WI/WO....3 weeks later

[Leosmama]

So we've been consistently practicing the wi/wo method for 3 weeks now, and for the most part it's been successful.  17 month old DS has been sleeping through the night (with rare exceptions now and then), has started sleeping later in the morning, and has been taking 2 hour naps.  He's also seemed much happier in general, and the separation anxiety is much less pronounced than it used to be.

But now it seems like we've gotten 'stuck'.  By that I mean, I still have to do about 10-15 minutes of wi/wo each night at bedtime and before his nap.  I stopped doing an official count, and instead just listen to his cries and only go in if he sounds truly distressed.  Some nights it doesn't take much and he goes down easily, but then there are nights like tonight where it took over 20 minutes!

Here are some things to note:

-about 2 nights into doing wi/wo, he started a pretty bad round of teething.  his 2nd molar just came through, and a  3rd seems to be ready any day now.  He also cut a bottom tooth and its mate on the other side should be coming in the next week or so.  Most nights lately I anticipate teething and give him the Hylands Teething Tablets about 30 minutes before bedtime, and hand him his cold teething ring once he gets into bed.  Tonight, he did not exhibit any signs of teething (gnawing on his fingers, drooling, etc.), so I don't know what the problem was.

-we went on a short trip to visit grandparents last week and got back on Sunday.  He slept great while we were there (he sleeps in the same room with us at their house, in his own crib) and has always transitioned pretty smoothly between there and home.

-when the nanny (who watches him 2 days a week) or DH puts him down, it takes MUCH less time for him to go to sleep; in fact, with the nanny he just goes right down with no fuss!

-since Daylight Savings Time, I've shifted his schedule about 30 minutes forward, and it seems to be working well.  Here's how our days have looked for the past week or so:

7:00am wakeup
7:30am breakfast
9:45-10:00 snack
11:30 lunch
12:30-2:30 nap
3:00 snack
5:30 dinner
7:30-8:00 bedtime (I aim for 7:30 asleep, but with the difficulties described above, it ends up being later.  BUT, he's perfectly happy after getting 11 hours of sleep at night).

So.....aside from teething, is there something I'm missing?  When can I reasonably expect to get to the point where there's NO crying when I leave the room at bedtime?  His bedtime winddown routine is so pleasant and one of my favorite parts of the day, and then after 15 minutes or so of crying I'm all tense and ready to go pour myself a glass of wine 

[Layla]

The only thing that stood out in your post was the fact that he goes down well for your dh & the nanny more so than you. It could be that he wants to spend some more mummy time  . How long is your wind down - you might want to spend a little extra time before bedtime and give him lots of kisses and hugs.

Also try to stay relaxed during wi/wo cause your tension could also be rubbing off on him.


Let me know what you think
Layla

[mari]

Do you know, 20 minutes is not bad after 2 weeks.  I congratulated myself on half an hour.  and they do different things for different carers, I know that from the children that I care for.  Don't ask me why but the LO I care for will sleep for me no probs but he cries for his mum much more.

I think it sounds like you are doing fine, you are not rocking him or tapping and he is sleeping independantly and sleeping through the night.  I still have to do WIWO with Alex on the odd occassion.  I think I need it myself sometimes too when I have trouble dropping off!

Well done Jennifer, great job and I bet that he will be going to sleep for you on his own within 3-4 weeks.

[Leosmama]

I did think about the fact that it was more with me than anyone else....I'm sure his need for mommy is part of it.  We have a really good, relaxed winddown - after bath, we do a brief massage with oil and then pj's, brush teeth and then sit in the rocker with his monkey and read two stories.  After we say night-night to the light, I hold him and sing one song to him, right next to the crib.  When I put him in the crib he is totally relaxed and mellow, and lies there hugging his monkey.  I say the same words to him, telling him I love him and I'll see him in the morning.  Then I walk out and about 5 seconds later he starts to fuss.

Tonight was only 8 minutes!  And I think he may be coming down with something, because he's been coughing a bit and had a slight fever this afternoon.  And the molar that's definitely working its way through isn't helping things.  Hopefully he'll get a break soon and then we'll see if he settles down without crying.

Thanks for the feedback!

[theasmum]

I donīt know if this will help you at all, but i have notice that with Thea if i stay in the room and extra 5-10 mins before walking out she doesnīt cry.
I donīt know if she think that even if i am there is not fun (i donīt talk or move) and she get ready to sleep, or that she relax better.
If i walk out right away i have to do WI/WO, but if I stay for an extra bit ( and she is still awake when i walk out) she doesnīt bother.

[Leosmama]

Theasmum, that's not a bad idea, as long as you can leave while she's still awake.  So where in her room do you stay?  Right by her crib or do you move toward the door?  I may have to give that a try.

In fact, I kind of had to do that tonight, because Leo is REALLY sick    I'm talking super-high fever, deep, painful-sounding cough and sore throat.  He just took a series of catnaps throughout the day as I held him in the rocker, waiting for the fever to break.  Then at bedtime, I put him down as usual and stayed in the room for a few minutes before leaving.  Honestly, I think he was so out of it he probably wouldn't have cried if I left right away.  But now I'm afraid of undoing all the progress we've made, because I'm pretty sure there will be nightwakings tonight and I'm certainly not going to do wi/wo when he's this sick.  So I hope we can get back on track once he's better.  I'm so afraid of having to start back at square one!

[mari]

Leosmama, when Alex had a bad bout of teething the other night, I stayed in the doorway so that she could see me.  When she was settled enough I went just outside the door, she sat straight up so I popped my head back and said, I'm just here, it's ok.  When she woke a little later and called I was straight there, rather than giving her a few seconds (sometimes she cried a little in her sleep, it only lasts 30 secs-1minute so I don't go straight in) That way, she knew that I was there but she was able to sleep.
The following night she was back to herself again and didn't mind when I left the room.
Whilst he is sick, I think that you should be there for him and try not to worry too much about the sleeptraining, concentrate on getting him well enough to start sleep training again as soon as possible.  Look on this time as being part of the process, you are showing him that you really will be with him when he needs you.  Does that all make sense?

[Leosmama]

Mari, I totally agree.  I think at this age he understands enough to know that while he is sick things are not the norm and will (hopefully) get it when we return to the usual way once he's well.  Actually, it's nice that I can stay in the room for 5 minutes and he settles down so quickly and easily.  Before doing wi/wo, if I moved away from the crib and sat in the rocking chair, he would have stood up and cried right away.  But now it's no problem at all!

Thanks again for the replies 

[mari]

It's just all a whole lot less stressful isn't it?  Previously when Alex was sick I used to think 'Oh, no that means we get no sleep', now I don't think about us not getting any sleep, I just concentrate on getting her well again.  Which is the way it should be!!  I think that I am a much better mum now that we are getting a good nights sleep

I hope he gets well very soon, give him a big kiss from me.