, not playing chase, just focus on staying with her but giving her freedom. 

[J & J's Mum]

Thank you for all your comments.

I am taking them on board................fingers crossed!!

To be honest, my Mum has been staying the past few nights and whenever we have been out, we have somehow made Jascob hold our hands, he has had the biggest tantrums, but we have persavered (don't think that is spelt right!!!) and he seems to gove in.  Not sure if that's the right thing to do though.  any ideas?

[Erin M]

As long as you stay consistent he should stop protesting eventually.  I would make sure you tell him why -- even if you don't think he "gets it" yet, I think everyone deserves an explanation -- "I know you don't want to hold Mommy's hand, but Mommy needs to keep you safe, etc, etc" -- honestly, anything you do is going to meet with some sort of protests.  Sophie had a good idea too about running/walking together - make sure you make the distinction beforehand so he knows it's ok in that case.

[**Clare**]

I'm in the same boat also!! My little tike loves to walk but only on his terms! Hes getting better though, if he doesn't want to go the right way I just say this way Harvey and if he doesn't come then I just pick him up, hes getting the hang of it!! Id go easy on the explaining I think, too many words may confuse them, just say what you need to say and lots of praise and encouragement when he does walk with you!! Saying things like 'Good walking' helps. Your then stating what he is doing that you like rather than just saying 'good boy' and him wondering what hes done!! Just a little tip!!

Good luck, perseverance is the key!!

[Katet]

I think better than "good walking" is to say "thank you for holding Mummy's hand" as you aren't placing a "value" of good or bad rather an acknowledgement that you appreciate he has choosent to do what you desired of him.

[**Clare**]

Well either way sounds good to me! Some children dont 'work well' with longer phrases, we use these kind of phrases at work - good sitting, good sharing etc, they work really well.  Its labelling the behaviour as is the phrase you suggested.

I have an example of this in my uni work, ill see if I can find it! Its a boy sitting colouring at the table his mum says 'Good boy Henry!' There is a picture of Henry with all these thought bubbles coming out of his head..... "Am I a good boy because....."

Im sitting nicely
Ive done some good work
I coloured the tree green
Im quiet

And the list goes on!!

Anyway, back to the subject!! I would maybe invest in a pair of reins just for now untill you feel hes ready to walk holding your hand/stroller, and when he throws a tantrum try and ignore him, as long as hes safe he'll soon come round! Also distraction can help! "Wow! Look at that aeroplane!" Or whatever!!

Good luck xxx